Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Bring It On Week: The Uncanny X-Toros

Bring It On Header
Brr! It's cold in here! There must be some Bullies in the atmosphere! That's the cheer-chant that'll be stuck in your head after watching the Gone with the Wind of cheerleader movies, 2000s Bring It On. Those of you who are faithful readers of Chris Sims's face-kickin' Invincible Super-Blog know, and know full well, that this is Bring It On Week, a cheeribration of all that is good and just with the world, at least as far as high school cheerleader movies starring Kirsten Dunst and Elisha Dushku go. So, in keeping with the holiday spirit of BIO Week and its patron Saint Christopher Sims, let's take a look at Bring It On, shall we?



Whoops! My silly mistake. That's not Bring It On, that's "Turn It On Again" by Genesis. Still. Great song, huh?

Read the comments on Chris Sims's Bring It On posts and you'll soon see that not everyone is on board with Bring It On Week, however. Why all the hate, folks? Certainly the animosity towards the celebration of Bring It On Week is a cudmugeonly affliction right up there with Scrooge's hatred of Christmas and Russ Cargill's loathing of Arbor Day. What these haters need is a night-time visitation by spectral spirits (preferably in cheerleading uniforms) to teach them the goodness and joy of our nation's most popular holiday, Bring It On Week. Well, I'd visit y'all myself if I had time and if my tiny pleated skirt and middie-top was back from the dry cleaners, but instead I'll settle for pointing out just why anyone who enjoys comic books ought to be diggin' Bring It On Week with a fervor and passion that approaches Superman's Birthday or Star Wars Life Day or The Day That Kitty Pryde Finally Did It With Colossus Thanks to Joss Whedon. Don't believe me? Why, consider this:

Bring It On is practically the same thing as X-Men.

Gasp! you say. No way, bub! you exclaim. By the White Wolf! you opine. But it's true: watch Bring It On and read enough issues of X-Men (Uncanny, Astonishing, or adjectiveless, take yer pick) and pretty soon you won't be able to tell which is which. For example, look closely and you'll see that Bring It On's Rancho Carne High School was, like the School for Gifted Youngsters, also founded by Charles Xavier:

Bring It On



More specifically, Bring It On is, like X-Men, the saga of a team of approximately three hundred seventy-eight gifted teens:
Bring It On
X-Men



...led by a most unusual and special instructor:
Bring It On
X-Men



Joining this very special team occasional involves a humiliating and dangerous form of hazing:
Bring It On
X-Men



One day, the team decides to hold tryouts for a new member:
Bring It On
LSH


Whoops, that's not X-Men. Well, close enough.

In order to keep the team from being too whitebread, of course the new member is a total badass:
Bring It On
X-Men



But it doesn't take much to convince that badass to sign up and slip into the team uniform of red or yellow spandex:
Bring It On
X-Men



Occasionally, one of the "good girl" members totally flips out and goes bat-crap crazy:
Bring It On
X-Men



Oh hey, check it out: this guy's totally wearin' my New York City subway line:
Bring It On



Well, anyway, at some point in the story, you jus' know they're all gonna have to face off against their bitter rivals:
Bring It On
X-Men



But they triumph, thanks to their unique skills and the expert moves they've trained and honed under fire...
Bring It On
X-Men



...and through the wonder of Spirit Hands!
Bring It On
X-Men



Thus...Bikini Car Wash!

Bring It On
X-Men
Bring It On
X-Men
Bring It On
X-Men
Bring It On
X-Men



So, in conclusion: Bring It On = X-Men.

Oh, and also: my Uncle Earl is in it:
Bring It On


So, ask yourself the question, bub...are you ready to Bring It On?


13 comments:

Chris Sims said...

Fantastic.

Sleestak said...

I hate Dunst.

David Campbell said...

That was epic.

Phillip said...

Oh my god. It's spreading. A little stuffed bull, too, Sims? At long last, have you no decency?


...Well. Nuke the internet from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.


[quietly adds Bring It On 1-4 to his netflix queue]

CaptainAverage said...

The Torrance/Dark Phoenix captions had me rolling on the floor, bout that wouldn't have some even an adorable stuffed bull if you had not included Eliza Dushku in car wash scene. Wowza. Thankfully, that crisis was averted. You have my gratitude. (BTW, stick-figure car wash scenes-NEVER as good-check ISB to verify)

bitterandrew said...

Bravo, my little stuffed friend.

Ken Lowery said...

Oh, Bully. The chocolate chip pancakes are on me.

Stephen said...

almost all the bokinis are drawn by jim lee. right?

philip said...

It has truly been brung!

J.R. Jenks said...

The sculptor really made that Mr. Weatherbee statue look slim!

(I've said it before and I'll say it again: When it comes to ALT attributes, Bully, you stand alone.)

Amadeus Feldspar said...

HA, great comparison. But, your Uncle Earl has to get off the sauce. He's looking like one loco toro.

The Fortress Keeper said...

You brought it on bull, you brought it on.

MelissaB said...

One discrepancy. The X-Men whine more than real cheerleaders.