Dr. Doom: Dictator. Tyrant. Party animal. Comics fanboy.

(I originally wrote this entry as a thread post on The Comics Journal Message Board last summer. It's mildly expanded and tweaked here, but if it seems familiar, then this question remains: what was a Doctor Doom thread, much less one by a little stuffed bull, doing on The Comics Journal Message Board?)

While we're all sitting here waiting for Doom to arrive (and believe me, when he announces that he's going to be arriving, you'd better wait), let's contemplate another reason that Doctor Doom totally rules: Doom, much like Spuds MacKenzie, is the Original Party Animal.

What? You're laughing at that? Dr. Doom, scourge of the Fantastic Four, global supervillain, is a party animal? Don't make us laugh, little stuffed bull! you say? But...it's true! It's all true. I shall prove it, and in the manner of an algebra exam, I shall show my work while doing so, and for extra credit, I shall prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that Dr. Doom is worthy of filling in for me on this blog, because not only is he a wild and crazy guy, he is a comic book fanboy at heart.

So let me pose you this tricky question, Marvel Fanboys: you think you're so smart, then answer this: what Marvel character has been seen with a drink in his hand more often than any other character put together?

Oh sure, sure, the snarky, Wizard-inspired answer is to reply this guy:


Skeptical ladies and gentlemen, may I present exhibit A:



And exhibit B:



And exhibits C, four, and E:







Heck, even action figures and collector statues feature Doom's big gold goblet by his side:



But unlike unshaven, sweaty, Kentucky bourbon-craving Iron Man, there's really no proof that Doomsie did anything more than take the occasional, measured sip of fine European wine:



In fact, Doom is much more likely to use his trademark heirloom jewel-encrusted goblet to make a dramatic, well-phrased toast rather than to swill down refreshment in the uncouth manner of a common peasant:



Not everybody is so well-mannered to accept the hospitality of the Cup of Doom, though:



Whoa, calm down there, Subbie! A simple, polite, "No thanks, I'm driving," would suffice!

I mean, it's not as if sipping a cup from that fancy-ass beaded chalice is anything to be afraid of...is it?



Well, maybe it is. Although maybe not so much something to fear as Doom's splay-legged slouch while quaffing his thirst:



For a boy who loves his mama so much, he sure didn't learn to sit up straight and not slouch at the dinner table, did he?

You begin to see why Vic has that beautiful Franklin Mint-quality goblet around all the time when you realize he's prone to dramatic proclamations and grandiose toasts:



Now wait a minute, true believers, who's that shadowy figure with a healthy dose of Latverian-inspired fear who's guest-starring as Doom's drinkin' buddy? Why, none other than his contemporary 1970s would-be world-dictator, another Doctor we all fear, Dr. Henry Kissinger!



That's right, fanboys! Vic the Slick is not the sort of common man who sits about a Latverian bierhaus, quaffing frosties with Hans und Fritz during the Doomstadt Oktoberfest! He's a world power, and as such he hangs out with the leaders of the other superpowers:



It's true, Doom really is the Original Pimp Daddy. Whether he's hoisting a bejeweled goblet, or in this instance, taking a well-deserved Spring Break on the French Riviera, the Man in the Iron Mask knows how to party with the best of 'em:




But in the end...and you just knew this, didn't you?...Doctor Victor von Doom is just like one of us, a lonely, misunderstood fanboy, obsessed with his hobby, whiling away the hours playing with his HeroClix figures...



What? You're not buying that Doctor Doom is the biggest comics fanboy of all? Here's the ultimate proof, True Disbelievers! Doom is such a fanboy that even in the heart of battle he can't resist riffing on the title of his favorite Roy Thomas book, Avengers #58:



All hail Doom—the original Sidney Mellon! 'Nuff said.