Showing posts with label Marvel romances. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marvel romances. Show all posts

Thursday, January 24, 2013

The Marvel Comic Where the Jerk Wins in the End

...no, no, not Civil War #7...


Cover of Civil War #7 (January 2007), pencils by Steve McNiven, inks by Dexter Vines, colors by Morry Hollowell

...but rather, My Love #10!


Cover of My Love v.2 #10 (March 1971), pencils by John Buscema, inks by John Verpoorten, letters by Sam Rosen

Yes, My Love! The only Marvel comic book named after a Sir Paul McCartney song. (At least until Magneto/Titanium Man Team-Up came out.)


Our scene opens in a fancy restaurant, where Our Heroine™ Gwen Stacy Beverly Dayton is out on a date with her jerky boyfriend "Flash" Thompson Nick Howard, waited on my Professor Charles Xavier a waiter. This story is, as the credits tell us, "narrated to Stan Lee," which is pretty much the way the rest of the Marvel Universe books were written, if I recall correctly. Remember when Stan 'n' Jack would head on over to the Baxter Building to get the low-down on what had happened in the past month to the Fantastic Four? And how the FF would toss them out because they'd betrayed the FF to Doctor Doom in Fantastic Four #10? Oh, how they all laughed and laughed.


Nick is, not unlike Doctor Doom, a jackass himself:


Now, I don't want to contradict our heroine, but I was pretty certain that in Marvel Comics, girls named Beverly loved duck:

Panel from Howard the Duck Annual #1 (May 1977), script by Steve Gerber, pencils and inks by Val Mayerik, colors by Janice Cohen, letters by Joe Rosen

It's pretty obvious that Nick doesn't give a dang 'bout the opinions and wants of Beverly, dragging her off to all the places she'd rather not go on a date: the fights, a nightclub, a Star Trek convention... I bet that prize fight would have been a lot more interesting if it had been Muhammad Ali versus Superman, but alas, that was not to happen for another seven years.


Because it is the 1970s, it is federally mandated that Beverly discover Women's Liberation! Probably around the same time she discovered est, the Ford Pinto, the typeface Helvetica, the television series All in the Family, and many other events that occurred in 1971. It was a tumultuous age, after all!


Hooray! At last, Bev asserts her own identity and say so long and see you later...not! to that loser Neanderthal Nick. Also, she bought some groovy pop art and a "5" sign for her wall. Who says this isn't the age of far-out flourishment?


The story woulda been lovely and had a very happy ending...if it had just stopped there. "I am woman, hear me roar!" should declare Beverly! Instead, the Divine Ms. D. attempts a disappointing string of romantic dates with wishy-washy modern men. How rude! They actually give her a chance to voice her opini9on. Well, that's no good, either.


As the old folk song goes, "nice guys finish last," and they also have an entire Wikipedia page devoted to them. What the Sam Scratch, Wikipedia? Must you have a page for everything? Geez! (This is okay, though.)


In a panel that could have been ripped off by Roy Lichtenstein if only he'd been reading My Love, Beverly "realizes" that Womens' Lib only applies to her right to be paid the same as men for doing the same work. She then immediately returned to her career as Secretary of State under Richard M. Nixon, earning a peachy $7,800 a year.


So, by the end of the story, she's back in the arms of he-man woman-hater Nick. Boo! Boo! "The Start of Something Lovely!" declares the caption. More like "Three Years Later, the Divorce!" Hah! (Also, once again I ask...where do you find a green suit?!?)


Poor, poor Beverly, saddled with a jerk thug for a boyfriend and misguided ideas of what Women's Lib is all about. Somebody send her a copy of Betty Friedan's The Feminine Mystique or is a nonfiction book by Mary Wollstonecraft's A Vindication of the Rights of Woman or at least Ms. Marvel #1.

We started this post with Paul McCartney's "My Love," but it's too bad, for Bev's sake, that it would be another 12 years until Sheena Easton sang


He asks her to dinner, she says I'm not free
Tonight I'm going to stay at home and watch my TV

I don't build my world 'round no single man
But I'm gettin' by, doin' what I can
I am free to be, what I want to be
'N all what I want to be, is a modern girl

Yeah! You tell it, Sheena, sister!
Na na na na na, na na na na na, na na na na na, she's a modern girl
Na na na na na, na na na na na, na na na na na, she's a modern girl



Monday, October 05, 2009

Love Stinks

Obi-Wan KenobiAs Obi-Wan Kenobi once told us in that movie, "Love is a many splendored thing, love lifts us up where we belong, all you need is love!" When he said that, what he told you was true...from a certain point of view. And me? Well, I've read Marvel's Silver Age romance comics. Those, and the first music video I ever saw on MTV, told me a different story. I mean, I'd trust a Jedi if I needed to chop somebody's arm off...but, when it comes to love, everybody knows that only Stan Lee and Peter Wolf know the true score. Take it away, boys!


You love her
But she loves him
And he loves somebody else
You just can't win


Teen-Age Romance #86

And so it goes
Till the day you die
This thing they call love
It's gonna make you cry


Teen-Age Romance #86

I've had the blues
The reds and the pinks
One thing for sure


Teen-Age Romance #86

Love stinks
Love stinks, yeah yeah
Love stinks
Love stinks, yeah yeah


Teen-Age Romance #86

Love stinks
Love stinks, yeah yeah
Love stinks
Love stinks, yeah yeah


Teen-Age Romance #86

Two by two and side by side
Love's gonna find you, yes it is
You just can't hide


Teen-Age Romance #86

You'll hear it call
Your heart will fall
Then love will fly
It's gonna soar


Teen-Age Romance #86

I don't care for any Casanova thing
All I can say is
Love stinks


Teen-Age Romance #86

Love stinks
Love stinks, yeah yeah
Love stinks
Love stinks, yeah yeah


Teen-Age Romance #86

Love stinks
Love stinks, yeah yeah
Love stinks
Love stinks, yeah yeah


Teen-Age Romance #86

I've been through diamonds
I've been through minks
I've been through it all
Love stinks


Teen-Age Romance #86
All panels from Teen-Age Romance #86 (March 1962), featuring work by Stan Lee, Jack Kirby, Tom Scheuer, Gene Colan, and Vince Colletta as The Beaver.

Love stinks
Love stinks, yeah yeah
Love stinks
Love stinks, yeah yeah
Love stinks
Love stinks, yeah yeah
Love stinks
Love stinks, yeah yeah






Special bonus: let's look at the actual ads in Teen-Age Romance #86, featuring all the things a proper young lady will need to land her special man!:

Beautiful hands! And strong nails to claw your rival's eyes out!

Teen-Age Romances #86 ad


A slim and slender figure! Plus, breathing problems throughout your entire high school years!

Teen-Age Romances #86 ad


Plenty of bling! Fool your friends! Make your boyfriends jealous! Enrage Leonardo DiCaprio, star of Blood Diamond!

Teen-Age Romances #86 ad


Booze, sweet booze.

Teen-Age Romances #86 ad



Even more special bonus: The special "Love Stinks" remix of the text story from Teen-Age Romance #86!:

Teen-Age Romance text story


So remember, everybody...love sti...

Keira and Bully
...um...what was I saying?