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All's well here. Blog posts will return soon.

However, I'm attempting something akin to turning a battleship around on a dime.

Stay tuned. I'm here.

365 Days of Defiance, Day 24: I hope the Russians love their spiders too

He may have the proportionate strength of a spider and the brilliant science mind of an elastic engineer, but I've always said that Spider-Man's most dangerous weapon is his sarcasm. (Also: dramatic irony, metaphor, bathos, puns, parody, litotes and satire.) Watch him defeat Colossus and Magik, both possessed by the Phoenix Force, armed only with a sonic screwdriver his wits!

(Click this picture to Bendis-crossover-event-size)


Panels from Avengers vs. X-Men #9 (October 2012); (deep inhale) plot by Brian Michael Bendis, Ed Brubaker, Jonathan Hickman, and Matt Fraction; script by Jason Aaron; pencils by Adam Kubert; inks by John Dell; colors by Laura Martin and Larry Molinar; letters by Chris Eliopoulos

A Month of... Celebrities in Comics, Day 24: The little harmonica is hammered

So no one told you life was gonna be this way
You're in a Civil War
And Rhodey's D-O-A
It's like you're still a prisoner of war
And if you remember your past
You killed a guy in issue 124

Well, she'll be there for you
'Coz she's Courteney Cox
If you're Iron Man
And you've got metal socks
She'll be there for you
Guest-starring in Iron Man 2



Panels from Iron Man (1998 series) #13 (February 1999), script by Kurt Busiek, pencils by Sean Chen and Patrick Zircher; inks by Lary Stucker, Eric Cannon, and Bud LaRosa; colors by Steve Oliff; letters by Wes Abbott
In the next panel, the Human Fly flies into Rumiko's mouth.

365 Days of Defiance, Day 23: The Third- or Fourth-to-Last Jedi

Today, Janaury 23, Disney announced the title of the eighth or ninth Star Wars film: Star Wars: The Last Jedi. To which the accumulation of Star Wars fandom sighed "Oh, at last." But it's not the first Last Jedi! Back in the heady days of original Star Wars Fever, Marvel Comics published a powerful and touching tale called "The Last Jedi" which introduced Jedidiah, an alien with Star Wars-induced PTSD that has left him with the delusion (or memory?) that he was one of the fabled but extinct Jedi Knights.


Panels from Star Wars (1977 Marvel series) #49 (July 1981), script by Mike W. Barr, breakdowns by Walt Simonson, finishes by Tom Palmer, colors by Don Warfield and Christie Scheele, letters by Shelly Leferman
As befits his usual part in the Star Wars universe, C-3PO takes on the role of caretaker and nanny for the addled "Jedi." Still, even Threepio isn't without sympathy for Jedi.


Later, of course, Luke Skywalker is in trouble, so he lights up the Jedi Signal unconsciously sends out a psychic call for help! Of course, Jedi's run off to help, and Artoo is already planning his own alibi and framing Threepio.


Luke's hair is red in this sequence, by the way, not because of a coloring error (no blaming Christie "Max" Scheele!), but because he was disguising himself as Space-Danny Bonaduce, which explains why he's gotten involved in a deadly brawl. Also: sexy Imperial officer. HEY GEORGE I FIGGERED OUT HOW TO AMKE YOUR MOVIES BETTER


Jedi sacrifices his life to save Luke from the deadly blaster shot, thus giving up his chance to become a beloved recurring character in the Star Wars Universe, like the Tonnika Sisters or Yak Face.


Altho' we will never see Jedi again, and later on Luke becomes a true Jedi and therefore he really wasn't the Last Jedi, we shall always remember his honor and sacrifice. Until Disney blows up the Extended Universe. Boom!


Even so: May the Force be With You!

A Month of... Celebrities in Comics, Day 23: Lethal Weapon 8: Dial M for Mel

Hey kids! That's Mel Gibson and Alfred Hitchcock hanging around the Salem Center, New York hospital (Our Lady of Mutated Grace Memorial)! EDIT: Oh, no, wait, as joecab correctly points out below, that's Vince Edwards as Dr. Ben Casey, which makes a lot more sense in the setting. I am humbly and gratefully corrected! Please just ignore all the Lethal Weapon jokes I've liberally scattered around this post, won't you?


Panel from The New Mutants (1983 series) #19 (September 1984), script by Chris Claremont, pencils and inks by Bill Sienkiewicz, colors by Glynis Wein, letters by Tom Orzechowski
Also in this issue: the proof that Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters was the inspiration for Betsy DeVos's "arm a student, stop a bear" proposal! She was trying to warn us: demon bears kill!

Ten of a Kind: This is fine.

And Nazis of today, don’t forget this important message:




(More Ten of a Kind here.)

365 Days of Defiance, Day 22: Best Captain America entrance ever

Panels from "Trapped in the Nazi Stronghold" in Captain America Comics #2 (Marvel/Timely, April 1941), script and pencils by Joe Simon and Jack Kirby

A Month of... Celebrities in Comics, Day 22: Well, no salad dressing for dinner now

Reid Fleming (World's Toughest Milkman™) and his gal-pal Lena Toast are watching The Commander Bob and Betty Show (no advance tapes were sent before this review). Naturally, as in all great TV shows like Survivor or The Joe Franklin Show, you may not survive the experience!


Panels from Reid Fleming: World's Toughest Milkman #2 (Eclipse, March 1987); script, pencils, inks, and letters by David Boswell
Today's special guest star: Hollywood legend Paul Newman! Go ahead, ask him anything about anything except his acting debut in 1954's The Silver Chalice, sometimes referred to as Paul Newman and the Holy Grail. Newman publicly called the film "the worst motion picture produced during the 1950s" and took out a full-page advertisement imploring audiences not to watch it on TV. In other words: don't mention The Silver Chalice! I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it all right.


We all salute the life and career of Paul Newman (1925-1987).

Still, I quibble at the honorific "World's Toughest Milkman." Why, look what happened when he rang my doorbell!

365 Days of Defiance, Day 21: Down in the sewer / Picking up quite a lot of empty Coca-Cola cans / And there sure are a lot of them around here

Panels from The [Uncanny] X-Men (1963 series) #132 (April 1980), co-plot and script by Chris Claremont, co-plot and pencils by John Byrne, inks by Terry Austin, colors by Glynis Wein, letters by Tom Orzechowski

A Month of... Celebrities in Comics, Day 21: Hillary Rises

Remember UltraForce? Role call: Hardcase! Prototype! Prime! Ghoul! Contrary! Topaz! Pixx! Gathered together from the cosmic reaches of the universe (and Cleveland) — here in this great Hall of Justice Ultra — are the most powerful forces of good ever assembled! And they had their own critically-disdained Saturday morning cartoon! Which other superhero team can claim that?!?

Before Marvel acquired Malibu Comics in order to get the printing techniques for their ahead-of-its-time shaded coloring

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EDIT on 01/28/17: Ardent and head-shiny reader Green Luthor checked in below in the comments to correct me on the story of Marvel's acquisition of Malibu. Or, as G.L. told me...

For the record, the story that Marvel bought Malibu for it's printing and/or coloring isn't true; they actually bought Malibu to prevent DC from buying them first. (Marvel had more market share at the time than DC, but DC was attempting to negotiate to buy Malibu at the time, and Malibu had enough market share itself that the purchase would allow DC to overtake Marvel. Marvel didn't want that (for obvious reasons), so they negotiated their own buyout of Malibu.)

...and linked to Brian Cronin's always entertaining Comics Legends column on the subject. Go read for the straight skinny! And thank you, Green Luthor!

---

...(note that there's three color credits for this issue) and turned the UltraVerse into the Marvel Universe's Narnia closet, there were adventures of the UltraForce that didn't involve Juggernaut or Black Knight or Ghost Rider or Man-Thing or whoever it was they shunted over to Earth-93060 in an attempt to goose the sales. I presume the UltraVerse was destroyed by smashing it against Earth-616 like a rotten tomato during Secret Wars '15, but sometimes it's fun to look back and see this proto-shared universe's differences and similarities to our own world. For example, they did have a President Bill Clinton. On the other hand, he's dressed up like Jimmy Olsen!


Panels from UltraForce (1994 Malibu series) #2 (October 1994), script by Gerard Jones, breakdowns by George Pérez, pencils by John Statema, inks by Jeff Whiting and Barb Kaalberg, color design by Robert Alvord, colors by Emily Yoder, color separations by Violent Hues, letters by Patrick Owsley
Also present behind Bill and also from the real world: Secretary-General of the United Nations Boutros Boutros-Ghali and, probably referring to himself in the third person, Senator Bob Dole. Also, apparently, Billy Dee Williams. I'm not certain if I could have picked this universe's Bill Clinton out of a line-up based on his appearance, but there's enough textual evidence to show it is indeed Mister Clinton. Doin' something slick, no doubt!


in order to provide conflict and a plot point, UltraForce's resident manipulator Contrary manipulates emotions so that alien queen Topaz blows her top and challenges the purpose of meeting with that guy who played saxamaphone on The Arsenio Hall Show. Whoa, switch to decaf, Topaz! You're Maxima-ing all over the plkace!


That is, until Pixx calls forth an ethereal vision of reason and sanity to calm Topaz down, in the form of...Hillary Clinton. Wha...huh?!


So, on this important day when women around the world are marching for justice, equality, and their voices to be heard, let's all remember that time Hillary Clinton had a really convincing other-universe speech while glowing. And I'm going to admit that the phrase "Women do get stepped on in this world, but if we stick together and don't let guys get away with too much...well, we'll get there." is at least semi-inspirational. I'd replace "too much" with "all their crap," but your mileage may vary. And don't think of Gennifer Flowers!

I give full support, two hooves up, and complete props to the women and men and children marching today, their anger, righteousness, bravery, and actions are all a strong sign of and a solid path towards true justice. Give 'em hell, women.

Today in Comics History: Go nuts today

Panel from Deadpool: Too Soon #1 (December 2016), script by Joshua Corin, pencils and inks by Todd Nauck, colors by Jim Charalampidisk, letters by Joe Sabino, storyboards by Reilly Brown

365 Days of Defiance, Day 20: Teen Titans Go!

Panels from Tales of the New Teen Titans Annual #3 (1984), co-plot and script by Marv Wolfman, co-plot and pencils by George Pérez, inks by Mike DeCarlo, colors by Adrienne Roy, letters by Ben Oda

Today in Comics History: Spitfire definitely isn't getting her security deposit back

Splash page from "The Sublet" in Psi-Force #20 (June 1988), script by Fabian Nicieza, pencils by Mark Bagley, inks by Chris Ivy, colors by Greg Wright, letters by Ken Lopez

A Month of... Celebrities in Comics, Day 20: "Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek."

Hey, remember the time that Luke Cage got really Sweet Christmased-off at one of New York City's most self-entitled real estate developers because he wouldn't let his limo driver get out of the way of an ambulance?



Panels from New Avengers (2005 series) #47 (January 2009), script by Brian Michael Bendis, pencils and inks by Michael Gaydos, colors by Justin Ponsor, letters by Albert Deschesne
I do too! You could, honestly and accurately, describe that guy as one of the Celebrities in Comics.

But you know what? I'm in charge here, and he doesn't get a spotlight today. He doesn't get to appear in this blog which celebrates heroes, justice, and fun. Not on my blog.


You may have noticed that I set this series of posts each day to appear at high noon (unless I'm late) so that y'all have something to look at while you have your delicious tuna sammich, bag of Barbecue Fritos, and that yummy-lookin' chocolate chip cookie hey are you gonna eat alla that cookie? But I set this here post to go off at 11:00 AM. My point (and I do have one) is that at least at the time this piece posted, that guy above is not anything more than an ordinary American citizen.

Let's look at somebody else in a different comic book, like, say, Amazing Spider-Man #583. There's quite a handful of celebrities in ASM #583. Here's the very first Marvel Universe appearance of Diamond Joe Biden. This portrayal of Biden as America's Favorite Cool Uncle is definitely a G-rated version of the Onion's hilarious ongoing coverage of him as a hard-drinkin', hard-driving', hard-lovin' ramblin' man.


Panels from "Spidey Meets the President!" in Amazing Spider-Man #583 (March 2009), script by Zeb Wells, pencils and inks by Todd Nauck, colors by Frank D'Armata, letters by Jared K. Fletcher
Also appearing: Senator John McCain, America's favorite frozen French fry, second-place, first-runner-up in 2008's popular "Who Wants to Be Blamed for Everything That's Wrong in America?" reality show.


Nope. Today's Celebrity in Comics is a man I'm standing up tall and proud on both hooves to salute with the honor and support he deserves: President Barack Obama. Sure, he never saved us from Galactus, and he wasn't a perfect leader of our country, but who among us can say that? Sit down, Victor.


Turns out that ersatz Barack is actually the Chameleon. Remember yesterday when I promised you a supervillain today? Her he is, the Chameleon! (Why, who did you think I meant?) This perennial Spider-foe is impersonating Obama and trying to step his tiny little shape-changing feet into the big shoes of the U.S. President. That trick never works!


Yes, as the clock clicks closer to noon, I can sit back and daydream that the above ranting dialogue somehow happens today...


But it's not gonna happen. And moments like the World's Greatest Fistbump in Comics Magazine now become just another back issue. We shall not see its likes again...


OH MAN THAT FIRST DIALOGUE BALLOON BY OBAMA FTW

I think one of the ways Obama has affected me, a little stuffed bull, the most, is his constant and earnest inspiration message: that we are all Americans, that we must strive to be better people, better citizens, better Americans. We must teach and learn and speak and listen and work and play together. We must be Americans. YES WE CAN.


Panels from Action Comics (1938 series) #901 (July 2011), script by Paul Cornell, pencils and inks by Kenneth Rocafort and Jesus Merino, colors by Brad Anderson, letters by Rob Leigh
Now it's probably after noon, and Barack Obama is no longer our President. To ladle on the hurt, there's no Superman in our world. So we have to be the heroes the President is calling for here. We have to teach, and learn, and speak, and listen, and be heroes for ourselves. And our communities, and our country, and our people. The power is in our hands — now, as always — to band together, to speak truth to power, to put out a hand not in anger but to lift someone else up. To fight injustice, to right that which is wrong, and to serve all mankind.

Together, no Orange Kryptonite can stop us.