Thursday, December 01, 2005

Ben Grimm totally rocks! Reason #7

Why does Ben Grimm totally rock?




7. His classic mid-Sixties animated show, in which he, the other members of the Fantastic Four, and Jean Luc-Picard, all watched cheesy movies and made fun of them.

He knows the frequency, Kenneth: he's the Thing, and with him around, it's always clobbering time. And now you know...another reason why Ben Grimm totally rocks.


Saturday, November 26, 2005

Ben Grimm totally rocks! Reason #6

Why does Ben Grimm totally rock?



6. His classic mid-Sixties animated show, predating Martha Stewart by decades, in which he gave decorating and design tips and showed you how to hang draperies for maximum light throughout even the darkest and dankest of rooms.

He's the star of stage, screen, and Marvel Two-in-One, the ever-lovin' blue-eyed Thing, idol of millions. And now you know...another reason why Ben Grimm totally rocks.


Friday, November 25, 2005

A lethargic, lazy, turkey-and-gravy-stuffed comics review

Boy, am I full.

I am lying on the couch stuffed with turkey and dressing and cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie and about all I can do it read this week's comics and tell you whether or not they are fun. I am too full for running around in Prospect Park playing touch football. I am too full to go early Christmas shopping on Black Friday and get all the bargains by heading out to the stores that are opening at 2:30 AM to allow you to save 1.5% on a liquid plasma television set. I am even too full to get up and change the channel so I am stuck watching the Thanksgiving weekend The Apprentice marathon.

How full am I? Well, when I say I'm a little stuffed bull, I really am a little stuffed bull! Tee hee!

Ow. My stomach hurts from giggling. Will someone please bring me an Alka-Seltzer? In the meantime, let's look at some comics.

She-Hulk #2SHE-HULK #2: This comic is fun. Look, I just like time-paradox stories, okay? So the fact that I didn't understand a lot of what was really going on in this issue but still enjoyed the heck out of it is a plus. One of my favorite bits was Hawkeye not understanding that everyone knows he died in AVENGERS #502 (not a fun comic). Plus, Awesome Andy is on a secret mission? Could this possibly lead into next month's thrilling SHE-HULK #100 comic? (Answer: I dunno, but I betcha!) Anyway, good fun, both silly and serious in this book. Points off for the dopey looking Greg Horn painted cover...it just doesn't tell you what a wild fun ride the comic is, and gee, I should never have to think about Hawkeye's lips, but holy cow, there they are! Aieeeeeeeee! Hawkeye’s scary lips!


Futurama #22FUTURAMA #22: This comic is fun. Top of my list of "Comics I Like That Are Based on Cancelled TV Shows I Used to Like" (at least until they produce a Magnum, P.I. comic. Huh, Marvel? Huh? Huh?) Anyway, you know how you can sum up most episodes of some TV shows with a single generic TV Guide listing? (Like this: COLUMBO: Columbo investigates the perfect murder. Or SMALLVILLE: A Kryptonite-powered teen villain threatens Clark's secret. Or GILMORE GIRLS: Lorelai has an argument with Emily and then everyone talks really really fast about pop culture references.) Well, then there's this one: FUTURAMA: Bender's latest money-making scheme goes awry and nearly kills Fry. But even if it's predictable, how can you not love a comic that includes Bender dressing up as Amy, President Nixon losing his jowl fat, and the Caption-Bot? It's all tied into a story with Bender becoming New New York's fitness czar and Fry greasing the transportations tubes of the city with delicious, delicious bacon fat. The creative comic at Bongo have the most important aspect of a successful TV-to-comics adaptation: the characters sound absolutely authentic; you can actually hear John DiMaggio as Bender when he declares on page 19: "Sure thing, right after I do my nightly roll in the money I've made today!'" All this, and a Superman crossover...really! If this doesn't sound fun to you...well...boo on you!


TT #29ZATANNA #4: This comic is fun. I'm not allowed to read every issue of Seven Soldiers (John, why can't I look at BULLETEER #1? Huh? Huh? Huh?) but those I have seen I've like a lot, even if I don't quite understand them...at least until I read all of 'em in one big Seven Soliders marathon festival. In this issue, Zee's quest for the Seven Unknown Men takes her into a magical battle that, like everything Mister Grant Morrison does, builds on traditional comic book cliché but takes them spinning off into his own hyper-nano-po-mo direction, so you can see touches of Steve Ditko and Gene Colan and Carmine Infantino and Mike Sekowsky in Ryan Sook's art, but it's orig'nal and fresh and keeps you (well, me, at least) guessing through the whole story. And ZATANNA #4 gets extra points for The Best Line of the Week (maybe even the year!): "It's a magnificent beard and I know you want one! Hahahaha!" There’re a very sweet few panels where Zatanna's father explains to her that his legacy to the world was not his spells or his magic books: it was his daughter. (sniff) Also, it is extra fun reading her backwards dialogue. And um...fishnets. They make me feel funny. But nice. That's why ZATANNA #4 is the most fun comic of the week!


Okay! Now I'm ready for leftover stuffing and pie! Just mash 'em up in a big bowl and bring me a spoon. Yay for leftovers!


Thursday, November 24, 2005

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!



A Thanksgiving Pageant by Bully, starring Bully (me!) and my kid sister Marshall:

(BULLY and MARSHALL enter the living room. BULLY is dressed like a pilgrim, including that belt-buckle hat. MARSHALL is dressed like an Indian Native American. Everyone APPLAUDS.)

MARSHALL: Hello Pilgrims. Would you like to come over for dinner today?
BULLY: Yes please. Thank you. Will there be corn?
MARSHALL: We call it maize.
(BOTH turn to audience and bow. Everyone APPLAUDS. Exeunt.)

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Thanksgiving 2005: Ten things (give or take a few) that I am thankful for.

John!

Superman and Batman!

Marshall!

Jack Kirby!

Cereal!

Jones Turkey and Gravy Soda!

Star Wars Action Figures!

Rory Gilmore!

Gus!

And...
You! For reading my blog!



Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!



Friday, November 18, 2005

Was it worth it?

So, I know what you're thinkin'. You're thinkin' was it worth it, little stuffed bull?...Was it worth it?

Heck yeah. It was worth it.

But first...

Simpsons #112SIMPSONS #112: This comic is fun. At last, a Simpsons comic that is more than just sorta fun...it's actual full-out real fun! It's a comics sequel to one of my favorite episodes, "The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase" and features three stories based on the Simpsons spin-off series from that show. My favorite in the TV show and in the comic was "Chief Wiggum, P.I." ("Look! he's slowly getting away!"), but the other two were good fun as well. And hey, a guest appearance by Susan Dey and Gary Busey! Still not convinced? Not enough to tickle your funny bone? How about the sudden reappearance of long-absent but always-loved Troy McClure, who you may remember from such comics as "Troy McClure's Comics and Stories" and "All-Star Troy-Man and Troy-Boy-The-Boy-Wonder." (Sniff. You're missed, Phil Hartman.)


Batman MM #1BATMAN & THE MONSTER MEN #1: This comic is fun...sorta. Wow! Best Batman cover in a long time! Creepy and cool. (But that sure is a big moon, Mister Wagner.) It's kinda a big shock after that cover to have the first word in the book be a swear word! Just to remind you: I am allowed to read comic books with some swear words in. An' it doesn't say "For Mature Audiences Only!" on the cover in big red letters, does it? (Checks and sees.) Nope! No, it does not. Still, that is not the first word I expected in a Batman comic book. It's a little too inspired in tone and format by Batman: Year One (not that there's anything wrong with that) but the plot seems promising enough: early in his career, Batman's facing off against the Mob (hey! isn't that a little like Batman: The Long Halloween?) but some monsters are very likely 'right 'round the corner 'cause yay! There's Professor Hugo Strange! You gotta love Professor Huge Strange. I wonder if he is Doctor Strange's brother. Anyway, there was one thing missing from most of this Batman story: Batman! He's only on five pages of the whole story! Yes, I'm aware that this is just the first chapter and I know there will be plenty of Batman coming later. But there were even whole rows of pages in which Bruce Wayne didn't appear. And then...oh no, can it be...pages of Batman's girlfriend in her underwear??!? Well, sorta. It looks like she got tired when visiting Bruce and Bruce let her sleep over. That was nice of him! The story is all well and good but that's not what I buy a Batman comic book for. Still, fantastic art. I might peek at the second issue to see if there is more swearing and kissy-kissy stuff first, though.


Runaways #10RUNAWAYS #10: This comic is fun...sorta. Here's a little riddle: what do the original X-Men, the Micronauts, and the Runaways have in common? Give up? Give up yet? The answer is: when they first appeared in their very first issue #1 of each comic, they were a team of heroes, none of which had ever been seen before. So you might assume, as I did when I first read John's old copies of Micronauts, that maybe this didn't take place in the Marvel Universe, so maybe we wouldn't get any cross-overs that would make it more confusing and tied-down to Marvel events and...whoops! There's Man-Thing! And Ant-Man! And the X-Men! Oh well! Anyway, it'll take a lot to make Runaways not fun to me, but plopping them down firmly in the Marvel Universe is one sure step. I really think this was a mistake not only in terms of making the story more reliant on Marvel Universe events (for example: will Molly of Runaways lose her powers after House of M?) but it also makes it a little less accessible to new readers. A book like Runaways is ideal to target to teens and pre-teens who like manga: the storyline of kids whose parents turn out to be evil villains is something any kid would enjoy, huh? But start tying it into the Marvel Universe: Ultron is one of the kid's fathers, ex-New Warriors and Power Packers show up, and Cloak and Dagger become regular cast members...well, that's jus' plain confusing for the casual reader. Don't get me wrong: I loves me some Marvel Universe. But I don't think every book they publish has to be set smack-dab in the middle of Marvel crossover land. (That said, without the Marvel Universe you couldn't get my entry for a new feature in my weekly comics reviews: The Best Line of the Week, this time spoken by Iron Man as he comes across Wolverine on a rooftop: "A Wolverine appearance? How novel." Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!)


Banana Sunday #4BANANA SUNDAY #4: This comic is fun. Oh, I love this comic, and in any normal week, it would easily win most fun comic of the week. The monkeys are funny, the girls are cute, the mystery is cool, the mythology is surprising (John was close but no cigar on what the monkeys represented when he guessed what they were in issue #1!), and the dialogue is just plain wonderful. (As Go-Go, the Sensational Character Find of 2005, says: "I like to have all the muffins!") Mister Nibot and Miss Coover, please please please please make more Banana Sunday comics! I will buy them all (unless Jim Lee draws them). Thank you.


FF #532FANTASTIC FOUR #532: This comic is not fun. This is the end to the storyline I like to call "The Cosmic Rays Are Intelligent But Are They As Interesting As Galactus? No, They Are Not." Reed learns a lot about the secrets of the universe but apparently mostly just how to get home and get in bed with his wife. Maybe they were both very tired. (Wow, that seems to be happening a lot this week in comics! Maybe all these superheroes should take some more vitamins.) A lot of the subplots are wrapped up pretty quick and I'd forgotten about most of them anyway. Some of the funny and fun stuff happening with my per'sonal hero, Ben Grimm, kinda spirals down the drain on the last page, maybe just serving as a set-up to the new THING comic book. And since the story is mostly about Reed, why is Johnny on the front cover? I figure I gave Mister J. Michael Straczynski (I don't even feel like making a joke about how to pronounce his name anymore!) enough time. Now that this story is finished, I'll prob'bly drop FF from my monthly comics shopping list and maybe peek in on the next storyline when or if it's collected in trade. It jus' isn't fun enough for me. And when "The World's Greatest Comics Magazine" isn't fun enough for me, well, that's 30 dimes I can save and spend instead on...


All Star Superman #1ALL STAR SUPERMAN #1: This comic is fun. Wait, that doesn't do it justice. Let me repeat it with the aid of excessive, needless HTML:

This comic is fun!

I mean, like wow. I know I first read this comic in the aftermath of a total fever dream but it was everything I hoped that All Star Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder wasn't: a wild, modern, tossed-into-the-action storyline that starts out with out of the single greatest retellings of Kal-El's origins in eight words and ends with some spilled oranges. It's got modern-as-nanotechnology elements and classic-as-Christopher Reeve character portrayals. It doesn't insult my little stuffed brain by spelling things out, but everything is there on the page for you to put together (why is Clark stumbling in a crosswalk? Why is the villain talking like Lex Luthor?)—that makes it a truly rare modern comic that actually rewards re-reading. It's Superman, all right, but it looks different (thanks, Mister Quitely!), it feels different, and golly, is sure is different from any other Superman comic on the stands now because it doesn't forget that first and foremost, Comics Oughta Be Fun. This one's not goin' in the longbox—it's going on the shelf so I can read it again and again. Is there any doubt in your mind that All Star Superman gets the award as the most fun comic of the week?


Golly! I'm so excited for All Star Superman #2 to come out next month that I bet I will hardly sleep tonight!


Thursday, November 17, 2005

Yawnnnnnnn...stretch...

Oh.

Oh.

Oh...poop.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

SUNNNNN IS COMINGGG UP

HEre c iomeez the sunn! IT IS MORNINGGG YAYYY

NOW WE CAN GO TO THE COM IC BOOLK STORR. WAKE UP JOHN TIME TO GO TGO COMIC BOOK STORR WAKEM UP WAKE UP ITS MORNING

I NEED SUPPERMAN COMIC PLEESE

I wanananNA REad SUPERMAAN COMIC THEN I CVAN GO N STLEEP OKAy

zzzzzzzzzzzz

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

the uyahsg iis ghjhlm, hy,.

uthags ;'berao hgy7 rta lo, nab. ahayte hagiuah y. YAGhn
SUPERMANNNNNNNNNnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

u7ujjmm,,

gegurghghh

t8eoo

I WANNA GO SLEEEEEp

I CANT FINDD ANY MORE

WE ARE OUT OF HERSHEES SYURUIP AND I CANNOT F UIND ANY MORE!!!! GRRRR WHEREDO YOU THINK CAMILLA HAS HIDENE IT! THERE M UST BE MORE AROUND HERE SOMEHWER

click...click...clikc

wooww there is really NUTHING good on tv at threee in thje mornjing.

reading: it puts you to sleep. NOT

at least that is what everyubody says. I have read all of showcase presents: superman and i'm now halfway into superman for all seasons. and i am not at all tired. i wish it would be mornin galready.

PS: Choclate milk is really really goood.

urghhhhhhhhhh

this isn't working. i can't sleep. maybe i will get up and read for a while.

Nothing at all.

I'm thinking about nothing. Nothing at all. Certainly not anything about Jimmy Olsen or Lex Luthor. Or what they will look like pencilled by the new artist. Quite frankly, Frank Quitely will

!

Oh my gosh! Quite Frankly! I just got it!

Hee hee hee hee hee!

La la la la la la.

..............

I am thinking of nothing at all.

..............

Marshall is snoring.

My baby sister is snoring! She is very very loud. I can't sleep! Grrrrrrrr. Maybe if I close my eyes and try to think of nothing at all I will fall asleep very very fast.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

I thought it was later than this!

How can it not even be midnight yet?!?!?

A little later.

This pillow is lumpy. Maybe I should go get another one. And some more chocolate milk.