365 Days of Star Wars Comics, Day 363: All Together Now

Cover of Star Wars: Dark Empire II #6 (May 1995), painted by Dave Dorman

Today in Comics History: "The train arriving at platform four, five, six, seven, eight, and nine has come in sideways"

Panels from Doctor Who: The Tenth Doctor #7 (February 2015), script by Robbie Morrison, pencils and inks by Daniel Indro, colors by Slamet Mujiono, letters by Richard Starkings and Jimmy Betancourt
I oughtn't not to make the sort of joke I made in the title of this post about the Tay Bridge Disaster, which is a true, historical bridge collapse that killed 59 people — everyone aboard the train — on this day in 1879. The Disaster itself has been a bit of a long-running mystery because of the discrepancy in casualty figures, sometimes listed as 75 and as high as (as the comic depicts) 100. (I'm guessing the official reports couldn't account for extra men transported back in time aboard the train by Weeping Angels.)

So, no giggling matter, and yet: the Tay Bridge Disaster is the subject of an epic poem by truly one of the worst poets of all time,William McGonagall. In part:

Oh! Ill-fated bridge of the silv'ry Tay,
I now must conclude my lay
By telling the world fearlessly without the least dismay,
That your central girders would not have given way,
At least many sensible men do say,
Had they been supported on each side with buttresses
At least many sensible men confesses,
For the stronger we our houses do build,
The less chance we have of being killed.

Well. That's...something.

McGonagall was frequently quoted, and parodied by Spike Milligan, one of my favorite comedians of the twentieth-century, and scripter for The Goon Show, the cult 1950s BBC radio show that helped introduce Peter Sellers to a larger international audience. These radio shows are brilliant, wild, surreal, with plenty of wordplay, humorous catchphrases, running gags, silly sound effects, familiar characters greeted with thundering applause from the audience, and a great sense of the overstated profundity of British history. The Tay Bridge Disaster was itself dramatized comedized as a 1959 episode of The Goon Show, which includes Milligan as "William McGoonagall," reciting terrible, terrible verse. You can hear the show online here and read the script here.

365 Days of Star Wars Comics, Day 362: Love and Star Wars Rockets

Panels from "Young Lando Calrissian" in Star Wars Tales #20 (June 2004); script, pencils, inks, and letters by Gilbert Hernandez; colors by Michelle Madsen

365 Days of Star Wars Comics, Day 361: Everything I Need to Know I Learned from a Little Golden Book

Hey, look at what else Bully me! got for Christmas this year: the complete boxed set of Star Wars Little Golden Books!


Now you may say, Hey Bully! I thought those books were for little kids? Doesn't it say on the books that they are recommended for ages 2-7? And yes, you're right. But might I please remind you that despite my erudition and innate sophistication, I am only six.


Hey, lookit the way-cool special little golden spines on these things! They have substituted the usual poky little puppies and saggy baggy elephants for the heads of your favorite Star Wars characters: Darth Vader, Yoda, R2-D2, and of course everyone's true favorite, Jaxxon the Giant Green Star Wars Rabbit. (Aw, you wish!)


There are six books in the series (to go with, natch, the six movies of the Star Wars saga:

(Click picture to Death Star-size)
And whatdaya know, I collected them all! (It's fun!)


The books cover all the best, most exciting parts of the Star Wars saga:


And, let's face it, some of the parts we wish we didn't remember.


Hey, these aren't comic books! you're no doubt saying now, as you comfortably sit in your post-Christmas snug living rooms with a mug of eggnog and some leftover cheese log. Well, technically not. But I'm featuring them on "365 Days of Star Wars Comics" partly because the illustrations are absolutely wonderful, but most because it's my blog, not yours, and how come you're not sharin' that cheese log, huh? Here's Episode I, reminding us that even when we cringe at the character they can look cute in cartoon form. Or, to put it another way: YIPPEE! (PS: I've put links below to all the artists' names where available, so you can check out their other excellent work! And where not available? Guys, really: you oughta have an easily findable webpage of some sort!)


Page from Star Wars: The Phantom Menace Little Golden Book (July 2015), adapted by Courtney Carbone, illustrated by Heather Martinez
The general action of the movies is well represented without any of the gore or violence.


Page from Star Wars: Attack of the Clones Little Golden Book (July 2015), adapted by Christopher Nicholas, illustrated by Ethen Beavers
Check it out: Little Golden Book Belly Shirts of the Star Wars Universe!


The books nicely depict the iconic moments from the series...


Page from Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith Little Golden Book (July 2015), adapted by Geof Smith, illustrated by Patrick Spaziante (No official webpage. Here's Tumblr reposts of his art.)
...and tho' each is by a different artist, they feature a complementary but distinct cartoon art style for each book. Check out this cooly styled Dark Helmet Darth Vader!


Page from Star Wars: A New Hope Little Golden Book (July 2015), adapted by Geof Smith, illustrated by Caleb Meurer and Micky Rose
And there's plenty of the signature Star Wars humor that characterizes the six first three movies.


Page from Star Wars: The Empire Strike Back Little Golden Book (July 2015), adapted by Geof Smith, illustrated by Chris Kennett
Also: cool sound effects you can read aloud, or if you like people reading to you (and who doesn't?), have read aloud to you.


Page from Star Wars: Return of the Jedi Little Golden Book (July 2015), adapted by Geof Smith, illustrated by Ron Cohee
Plus: ohmygolly isn't this these the cutest depiction of an Ewok, ever? (Also cute: Woodland Leia.)


Hey, where's The Force Awakens Little Golden Book? Don't stress, it's on the way! But you'll have to wait until April for it to be published. In the meantime, there's also another group of more general Star Wars Little Golden Books that you can look for, because boy, I can tell you're lookin' to quench your Little Golden book hunger.

(Click picture to Big Golden Book-size)
Yes, truly it can be said that, just like the world's greatest Little Golden Book...


...this one has a monster at the end, too.


Now, are these totally suitable for young children? Well, I'm one of them, and you know the kind of garbage I read. But I think that for most children these are going to be perfect retellings or introductions to the Star Wars Universe without some of the scary stuff or the obvious violence. There's no arms being cut off here, the word "killed" is never used (it's occasionally phrased as "destroyed"), and scenes of Anakin wiping out the Younglings and Obi-Wan thwackin' off Dr. Evizan's arm are not included in these books. Still, your child-mileage may vary, and you might do well to check them out before you give 'em to a child, just like a responsible parent or guardian should. For example, this Amazon.com reviewer found them a bit disturbing:


Wha...? Inferred? My good sir, you should always remember the difference between inferred and implied. Why, I learned it myself thanks to a talking aardvark!


Panels from Cerebus #33 (December 1981); script, pencils, inks and letters by Dave Sim
Because once you learn this lesson, you can't unlearn it!


Panels from Cerebus #36 (March 1982); script, pencils, inks and letters by Dave Sim

365 Days of Star Wars Comics, Day 360: It's too big to be a space station...it's a giant Star Wars book!

Hola, amigos. I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya, but I've been busy playin' with all my new Christmas presents. I showed you some of the cool stuff I got (and yes, I'm writing all my thank you notes on the new stationery Grammy Bull sent me — thank you very very much for the lovely stationery, Grammy Bull!*). And if you can remember through your haze of roast goose, figgy pudding and smoking bishop and possibly from living in the Victorian Era, I promised to show you a Star Wars-related present (or two) that I got. Lovely Randi got me this gorgeous Star Wars: Dark Times Gallery Edition! WOWWWWWWWWWWWW


Each double-page spread reproduces Randy Stradley's script, and on the facing page, the original pencils by Douglas Wheatley, for five issues of the comic series Star Wars: Dark Times. It is really cool.


For example, here's the script and pencils for a page from Dark Times #3:


And here's what it looks like in the original comic book:


Panels from Star Wars: Dark Times #3 (May 2007), script by Randy Stradley, pencils and inks by Douglas Wheatley, colors by Ronda Pattison, letters by Michael David Thomas and Dan Jackson
This is brilliant and I'm going to enjoy reading it a lot! I shall be singing the Star Wars theme all the time I'm enjoying it.

*This sentence technically counts as a thank you note to Grammy Bull.

Stuff Bully Got for Christmas 2015

Happy holidays to you all, and I hope you are having a wonderful Christmastime or whatever you celebrate, even if it's Wookiee Life Day! Did you get good things in your stockings? i got legs in mine.

No, no, I kids the Christmas, because I got all sorts of wonderful things from Santa and from my pals! I am a very lucky and fortunate little stuffed bull.

We do not have a chimney with care, or indeed any other possible masonry-related emotions, but we did get big full stockings stuffed with oranges and walnuts! Hooray!

Today in Comics History, December 26, 1973: M. Night Shyamalan's worst film is released

from Tara Normal #1 (CreateSpace Publishing, July 2013); script, art, and letters by Howie Noel

Today in Comics History, December 25, 1776: Looks like George Washington picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue

from "George Washington's Drum!" in Superboy (1949 series) #2 (DC, May 1949), pencils by John Sikela, inks by Ed Dobrotka

Today in Comics History, December 25, Christmas: Hulk's Christmas in New Mexico TV variety show is not a success

from Spider-Man 2099 (2014 series) #10 (Marvel, May 2015), script by Peter David, pencils and inks by Will Sliney, colors by Antonio Fabela, letters by Joe Caramagna

The Best Rodents Infesting a Department Store Commercial You've Never Seen

Christmas 2015 commercial for British department store Harrods

The Best Sugar Water Commercial You've Never Seen

2014 Christmas advert for Coca Cola

The Best Man in the Moon Movie You've Never Seen

Don't cry now.


2015 Christmas advert for British Department Store John Lewis

The Best Christmas Commercial Featuring a British Cat You've Never Seen

"Mog’s Christmas Calamity," 2015 Christmas advert for Sainsbury's, British grocery store chain

The Best Muppet Show You've Never Seen

"The Giant Crumpet Show," 2015 advert for Warburtons Family Bakers

The Best Star Wars Film You've Never Seen

Promotional Christmas 2015 commercial film for Kaufman, German supermarket chain

365 Days of Star Wars Comics, Day 359: And you thought I couldn't find a comic celebrating Christmas in the Star Wars Universe

Cover of Return of the Jedi Weekly (Marvel UK 1983 series) #28 (December 28, 1983), art by Bob Wakelin
Happy Christmas and May the Force of Santa Be with You!

Yes, Virginia, There Is a Spider-Man: An Editorial by J. Jonah Jameson

DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old.
Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus.
Papa says, "If you see it in THE DAILY BUGLE it's so."
Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?

VIRGINIA O'HANLON.
115 WEST NINETY-FIFTH STREET.

---

VIRGINIA, your little friends have a promising future in journalism. Who accepts any blasted story he hears on the street as fact? Around here I call him Ben Urich and he's fired. You heard me, Urich! Clean out your desk! Get the blazes outta here. This story is crap! Crap! Crap! Who are you trying to fool with this Daredevil story? Everybody knows Matt Murdock is as blind as half of Sandy Duncan. Go ahead, smart guy, tell me how a blind man can be Daredevil? Next thing you'll be telling me is that I'M Daredevil! You wanna see me in spandex tights swinging around the office? NO! Nobody wants to see that. Because I'm a journalist and a journalist gets the story! Okay, you're unfired. Fill up your desk again. Go out there and get the story. I want quotes, denials, pictures. Take Parker with you. Where's Parker? PARKER!

Yes, VIRGINIA, your friends are right to be suspicious about Santa Claus. Just because you see him on every street corner doesn't mean he's real. I see Spider-Man all the time and he's no real hero, I tell you. I've seen some of these con-artists and bums masquerading as Santa Claus down in Times Square and at Macy's and I wouldn't give them a seafood dinner if they were King Namor of Atlantis! You know why? Because they can't prove it. Where's the reindeer, where's the sleigh, where's the presents? I'm gonna come right out and call each and every one of those Broadway Santas a big fat fraud. What're you gonna do, fatties? Sue me? I know more lawyers than you know elves.

Not believe in Santa Claus! That's the kind of no-nonsense, forward-looking view I want to see in an investigative reporter. You might as well believe another planet crashed into us this summer! That's outrageous! I'll tell you what I told Parker: no photos, no story. This is a picture newspaper, dammit! If we can get a picture of Donald Trump giving a Nazi salute, we can certainly get a picture of a planet crashing into the Earth. But does anybody ever think about what I want? No! A little piece and quiet is all I want. And pictures of Spider-Man! Get me pictures of Spider-Man! Get out of here, Parker!

You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, and that's the only thing that's gonna get you is the low-down story on those snake-filled baby rattles from Doctor Octopus. You think I got two Pulitzers sitting here at this desk and yelling at Parker to get me pictures of Santa Claus? No! I got them looking out this window and peering into the hearts and minds of every man, woman, and child in this city. And I know what they want. They want honest, solid journalism about corruption, crime, and Spider-Man! Ah, VIRGINIA, in this entire world there's nothing else more real and abiding than catching Spider-Man with his pants down. Metaphorically speaking.

So yes, VIRGINIA, there IS a Spider-Man. He's a threat and a menace, Thank God! for the increase in circulation every time we put one of those Spider-Man photos on the front page by Parker that looks like he shot it through cobwebs. Yes, Spider-Man will continue to threaten you and your family, and the only place you can count on to tell the truth is the DAILY BUGLE. And about this Santa Claus thing: there's only one way to tell for sure. If you don't get absolutely everything you wanted on your Christmas list, every single toy and doll and hula hoop or whatever it is you kids want — it's because Spider-Man killed Santa Claus.

Dictated but not read,
J. JONAH JAMESON

JJJ/bb

365 Days of Star Wars Comics, Day 358: Yoda is a jerk

Introduction page from Star Wars Tales #13 (September 2002); script by Dave Land; pencils, inks, and colors by Lucas Marangon; letters by Steve Dutro

Marvel Team-Up guest-starring Angel Love

Panels from Amazing Spider-Man (1963 series) #344 (February 1991), script by David Michelinie, pencils by Erik Larsen, inks by Randy Emberlin, colors by Bob Sharen, letters by Rick Parker
and from Angel Love #1 (August 1986); script and pencils by Barbara Slate, inks by John William Lopez, colors by Bob LeRose, letters by Bill Yoshida

365 Days of Star Wars Comics, Day 357: Well, that didn't work out the way we'd planned

Cover of Star Wars: Purge one-shot (December 2005), art by Adam Hughes