Whoops.

Mistakes? I've made a few. (But then again, too few to mention.) The Marvel Bullpen gang cannot say the same—they've made mistakes, errors, foul-ups, bloopers, and blunders a-plenty since the dawning of the Marvel Age right straight through the Heroic Age. Otherwise, how would we all have gotten no-prizes?!? So, let's take a look at not only some classic screw-ups from Mighty Marvel, but also some newer errors so grievous you can hardly believe your little button eyes!:



No, no, no, no. (No.) That's not what I mean by Marvel's mistakes. (And don't you be showing me a Spider-Clone cover next!) No, I'm talkin' 'bout classic boo-boos like getting the civilian name of your flagship character wrong:



Well, at least they got his superhero name right, right?



Well, anything's likely to happen to poor trouble magnet Peter Palmer Parker, right? A more heroic, a more mighty hero isn't going to have that problem...nobody at Marvel is going to get a Norse god's name wrong!



Aw, man, that's embarrassing. That would make Thor's civilian identity, Dr. Don Blake, flat out green with envy at the careful treatment Marvel's other powerhouses get.



And no list of Marvel's Greatest Mess-Ups is complete without these consecutive panels...I dunno about you, but if this moment isn't in next summer's Captain America movie, I'm askin' for my money back!



Here's a fairly minor but obvious error from the 1968 Captain America prose novel The Great Gold Steal. Sure, this is nitpicking...but if you know anything about Marvel history at all, you've memorized the number of the ish Cap reappeared in...and it ain't #3!



Here's a more recent example. Tony Stark's not only got himself some dandy new armor, but a shiny new girlfriend to go with it. She's a maniac, and she's dancing like she never danced before!



Did you spot the lack of communication between the writer and the colorist? Sure you did! Either that, or maybe Tony Stark has built-in infrared heat vision. Perhaps that why he didn't appreciate this movie.



Let's leave behind Tony Stark's propensity for staring at beautiful curvy women until they heat up and burst into flames, and let's travel to the House of M universe...Earth-58163, for those of you firing up your dimension-hoppers...and check in on everybody's favorite suburban couple, Scott and Emma Summers! So, what's wrong here? (And I'm not counting the Sentinel peeking in the window, or the fact that Emma's dressing gown seems to have carelessly come open. An Emma Frost who displays her body in wanton and explicit manners? Not in my column, bub!)



Give up? Aw, c'mon. Surely you noticed that Emma Frost appears to not know what a Pop-Tart is. (And that, given their sheer deliciousness and countless yummy flavors, is absolutely impossible in any universe.)



Here's one of my favorite Marvel bloopers of all time: the hero-vs.-hero competition known to us as Contest of Champions!



Here's the set-up: the cosmic Yahtzee champion, The Grandmaster, challenges a mysterious robed entity calling itself "The Unknown" to a grand galactic game: in each of four rounds, twelve heroes, six to a team, will battle to gain possession of a section of a Terry's Chocolate Orange. Since the entire first issue consists of setting up the plot and the heroes all introducing themselves by speaking their names aloud in casual conversation, ish #2 starts out with the first of the four battles. Daredevil, the Man without Sight Fear, wins the match, capturing the globe's quarter for the Grandmaster's team:



Round two: the Arabian "No, I wasn't created only and specifically for this miniseries; I have a vast and full backstory, why?" Knight grabs the quarter for the Unknown. Tie score! And the halftime band takes the field!



Issue #3: The Thing wins round 3. Well, of course. Grandmaster 2, Unknown, 1. But don't tear up your betting slips yet!



And as the Contest of Chumps comes to a close, Shamrock, the only superhero who comes with sweet marshmallow surprises, grabs the gold for a decisive win for the Grandmaster! Hooray! Hooray!



THE YANKEES WIN THE PENNANT! THE YANKEES WIN THE PENNANT! Or, as the Unknown says (showing that even hooded, faceless, embodiments of cosmic forces can be good losers at galactic games of Parcheesi):



Now just w-w-w-wait a minute there, Mister (in my George Bailey voice). Let's do a recount. The first three fights, OK, those were counted right. Then Shamrock won the final piece for her team, the Grandmaster.

Except...



Shamrock was playing for the Unknown's team.

Yes, Contest of Champions...the historical first Marvel miniseries where the whole plot was entirely flummoxed by an editorial error.

A few years later, The Unknown...oh, what the heck, it was Death...what? I'm not giving you a spoiler warning for a nearly-thirty-year-old comic book! Death reveals that he she Death lost on purpose. Now that's some retcon, Marvel! Why didn't you retcon the fact that none of the Marvel heroes, including four or five of the smartest people in the world, can't count to four?!?



So, in conclusion: mistakes were made. Isn't that right, Ben Grimm?



Whoops. What do you think, Alicia?