Dumbass Things You Shouldn't Do in the Marvel Universe, Number 3

Here's a fair warning to those ordinary civilians of the Marvel Universe. Sure, Spidey's a friendly guy who'll wave at you as he swings over Manhattan, and Captain America will stop and shake your hand and remind you that folks like you are the real hero. Even The Thing will shoot back a gruff but charmingly witty rejoinder if you remind him about that time Terrax punched him through the Chrysler Building.

But never, ever, even dare to tell Namor the Sub-Mariner no shirt, no service...

All comics panels in this post are from Namor, The Sub-Mariner #3 (June 1990), script and pencils by John Byrne, inks by Bob Wiacek, colors by Glynis Oliver, letters by Ken Lopez

Because he'll give you the Atlantean Withering Gaze of Utter Disdain™.


So, remember. Don't do that thing.

And say hey, true bullievers, what magazine is that nurse reading anyway? Could it be the hot-off-the-newsstand latest issue of J. Jonah Jameson's Now (cover story: 'Spider-Man, His Makeup and Hairdo Tips: Are They Threat or Menace?")? Well, whatever the magazine is, let's take a little closer gander at its pages:


Hmmm, just who are those two guys spotlighted in the mag? Sadly, we never find out, as the Marvel Implosion of 1990 cancelled the debut issue Wisecracking Sassy Nurse #1 before it even came off the presses. (And she was dressing down Wolverine for eating a ham without a fork and knife in the first issue, too!) So, in the words of that Tootsie Pop narrator, "the world may never know."

But here's my guess...could it be...Namor inker Bob Wiacek and writer/penciller John Byrne (seen here in photos from the ComicVine.com entries on Wiacek and Byrne?:


Honestly, that's just a guess. I really don't know. And short of venturing into the wild, untamed territory of the Byrne Robotics Forum and posing a question for "JB" (remember, it's rude to answer the question before Mister B. gets a chance to!), I'm probably not gonna know.

But I like to think that in a word where Norse gods walk the earth and intelligent robots get to marry hot Balkan chicks who later go nutzoid and remake the world in the image of an issue of What If?, that maybe there are magazines that celebrate that cadre of creators at Marvels Comics who portray our amazing, uncanny, incredible, invincible, and fantastic heroes.

All the same, if Byrne and Wiacek walk into her hospital, they darn well better be wearing shirts.