At 13th Dimension: Spidey's 13th Wackiest Team-Ups

Thanks to his second amazing movie opening today (seriously, why was this movie not called Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man?), this week on 13th Dimension, it's Spider-Man Week, the week that does whatever a Spider can! While I'm away wrestling with oversized maps, my best pal John has written about Spidey's 13 Wackiest Team-Ups! Say, I wonder why John didn't include this great team-up moment:


Panels from The Punisher (2001 series) #2 (August 2001), script by Garth Ennis, pencils by Steve Dillon, inks by Jimmy Palmiotti, colors by Chris Sotomayor, letters by Richard Starkings and Wes Abbott
Once again, that's Spider-Man at 13th Dimension! It's amazing and spectacular! Also: web of.

Today in Comics History, May 2, 1960: Sailors set out on voyage without condoms

from "Log of the Snorkel Wolf Pack" in Atomic War! #3 (Ace, February 1953), creators uncredited and unknown

365 Days of KirbyTech, Day 111: The Sandman's Hypnosonic Whistle

"You know how to whistle, don't you?" said the hottest woman in the universe:



But for the Sandman, whistling involves — you guessed it! — a very special piece of KirbyTech: the Hypnosonic Whistle.


Panel from The Sandman (1974 series) #2 (April-May 1975), script by Michael Fleisher, pencils by Ernie Chan, inks by Mike Royer, letters by Ben Oda
Gosh, Mr. Sandman, Miss Bacall don't need no magic whistle to do that.

365 Days of KirbyTech, Day 110: The Sandman's Universal Dream Monitor

Santa Claus knows if you're naughty or nice because that #^!&@% snitch The Elf on the Shelf rats on your actions to the Man in Red at the North Pole. All the more reason to take the Elf on the Shelf and turn him into the Elf in the Blender. On the other hand, The Sandman...the Kirby variety, not the Gaiman guy (altho' we'll see Mr. G. in this feature), gets his info by honest and decent means, by looking into our homes and our dreams. The same process as the National Security Agency! The Sandman, however, has cooler equipment that the NSA, namely the Universal Dream Monitor! Also included: his dandy cool Eisneresque logo, upon which unfortunate boats at sea have been shipwrecked.

Panel from The Sandman (1974 series) #1 (Winter 1974); script by Joe Simon, pencils by Jack Kirby, inks and letters by Mike Royer
(Click picture to Brute-size)

365 Days of KirbyTech, Day 109: The Leader's Plastic Replica of the Hulk

It's a plastic replica of the Hulk.


Splash page from "To Live Again!" in Tales to Astonish #70 (August 1965), script by Stan Lee, pencils by Jack Kirby, inks by Mike Esposito, letters by Art Simek
A PLASTIC MODEL OF THE HULK.


Not to be confused with this Hulk plastic model.

365 Days of KirbyTech, Day 108: Granny Goodness's "Bomb-Clock"

Mister Miracle has been captured by Granny Goodness and her Grotesque Goons! And they're going to attach him to the Bomb-Clock!


Panel from Mister Miracle (1971 series) #18 (February-March 1974), script and pencils by Jack Kirby, inks and letters by Mike Royer
Eh, a Bomb-Clock. It's a bomb with a clock on it, I bet. Nothing to get too excited about...Mister Miracle is, of course, the world's greatest escape artist, so I'm sure he can escape from that in a mere matter of seconds and then HOTCHY MOTCHY

I will never ever ever get tired of this gag

365 Days of KirbyTech, Day 107: The US Army's Sunday Punch Super-Missile (M1-472)

Welcome to the Atomic Age...and that Trajectile to Astonish, the Sunday Punch Missile!


Panel from "To Live Again!" in Tales to Astonish #70 (August 1965), script by Stan Lee, pencils by Jack Kirby, inks by Mike Esposito, letters by Artie Simek
The Sunday Punch Missile launches copies of the 1942 MGM film of the same name at its target, thus bombing them...with a capital B (for B-movie). General "Thunderbolt" Ross and Major Glenn "Betty's Second Choice" Talbot have launched it...well, not at the Hulk, but at one of the Leader's giant plastic behemoth super-robots! Still, I'm betting they won't be too broken up if the Hulk gets blown into teeny-weeny green pieces at the same time. It's two for the price of one at Gamma Savings Days! Everybody wins!


Splash page from "Like a Beast at Bay!" in Tales to Astonish #72 (September 1965), script by Stan Lee, pencils by Jack Kirby, inks by Mike Esposito, letters by Artie Simek
To paraphrase Mr. Slim Shady:

Please don't drop bomb on Hulk
Major Talbot, please don't drop the bomb Hulk
Drop bomb on them
I don't want no doggone beef
See? Ain't no reason to sick dogs on Hulk
Drop bomb on 'em
Please don't drop bomb on Hulk!

Yes, it's the Marvel Universe's United States Army. When you absolutely, positively have to drop a big-ass atomic bomb in your own country.


Luckily, we're told, the Sunday Punch does not spread radioactivity: it simply bombs the poop of things. Wait a minute, why has the Army never used another one of these things? Why wouldn't they just launch it at the caves with Osama bin Laden-616? Or, at the very least, the Skrulls. Did you guys forget how to make this thing?

Luckily, the Hulk uses the blast of the bomb to jump into the upper atmosphere, high enough to see the curvature of the earth, and then falls back to the ground without suffering any major reentry burning or freezing of his and Rick's lungs, because comic books.


In the 1966 Hulk cartoon series, the Sunday Punch Missile (at minute 4:02) is mistakenly referred to as "M-472" (it's missing 1 1: "M1-472") and is colored red, white, and blue. It's the Captain Americmissile!


It also features the greatest overacting ever in the Marvel Super Heroes series—stick around for the last couple lines of the episode.

So, to conclude: Sunday Punch!

365 Days of KirbyTech, Day 106: Nick Fury's Desk Telephone at SHIELD

Avengers Mansion has ordinary everyday phones. Not to mention some kick-ass black light framed velvet psychedelic art that Tony Stark picked up in a gas station parking lot in El Paso.


Panels from "A Time to Die — A Time to Live!" in Tales of Suspense #95 (November 1967), script by Stan Lee, pencils by Jack Kirby, inks by Joe Sinnott, letters by Artie Simek
On the other hand only a few pages later, check out Nick Fury's awesome KirbyTech phone from S.H.I.E.L.D.*—a masterwork of incredible design that implants the most up-to-date space-age communications tech mounted on a desk lamp.


Well, at least it's not as complicated as SHIELD's Inter-Continental Phone Hook-Up Harness. On the other hand, it's not as streamlined as the Fantastic Four's telephone. And, I just gotta ask...why would you put your phone on your desk on your blind side?

In any case, Nick's phone is not the world's coolest spy phone. Which one is, you ask? Why, what else but...



*Spitcurls Have Infiltrated Every Life-Model Decoy

365 Days of KirbyTech, Day 105: A Wakandan Exercise Machine for the Thing

Panels from Fantastic Four (1961 series) #54 (September 1966), script by Stan Lee, pencils by Jack Kirby, inks by Joe Sinnott, letters by Sam Rosen

365 Days of KirbyTech, Day 104: Al B. Harper's Device

And now...Al B. Harper!



No, no, no, not Al B. Sure(!)...Al B. Harper. Al B. Harper has never had a top Billboard Chart hit single, but he was a brilliant scientist who had doorknobs that responded well to the "cosmic thrust" and OH NO WE DON'T WANNA KNOW WHAT A "COSMIC THRUST" IS, NORRIN RADD.


Panels from Silver Surfer (1968 series) #5 (April 1969), script by Stan Lee, pencils by John Buscema, inks by Sal Buscema, letters by Sam Rosen

365 Days of KirbyTech, Day 103: Project Vanish

Project...Vanish! The secret WWII-era Allied energy weapon so powerful it can clean dirty latrines across the entire Western front shoot a big beam of energy at leapin' Captain America right on the front cover, while making it still look like it's attached to a guy's arm...Project Vanish!


Detail from the cover of Tales of Suspense #68 (August 1965), pencils by Jack Kirby, inks by Frank Giacoia, colors by Stan Goldberg, letters by Artie Simek
And that, give or take a cameo appearance in a circle by Bucky "Someday I'll Have a Major Motion Picture Named After Me" Barnes, is really just about all you need to know about Project Vanish. What, you want to know more? Well, read on, faithful fan, read on!

365 Days of KirbyTech, Day 102: The Main Control Unit for the Nazi Coastal Guns

Hey, it's the Main Control Unit for the Nazi Coastal Guns!


Page from Captain America (1968 series) #109 (January 1969), script by Stan Lee, pencils by Jack Kirby, inks by Syd Shores, letters by Artie Simek
Wow, that's some far out, fantastic KirbyTech there! (I'm hopin' it swivels!) But how on Earth do we know it's the Main Control Unit for the Nazi Coastal Guns?


Oh. Thanks, Steve!

Then Cap and Bucky blow it up.


Aw, it was all just a flashback!

The Brave and the Bold starring Batman and Angel Love

365 Days of KirbyTech, Day 101: The Skywalker's Destruction Ray

Two whole years before Star Wars hit the silver screen with the pew-pew-pew sound of zippy blasters, Denny O'Neil and Jack Kirby brought us the adventurers of a guy called...Skywalker*!


Cover of Justice, Inc. (1975 series) #2 (July-August 1975), pencils by Jack Kirby, inks by Mike Royer, colors by Tatjana Wood, letters by Gaspar Saladino
*No relation.

Comics News for April 10, 2014

Top: from "The Return of the Red Skull" in Captain America Comics #3 (May 1941), script and art by Joe Simon and Jack Kirby
Middle: from The Saga of Swamp Thing #38 (July 1985), script by Alan Moore, pencils by Stan Woch, inks by John Totleben, colors by Tatjana Wood, letters by John Costanza
Bottom: Whoops, I forgot to write down which Archie comic this came from

365 Days of KirbyTech, Day 100: Bruce Banner's T-Gun

What is...the T-Gun?!?


Panel from "Not All My Power Can Save Me!" in Tales to Astonish #75 (January 1966), script by Stan Lee, layouts by Jack Kirby, finishes by Mike Esposito, letters by Sam Rosen
Wow! Whatever it is, it's big. Oh, that's it! The "T" must stand for...titanic!

Anyway, in a twist (hey, the T must stand for...twist!), Bruce Banner's mysterious T-Gun is used to target (hey, the T must stand for...target!)...the Incredible Hulk! Hey, the T must stand for...THE!


Here comes the countdown! Five! Four! Three! Hey, the T must stand for...three! Two! Hey, the T (gets strangled off camera)


YES, GENERAL ROSS, SHOOT AN UNKNOWN GUN DIRECTLY AT THE WHITE HOUSE.

And that (hey!...), ladies and gentlemen, is the last anyone ever saw of the Incredible Hulk. The End! (Hey!...)


And so, along with the Hulk, Washington DC was destroyed, and no one ever saw it again.


Well, seeing as the Hulk has been sent through time to the future and displaced in in time, we'll never be able to know what the "T" stands for in this time-shooting gun that moved Hulk forward in time. Just as a guess, I think that the "T" must stand for...TALES TO ASTONISH!

Or, possibly, television cartoon!


Marvel Super Heroes: The Incredible Hulk in "Terror of the T Gun" (November 23, 1966)

Ta-Ta!

Today in Comics History, April 10, 1876: A plan is hatched that is so crazy, it just might work

from "Crime: Kidnaping! Victim: Abraham Lincoln!" in Crimefighters #4 (Marve/Timely, November 1948), pencils and inks by John Buscema

Today in Comics History, April 10: Lex Luthor spends 12 hours stealing 40 cakes

from Action Comics #521 (DC, July 1981), script by Gerry Conway, pencils by Curt Swan, inks by Frank Chiaramonte, colors by Gene D'Angelo, letters by John Costanza