Manic Pixie Dream Squirrel

Throughout the merchandising history of Marvel Comics, there's been more than a few weird-ass trading cards released featuring the Happy Hippie House of Idea's homemade heroes:


But probably no overall concept in trading cards has been as oddball as the 1997 Marvel Premium QFX set from Fleer/SkyBox! The "Q" is for Quesada ("Cup of" Joe), who drew all the artwork, and the FX is for...well, I think it's for weird photographic effects, because every drawing is set against a real photographic background.


That's so photorealistic that they even forgot to pick up the garbage from the sidewalk before they took the picture. Well...that's New York City for ya! Still, there's some nice effects at work here, like this shot of the Black Panther perching precipitously on Patience, one of the giant stone lions outside the New York Public Library:


I'm a little bit puzzled by Fleer/SkyBox's use of photographs that clearly show other companies' logos in them, like that banner spotlighting The New York Times on the Panther card. Or featuring both Kodak and Canon's Times Square billboards on the Howard the Duck card:


And some of the background choices are a little bit...well, let's just call it, as mentioned above, weird-ass, and let it go at that. Cyclops: in front of an eyeglass place! Haw! It's funny, because should he remove his ruby quartz eyeglasses at any time, he could destroy humanity with just a single glance! Also, his spectacles take way more than an hour to make.


Thanos! Not merely content to conquer the known galaxy, he also intends to hang around Rockefeller Plaza and kidnap Liz Lemon when she comes downstairs. Well, can't blame him there.


And to properly display the might and grandeur of Thor, here's a card showing him a mere twenty feet off the ground cavorting with pigeons, the flying rats of Manhattan. Don't touch 'em, Thor! Don't put your lips on them!


At least Storm of the X-Men gets top fly high above the city, which is a pretty good trick with her "look at my rear" posture and her enormous feet.


On the other hand, here's Jubilee hangin' out in...I dunno, Queens? Staten Island? Amityville? Is she selling real estate now? Enquiring minds want to know what the Sam Scratch the thought behind this card was!


But then there is, photographed in Central Park, quite possibly the weirdest, most disturbing, off-modelist version of Squirrel Girl that is known to the entire length and breadth of history.

GAZE DEEP

INTO THE SCARY CLOWN FACE

OF AMERICA'S SQUIRRELHEART

365 Days of Star Wars Comics, Day 350: My Wookieewich!

Panels from Star Wars Adventures: Han Solo and the Hollow Moon of Khorya graphic novel (April 2009), script by Jeremy Barlow, pencils by Rick Lacy, inks by Matthew Loux, colors by Michael Atiyeh, letters by Michael Heisler

I'm pretty sure that's not the actual definition of détente, 007

DC keeps trying to make the point that the All-New All-Different New 52 Starfire is comically ignorant of Earth's customs and all those familiar narrative clichès so celebrated by the TV Tropes webpage — but on the other hand, it's absolutely clear Kori's been watching James Bond movies.



Panels from Starfire (2015 series) #7 (February 2016), script by Amanda Conner and Jimmy Palmiotti, pencils by Emanuela Luppachino, pencil assists by Mirco Pierfederici, inks by Ray McCarthy and Sean Parsons, colors by Hi-Fi, letters by Tom Napalitano
To be precise, she's apparently caught, and sat enraptured through, 1981's Roger Moore showcase For Your Eyes Only.


(Here's the comic book version. Not quite word-for-word, is it?)

Panels from James Bond: For Your Eyes Only #2 (November 1981), script by Larry Hama, pencils by Howard Chaykin, inks by Vince Colletta, colors by Christie Scheele, letters by Jean Simek
Which only goes to prove: Princess Koriand'r may look like a Bond girl, but she's as smart as Daniel Craig. Or at least George Lazenby.

Play us off, Sheena Easton!

365 Days of Star Wars Comics, Day 349: May the Pork Be with You

Panels from Star Wars: Jedi Academy #3: The Phantom Bully (June 2015); script, pencils, inks, and letters by Jeffrey Brown

Golden Age Angel Love Team-Up

Panels from the Joan Mason story "The Beauty Parlor Murders" in Blue Beetle (1940 Fox series) #35 (October 1944), creators unknown; and from Angel Love #1 (August 1986), script and pencils by Barbara Slate, inks by John William Lopez, colors by Bob LeRose, letters by Bill Yoshida?

365 Days of Star Wars Comics, Day 348: The fabric of the universe

On a recent trip to Target I discovered this amazing women's top that A) won't fit me and B) consists of a pattern of Marvel Star Wars comics panels!



Man, that's a whole lotta Carmine Infantino for one woman to wear.

Also spotted at your friendly neighborhood Jo-Ann Fabrics: Star Wars material cloth featuring Marvel comics covers!


I want an entire three-piece suit made out of that. And that's not all: check out their huge range (I'm not kidding) of Star Wars material!


Never fear, superhero fans: Jo-Ann's also has you covered with enough Marvel and DC Comics fabrics to build a circus tent out of:

Click photo to Hulk-size
I think you cannot deny that this truly is the Golden Age of Star Wars stuff. At least for tailors.

I'm always touched by your presence, Andrew

Andrew Weiss, everybody! Let's give him a great big hand!


And that's the subtle, nuanced humor you've all been missing while I've been gone.

Seriously...thank you, Andrew. When I was slamming my fuzzy little head against my desk when my computer died, he immediately volunteered to guest-blog while I carefully applied a claw hammer to my iMac, he thoughtfully volunteered to fill in and provided a sense of absolute fun that I try to celebrate in these here virtual pages. If'n you missed 'em, please go back and check out his posts. And while your'e add it, you really oughta be adding Andrew's Armagideon Time to your regular reading. I say this without hyperbole: he's truly on of the sharpest and most entertaining bloggers on comics, music, pop culture, and twentieth-century folly available on the Inter-majig-net. He makes me think, laugh, and ooh and ahh in awe. Also: if you're not careful, you may just learn something. (I'm takin' that phrase back.)

Thank you also to the many, many people who chimed in with message of support, tech help, offers to lend me a computer or even chip in to get me a replacement. Thank you all; you honestly don't know how much this meant to me at a very distressing time. And remember: back up all your files. Even though I had backed up my files daily, I was still distraught at the prospect of losing stuff (like the rest of the year's Star Wars comics panels) that I had sitting on my desktop without being backed up.

Luckily and thankfully, a new computer arrived at Casa Bully this week, and while I curse Macintosh OS Mavericks for doing away with "Labels," I was relieved and pleased at how quickly I was able to transfer everything from old to new.

Which is as good a time as any to thank you, the viewer reader, for your attention and patience this past week and indeed all throughout 2015. I've seen my lifestyle change to the point I'm not able to keep up with the blog every single day. You may have noticed that I often update with a blast of several posts at once in a following week — in fact some time tonight after I post this return post you'll see a barrage of Star Wars and Today in Comics History posts, so don't forget to go back and check 'em out! Altho' I'm not finding as much free time as I did circa 2010 or so (The Little Stuffed Social Diary has been very filled in recently!), you can still count on fun through 2016, including a brand-new series of 365 Days of... and...well, some other keen stuff I'll try to get to! Thanks for stickin' with Comics Oughta Be Fun!

And...well, this one's for you, Andrew. (wipes little black button eyes with handkerchief)

Today in Comics History: Tony Stark believes he is the first to discover the concept of a "lost weekend"

Panels from Superior Iron Man #5 (April 2015), script by Tom Taylor, pencils and inks by Laura Braga, colors by Guru-eFX, letters by Clayton Cowles

365 Days of Star Wars Comics, Day 347: Now to slip out of this wetsuit and into a dry spicebrew

Hey, it's Leiasunday! (Eh, that's never gonna become a thing either.)


Panels from Star Wars: Rebel Heist #2 (May 2014), script by Matt Kindt, pencils by Marco Castiello, inks by Dan Parsons, colors by Gabe Eltaeb, letters by Michael Heisler

365 Days of Star Wars Comics, Day 346: Shooting at the walls of heartache, bang bang

Hey, it's Leiasaturday! (That's really never gonna become a thing, is it?)


Cover of Star Wars: Empire #20 (May 2004), painted art by Doug Wheatley
And here's the original cover art sans logo and typography!

Today in Comics History: Enter Mopee

Panels from Flash: Season Zero #1 (December 2014), story by Andrew Kreisberg, script by Brooke Eikmeier and Katherine Walczak, pencils by Phil Hester, inks by Eric Gapstur, colors by Kelsey Shannon, letters by Deron Bennett

365 Days of Star Wars Comics, Day 345: Heroes on a half-tee

Hey, we can't let this year wind down without yet another one of the


..which I really hope someday becomes a page on TV Tropes, and I become the Trope Namer. Anyway:


Panel from Star Wars #13 (February 2016), script by Jason Aaron, pencils and inks by Mike Deodato, colors by Frank Martin Jr., letters by Chris Eliopoulos
But hey, wait a minute, Doctor Aphra! Are you really wearin' a crop top befitting your position as Darth Vader's chauffeur and general all-around gopher? Let's turn a few pages and look at a couple more panels:



So, I'm guessing the first panel was just a coloring mistake instead of Aphra flaunting her Force-toned abs. Still: skin-tight t-shirts of the Star Wars Universe.

So glad we had this time together

I have been informed that a certain Little Stuffed Bull has sorted out his computer woes and is planning his triumphant return, so it is time for me to bid you all adieu.


Before I trudge on back to Armagideon Time, I would like to thank Bully and his pal John for graciously allowing me to serve as this site's guest host. 


I had a lot of fun doing it, and that's important.  Comics -- like any endeavor involving human beings and money changing hands -- can get pretty icky at times, and those highly visible negative aspects can overshadow what is a pretty amazing medium full of all sorts of talented folks doing incredible work.


For example, funnybooks gave us this...

..and this...

...and this...

...and this...

...and...um...this...

I'll, uh, let myself out.

14,078 Days of Star Wars Knock-Off Comics, Day 14,078: (Don) Newtonian Physics

(from "The Star Hunters" in DC Super-Stars #16, Sep-Oct 1977; by David Micheline, Don Newton and Bob Layton)

Forgive me.  I was trying to pick up where the Little Stuffed Bull left off, but I couldn't quite get the hang of it.

365 Days of Star Wars Comics, Day 344: Always something there to remind me

Panels from Star Wars: Darth Vader and the Lost Command #2 (February 2011), script by Haden Blackman, pencils by Rick Leonardi, inks by Daniel Green, colors by Wes Dzioba, letters by Michael Heisler

365 Days of Star Wars Comics, Day 343: It's about ethics in the Star Wars Universe

Panels from Star Wars (1977 Marvel series) #51 (September 1981), script by David Michelinie, pencils by Walt Simonson, inks by Tom Palmer, colors by Don Warfield, letters by John Morelli

If it ain't baroque

Andrew Otis Weiss here again, with a guest post guaranteed to make even the most indulgent fashionista cry.

Last time around, I celebrated the Golden Age simplicity of the Black Condor. Today, I'm here to shine a little love on a pair of Bronze Age bookends of the baroque.

Representing DC Comics, we have...

(from Fury of Firestorm #1, June 1982; by Gerry Conway, Pat Broderick & Rodin Rodriguez)

...the furious Firestorm, the Nuclear Man!

Origin: The fusion of a high school jock and a middle aged physicist.

Powers: Flight, blasty-hands, intangibility, matter transmutation.

Costume: Poofy sleeves, blazing noggin, pointy shoulders, sorta symbolic insignia, 1970s McDonalds color scheme.

Archvillain: Killer Frost, the frozen Femme Fatale.

Current status: Check out LEGENDS OF TOMORROW on the New CW!


Meanwhile, over in the mighty Marvel corner, we have:

(from Marvel Premiere #44, October 1978; by Bill Mantlo, Keith Giffen & Rudy Nebres)

...the jaunty Jack of Hearts!

Origin: Got dipped in his poker-loving pa's experimental "Zero Fluid." (Also, his mom turned out to be a space alien.)

Powers: Flight, blasty-hands, super-strength, damage resistance.

Costume: What happens when a Bicycle deck face card joins the SCA.

Archvillain: Hemlock, the assassin who wields heat-seeking explosive garden trowels. (As well as any penciller, inker, or colorist who had to deal with the character.)

Current status: Man, Phase 7 on the Marvel Cinematic Universe is going to be SO RAD.

All kidding aside, I love both these exercises in over-complicated garishness with equal measure. They were the lurid, overwrought products of a lurid, overwrought period in comics history -- one that just so happened to coincide with my childhood obsession with all things gaudy and superheroic. Their confusing powersets and convoluted origins informed my own early attempts at creating superheroes, where "too much" was "never enough" and there was always room for a bit of contra-fashionable flair.

Look, any schmoe can come up with "noble alien champion" or "spider-powered teenager." A truly imaginative child of the late 1970s would never settle for anything less than "um, he's a robot who is also part alien and the son of Zeus and he can fly and spit fire and lift a billion tons and his name is 'Mega-PowerMaster King.'"

Chuckle all you want. My mom said I was "very creative" when she hung the sketch on the family fridge.


Seriously, though: When I embarked on my Great Back Issue Buying Binge during the mid-1990s, Firestorm and Jack of Hearts appearances filled the top half of my wish list. They might be goofy, but it's a goofiness that cuts right to the nostalgic core of my comics fandom.

365 Days of Star Wars Comics, Day 342: Year-end employee evaluations of the Star Wars Universe

Panels from Star Wars: The Force Unleashed graphic novel (August 2008), script by Haden Blackman; pencils and inks by Brian Ching, Bong Dazo, and Wayne Nichols; colors by Michael Atiyeh; letters by Michael Heisler

Today in Comics History: Using time travel, Garth Ennis ironically creates new gay rights anthem

Panel from Dicks: To the End of Time, Like #2 (June 2014), script by Garth Ennis, pencils and inks by John McCrea
Note: I am not allowed to read this comic book so it must have been Andrew who posted this. Who else knows more about British music of the 1970s?

365 Days of Star Wars Comics, Day 341: Don't mention Skywalker. I mentioned him once but I think I got away with it.

Panels from Star Wars: Vader's Quest #1 (February 1999); script by Darko Macan; pencils, inks, and letters by Dave Gibbons; colors by Angus McKie

A moment of condor

Howdy, folks!  This is your special guest host Andrew Otis Weiss, here to disprove my fun-hating reputation by taking a look at another funnybook character I truly and sincerely love.

This particular fella comes from the dawn of the Golden Age of Superheroes, back when "a dude who can fly" was a bankable concept in and of itself.   If you had that angle locked down, you really didn't need extraneous clutter...

...which in the Black Condor's case included "pants" and "a shirt."

Condor's minimalist choice of fighting togs can be traced back to the character's origins as an avian-themed riff on Tarzan's pulp adventures.   After his archaeologist parents were slain by bandits, the infant mystery-man-to-be was taken in and raised by a colony of "intelligent" condors.  

There the young man learned the language, mysteries, and (presumably) carrion-munching ways of his feathered foster brethren.   Getting the hang of flying was a little bit trickier...

...but nothing that a few panels and some heavy suspension of disbelief couldn't solve.

 Once that was sorted, it only took a little anti-bandit payback, an encounter with a kindly monk, and the assumption of a dead senator's identity to get him back to America and battling Ratzis and gangsters on a monthly basis.

Since those heady logic-optional times, Black Condor has undergone multiple minor retcons and spun off a pair of legacy characters -- all adding additional baggage and superfluous explanations to what was a delightfully uncomplicated concept.

I first encountered the character during the "Crisis on Earth-X" arc in All-Star Squadron, where Roy Thomas and Rick Hoberg attempted to flesh-out the backstory of the Quality Comics alt-corner of DC's multiverse (while offing the Red Bee in the process).  I've since read through Condor's Eisner/Fine-helmed adventures in Crack Comics, which are pretty amazing -- like so many early Golden Age superhero features -- for witnessing the foundations of the genre get hashed out in real-time.

Honestly, though, no story the Black Condor has appeared in can match the Jerry Ordway illustration of that Who's Who entry above.  It perfectly captures the square-jawed, high concept essence of the character in all his elegant pulp-inflected simplicity...

...even with the garish, off-register "Flexographic" printing muddling up Ordway's stellar artwork.  

365 Days of Star Wars Comics, Day 340: The Man with the Sunn-Childe in His Eyes

Panels from "The Dreams of Cody Sunn-Childe!" in Star Wars (1977 Marvel series) #46 (April 1981), script by "Wally Lombego", pencils by Carmine Infantino, inks by Tom Palmer, colors by Glynis Wein, letters by Diana Albers
Wally Lombego? Who he? Well, that's a pen name of prolific comics creator J.M. DeMatteis. And you can find the story of how Lucasfilm made him get all Alan Smitheesque, over at his blog here!