Table Talk

So, here's a very famous comic book cover:


All Star Comics #37 (October-November 1947), art by Irwin Hasen

So, some questions about this iconic image:

• Is the JSA's meeting room wedge-shaped? Because that's an awful narrow wall their seal is on. Do they perhaps, meet in the Flatiron Building?

• I'm assuming the JSA meeting room doesn't normally have restraints screwed into the wall. Did the Injustice Society bring them along? Also, screws and drywall anchors? Did this necessitate a stop at a hardware store? We know that Wonder Woman of this era loses her strength when she's bound by a man, but couldn't The Atom or Hawkman rip those manacles out of the wall? Why isn't Johnny Thunder saying "Cei-U?" Was he warned not to by the Canada Employment and Immigration Union? Do you think the ISW teased the Atom because they had to mount his manacles so low? Did the Atom cry? I bet he cried.
• Where's WIldcat? Wildcat wouldn't have stood for this nonsense. Wildcat would have hit them. With his fists.
• Uh oh...I think Per Degaton has spotted us. Quick, hide!
• So, who makes off with the best part of the country? Vandal Savage, as fitting his high ranking in the DC Universe's Rogue's Gallery, seems to be capturing the largest square mileage of America: he's pretty much carving himself out the Louisiana Purchase. Those wealth-building Texas oil wells and rich Wisconsin cheese will come in handy in his new criminal empire.
• On the other hand, Vandal Savage could have just sat back and pointed at the area he wanted, because between the Brain Wave and the Wizard, they're pretty much leaving him some wide open spaces to occupy. In fact, Savage is conning himself out of Idaho and the Oklahoma Panhandle! I guess they decided nobody needs to criminally reign over those states.
• Likewise, the Gambler is smart in staking out Las Vegas and Reno for himself, but he's missed out on the rich vineyards of Northern California! And he'll be sorry he stuck so close to the coast when Lex Luthor drops California into the Pacific Ocean.
• Most foolish choice in criminal empire: Per Degaton. Sooner or later he will realize his silly mistake and be very irritated with the others when he realizes he doesn't actually have any land to call his own. Ah, well, perhaps he's planning on installing service stations with exorbitant prices along Interstate Route 81. Three bucks for a package of Hostess Cupcakes? That is highway robbery.
• Do you think they all brought their own knives? Did they get a value bargain deal by buying six of them at the same time? Or, maybe those are the JSA's steak knives.
• Do you think that's the same table that's seen on this famous cover?

All Star Comics #3 (Winter 1940-1941), art by Everett E. Hibbard

Man, Ma Hunkel's gonna be honked if she has to polish all those deep knife gouges out of the surface of the table. Still, some people think a table is for sitting on and don't seem to have any respect for history:


Justice Society of America #1 (February 2007), art by Alex Ross

So, there you go: a lesson we should all learn—if you do happen to get captured within your own headquarters by a team of supervillains who are too dumb to divide up a country into equal shares, at least ask them to put down some cardboard or a cutting board before they cut into your nice new table. The Avengers' table never has these problems!

Tables only turn when tables learn

"And there came a day...a day unlike any other...when Earth's mightiest heroes and heroines found themselves united against a common threat. On that day, the Avengers were born—to fight the foes no single super hero could withstand!"

Also, they had a table.

From the very beginning...




...starting out very small...




...as it became a symbol of the team...




...and even the chairs joined in the fun...




...no matter how good or bad your posture...




...whether it's used for breakfast...




...or a council of war...




...through tragedy...




...and through Claremont...




...to other realities...






...and back again...




The Avengers' Table can never be replaced!

Oh, except for the time Namor broke it and they made him buy a new one.




So now say we all: Avengers Table Assemble! And if there's a few parts left over when you're done, don't worry. They're s'posed to be built like that.