Archie's Generic Celebrities Month, Day 24: Not Actually Archie

Panels from "The Big Mystery!" in Archie and Friends Double Digest #26 (May 2013), script by George Gladir, pencils by Henry Scarpelli, inks by Jon D'Agostino

Archie's Generic Celebrities Month, Day 23: Not Actually Any of These Companies Which Probably Have Pretty Good Copyright Lawyers

Panel from "Spellbound" in World of Archie Double Digest #36 (March 2014), script by George Gladir, pencils by Tim Kennedy, inks by Ken Selig, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida





Panel from "Mystery of the Ages" in B&V Friends Double Digest #229 (November 2012), script by Mike Pellowski, pencils by Jeff Shultz, inks by Al Milgrom, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida





Archie Sunday comic (original date unknown), reprinted in Betty and Veronica Double Digest #201 (July 2012), script by Craig Boldman, pencils and inks by Henry Scarpelli





Panel from "My Dad...the Supermodel!" in Betty & Veronica Double Digest #204 (October 2012), script and pencils by Dan Parent, inks by Jim Amash, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida





Panel from a Betty and Veronica story that I forgot to label my scans with the name





Panel from "Online & Out of Line" in Betty and Veronica Spectacular #45 (January 2001), script and pencils by Dan Parent, inks by Jon D'Agostino, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida





Panels from "Online & Out of Line" in Betty and Veronica Spectacular #45 (January 2001), script and pencils by Dan Parent, inks by Jon D'Agostino, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida





Panel from "The Great All-American Pembrooke-Riverdale Food Eating Contest! Munchie Mania! Part 1" in Archie at Riverdale High #97 (June 1984), script by Rich Margopoulos, pencils by Stan Goldberg





Panel from the Josie and the Pussycats story "A Singular Idea" in Tales from Riverdale Digest #26 (March 2008), script by Bill Golliher, pencils by Rex Lindsey, inks by Rich Koslowski, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida

So remember, shop at all these famous generic Riverdale businesses! Don't forget to bring your MustardCard or your American Excess!

Today in Comics History: Man steps on newspaper; ensuing temporal paradox causes "Cathy" to be cancelled

Panels from "Double Deal in Dallas!" in 1963 #3 [Tales of the Uncanny] (June 1993), script by Alan Moore, pencils by Rick Veitch, inks and letters by Don Simpson, colors by Marvin Kilroy

Archie's Generic Celebrities Month, Day 22: Not Actually Josie and the Pussycats

Panel from the Josie and the Pussycats story "I'm Going to Josieland, Part 2", from Archie & Friends #51 (December 2001), script by Dan Parent, pencils by Stan Goldberg, inks by Bob Smith, coloring by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida

Today in Comics History: Happy birthday, Terry Gilliam!

Panel from Comics: Monty Python one-shot (April 2014), script by Chris Canibano, pencils and colors by Juan Luis Rincón, letters by Gary Scott Beatty

Archie's Generic Celebrities Month, Day 21: Not Actually the Powerpuff Girls

Panels from "Puff Piece" in Archie & Friends Double Digest #26 (May 2013), script by George Gladir, pencils by Al Bigley, inks by Bob Smith, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida

Archie's Generic Celebrities Month, Day 20: Not Actually Johnny Depp Again, Nor Is It Lindsay Lohan

Hey look, a different Johnny Depp expy than before!


Panel from "Teen Paparazzi" in Archie & Friends #116 (April 2008), script by George Gladir, pencils by Fernando Ruiz, inks and letters by Jon D'Agostino, colors by Barry Grossman
Also shown but not identified...well, let's call him Lemuel J. Sackson, who is being considered for the lead in the new Jughead action flick. "I want more monkey-flicking anchovies on my Monday-to-Friday pizza!"


GEEZ TUCK YOUR SHIRT IN JOHNNIE

Archie's Generic Celebrities Month, Day 19: Not Actually Claudia Schiffer or David Copperfield

Panel from Cheryl Blossom (1997 series) #4 (August 1997), script and pencils by Dan Parent, inks by Jon D'Agostino, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida

Today in Comics History: Superman uses his great powers for profiting on eBay

Panels from "Autograph, Please!" in Superman #48 (September-October 1947), script by Jerry Siegel, pencils and inks by John Sikela

Today in Comics History: Journalist dreams of naming a newspaper after her secret identity

Splash page from the Lady Danger story "The Dead Man's Chest" in Sensation Comics #85 (January 1949), script by Robert Kanigher, pencils by Bob Oksner, inks by Bernard Sachs
Also in this exciting story: the debut appearance of one of comics' most beloved characters!


Luckily, he took that exact advice, which enable him to become a major star in the comic book and movie world:


Panel from Guardians of the Galaxy (2013 series) #3 (August 2013); script by Brian Michael Bendis; pencils by Steve McNiven and Sara Pichelli; inks by John Dell, Steve McNiven, and Sara Pichelli; colors by Justin Ponsor, letters by Cory Petit

Archie's Generic Celebrities Month, Day 18: Not Actually Fin Fang Foom

THIS IS NOT FIN FANG FOOM:


Panel from the Sabrina story "Woman's Work," reprinted in Betty and Veronica Double Digest #201 (July 2012), script by Michael Gallagher, pencils by Dan DeCarlo, inks by Jim DeCarlo, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida

THIS IS FIN FANG FOOM.
Splash page from "Fin Fang Foom!" in Strange Tales #89 (October 1961), pencils by Jack Kirby, inks by Dick Ayers, colors by Stan Goldberg, letters by Artie Simek
Know the difference: Fin Fang Foom is a giant monster in color-matching underpants.

ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES.


Panels from Marvel Monsters: Fin Fang 4 one-shot (December 2005), script by Scott Gray, pencils and inks by Roger Langridge, colors by J. Brown, letters by Dave Lanphear

Archie's Generic Celebrities Month, Day 17: Not Actually Regis and Kathie Lee

If there's one person I think we can agree has the potential to be more grating that Cheryl Blossom, it's former TV cohost Kathie Lee Gifford! So, here's a generic version of her.


Panels from "Cheryl in the Morning" in Cheryl Blossom (1997 series) #5 (September 1997), script and pencils by Dan Parent, inks by Jon D'Agostino, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida
Oh, and Earth-Archie's version of Kathie Lee also has a sordid business secret As Veronica Lodge might say, especially in that issue in which she went to Paris: "Quelle surprise!"


I bet the real-life Regis would have given up all his Who Wants to be a Millionaire royalties to be able to dump Kathie Lee on the air. Instead, Regis, enjoy and savor this generic equivalent!


I think you, as a student and scholar of Archie Comics cause and effect, know what's gonna happen next.


Special bonus Generic Celebrity: Not Actually Jenny McCarthy!


Special extra-bonus Generic Celebrity: Not Actually Martha Stewart!


And if you can't get enough of Cheryl Blossom vs. Not Actually Martha Stewart, tune in again on Thanksgiving!

Any last words, Cindy Lee?

Archie's Generic Celebrities Month, Day 16: Not Actually Star Trek

Veronica's cousin Marcy is an enthusiastic fangirl. I am sure there are entire threads on internet discussion boards devoted to Marcy not being a "true" fan and how her admiration for a TV show that ultimately teaches tolerance and understanding is a feminist attack on the genre.


Panel from "Space Case" in Veronica #137 (May 2003), script and pencils by Dan Parent, inks by Jon D'Agostino, colors by Barry Grossman, letters by Bill Yoshida
I picked this story because it was actually used, virtually verbatim, as a quest storyline in the Archie Riverdale Rescue iOS sim game for the iPhone and iPad, which I've been playing for the past couple months.


I highly recommend it — you can finally give Jughead a girlfriend! — but it's too bad there's no way to credit the creators whose comic book work has been mined for the game. To be fair, when an Archie character is unlocked in the game, you can also access the story in which he/she first appeared — but there's no creator credits.

Also, this story also contains TOGA CHEWBACCA, the one Star Wars action figure variant I've been waiting for all my life.