Consternation, uproar! The New DC is barely half a crisis into its new life, and already startling and controversial changes are being made that the fans are up in arms over! And
aside from Rob Liefeld's return, many of these dubious changes involve the
physical appearances of the DC Comics characters we've all come to know and love
except Lobo. Unless you've had your head under an Earth-2 over the past couple days, you know that that
Amanda "The Wall" Waller...
...is now played by
Beyonce!
Green Arrow no longer sports his luxurious blonde mustache and goatee!
Violating years of continuity, our beloved
Batgirl is no longer Asian
nor blonde!
And
Superman no longer has a yellow belt! (Why
did Superman wear a yellow belt, anyway?*)
But wouldja
believe...
there's more? (There
is!) Here now, for the very first time:
the most startling physical changes to classic characters in the new DC Universe!
Alfred the Butler: fat again
Aquaman: now has webbed toes
Jimmy Olsen: round as a Weeble
Starfire: now even bustier
Black Lightning: now Caucasian
Despero: now has only two eyes, plus monocle
Batman: real ears are now tall and pointy to match mask
Lois Lane: vestigial tail
Deathstroke: blind in different eye
Mr. Mind: now a beautiful butterfly
Dex-Starr: neutered
Guy Gardner: neutered
Black Canary: luxurious blonde mustache and goatee
Darkseid: combover
*To keep his blue pants up.
You forgot to mention that Hawkman's wings are in the front now, making hiding them under a suit jacket an exceptional challenge.
ReplyDeleteDarkseid has learned the anti-good-taste equation! WE ARE ALL DOOMED! It's taking...effect...
ReplyDelete-choke-
WE RAISE OUR PANTS! AND SIX BILLION HERB TARLICKS ARE BORN! HAIL DARKSEID!
I wondered what happened to Ollie's facial hair!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad people don't get this outraged when real people lose weight. HOW DARE YOU KIRSTIE ALLEY!!
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