In which Bully finds that having is not so pleasing a thing after all as wanting.

Doomsday Clock? The unauthorized sequel to Watchmen? Don't make me laugh. To get me to buy that, you'd have to put my favorite thing in the world on the cover and...


Cover of Doomsday Clock #4 (May 2018), art by Gary Frank
..oh, well played, DC.

Today in Comics History: Pancakes are prepared pantlessly

Panel from D.P. 7 #32 (June 1989), script by Mark Gruenwald, pencils by Paul Ryan, inks by Danny Bulanadi, colors by Paul Becton, letters by Janice Chiang

A Month of... Pancakes! Day 32: That's all, forks

I know what you're all wondering: Are there any more pancakes left?


Panels from FF (2013 series) #6 (June 2013); script by Matt Fraction, pencils and inks by Joe Quinones, colors by Laura Allred, letters by Clayton Cowles
No. There are no more pancakes left. Sorry.

Ten of a Kind: A stack of ten pancakes

(See also. And there's even more Ten of a Kind here.)

A Month of... Pancakes! Day 31: The Ultimate Recipe...in the hands of a human!

If you have a good memory and haven't dulled your senses this month by eating too many pancakes (as if that was a thing!), you might remember back on Day 5 I promised you yet another recipe for Humanity's Greatest Cuisine aside from Jubilee's open-the-box instructions back then.

And it's the big one, folks. Don't ever say that Comics Oughta Be Fun! never treated you to the Greatest Secret of the Marvel Universe:


Pin-up page from Untold Tales of Spider-Man [Annual] '96 one-shot (December 1996); script by Kurt Busiek, pencils by Pat Olliffe, inks by Pam Eklund, colors by Steve Mattsson, letters by Richard Starkings (?)
Now that I have trusted this Secret of the Elders to you, it is your task to make wheatcakes. And mail me one.

(Here's another wheatcake recipe, preferred by silent film star Charlie Chaplin!)

Next month (er, tomorrow)...something else!

A Month of... Pancakes! Day 30: May's wheatcakes bring all the boys to the yard

Can you believe it's almost the very end of A Month of Pancakes and we haven't even included Aunt May Parker's fantabulous wheatcakes? Well, let's make up for that with a steaming hot plate of fresh wheaty panels from the pages of Spider-Man and other comics. Here at last: the secret origin of WHEATCAKES! Also: lemony old Aunt May and squinty, double-chinned Uncle Ben, who's not long for this world. But not because of WHEATCAKES!


Panel from "Spider-Man!" in Amazing Fantasy #15 (September 1962); script by Stan Lee, pencils and inks by Steve Ditko, colors by Stan Goldberg, letters by Artie Simek

A Month of... Pancakes! Day 29: Aw Yeah Pancakes!

Let us now return to the colorful, wonderful world of Art Baltazar and Franco, the only guys who are more obsessed with pancakes that I am. Uh oh! looks like Evil Cat is once again up to no good! (Boo! Hiss!)


Panels from Aw Yeah Comics! #1 (April 2013); script by Art Baltazar and Franco; pencils, inks, colors, and letters by Art Baltazar
Turns out that the Chef, much like Pete Townshend, lets his love open the door won't get fooled again, vis-a-vis the pancake front. I fully support his caution and he should be asking for a nonreturnable deposit of at least 10% on this fabulous flapjack. Also: it is to be commended that this pancake diner would definitely cater gay weddings, altho' they should maybe stop serving the evil community.


Anyway, enter one giant sentient life-activated giant pancake. The Sensational Character Find of IHOP!


Is this the end for Action Cat and Adventure Bug? Will they be grossly griddled out of existence by this horrible hotcake? Could the criminal cake spell the end for our anthropomorphic action heroes? Tune in, same Aw Yeah Time, same Aw Yeah...oh wait, the pancake has other life plans in mind. Dance, pancake, dance!


All's well that ends well, pancakely speaking, and yes indeed, justice is served! Also served: the bill.

A Month of... Pancakes! Day 28: Pancake Heartbreak

Uh oh! Somebody put Archie Andrews in a hot wash an' shrunk 'im!


Panel from "Flapjack Fling" Little Archie Giant Comics #6 (Spring 1958); script, pencils, inks, and letters by Bob Bolling
I consider the Bob Bolling Little Archies masterpieces of kids' comics, right up there alongside John Stanley's Little Lulu, Barks's Uncle Scrooge and Donald Duck, Fred Toole and Al Wiseman's Dennis the Menace, Sheldon Meyers's Sugar and Spike, and Walt Kelly's Pogo Possum. Witty, charming, and beautifully drawn, it deserves a big hardcover boxed set of several volumes collecting the complete Bob Bolling. How about it, Archie Comics? If you don't wanna, why not license the books to Fantagraphics? What, are ya scared? Nyah nyah nyah nyah!

Ahem. Little Archie makes pancakes.


Archie Andrews: Men's Rights Activist. Of course, antics ensue, mostly because that's what antics do.


Enter: Mom Andrews! It's "antics" like this that made her say to Fred: "Only one child!" In fact, pretty much everybody in Riverdale except the Joneses thought the same.


Man, I love that fourth panel above, with Betty and Veronica skipping down the stairs. Anyway, sitcom catastrophe is now set up, and the pay-off is coming in for a landing in five...four...three...


No harm done, then! Also, judging from his initial reaction, I think that French guy wants to have a menage a trois with Fred and Mary Andrews. But that's a whole 'nother comic book. Probably Pep. Anyway, all's well that ends well, and Archie has learned a valuable lesson, which was the whole point — hasn't he?


Pancakes!

A Month of... Pancakes! Day 27: Trading Pancakes

Panels from "Twisted Toyfare Theatre: Up and Adamantium" in Toyfare #106 (June 2006
Yes, Twisted Toyfare Theatre: the fumetti strip that couldn't figure out how to end a sequential gag on the final panel of the page.

A Month of... Pancakes! Day 26: Pancakes, Pork and Cheesecake

On the very first day of this fine flapjack feature, Pancake Pal Erich grilled griddled me the request

I hope you'll include the Golden Age Phantom Lady #14. ("Juss what liddle Porky needs...flapjacks!")

I hadn't read that before, Erich, and it's a hoot! And in addition to its owl-esque properties, it's also the subject of today's post! In thankfulness, Erich, please consider yourself the worthy recipient of a light and fluffy, golden-brown No-Bull Prize! (With Syrup!)

Say, what's that about this Porky fella anyway?


Panels from "A Shroud for the Bride!" in Phantom Lady #14 (October 1947); script by Ruth Roche (?), pencils and inks by Matt Baker
I hereby propose that Porky Mead is the Sensational Comics Find of 1947, and that his catchphrase, a tipisly slurred "Juss what liddle Porky needs...flapjacks!" should be the advertising motto of Bisquick. Remember in those heady, boom-town post-War days when all the kids were saying it? Remember how many laughs Fred Allen got on his show when it became a running gag? Remember Bogart using it as his dying words in the motion picture The Treasure of the Sierra Madre House of Pancakes (Warner Bros, 1948)? Sure, we all do!

As you might have guessed, Porky not only got his pancakes, he picked up a date to the ball that night. Rosie the waitress was her name, and it's nice to see a very early role by Nancy Walker. (Seriously, ladies, don't accept dates from strangers unless you're in a fairy tale and wearing glass slippers.) Trouble is: that night at the ball, Rosie winds up...smothered in syrup murdered! There will now be a slight pause while we all mentally hum and suspenseful chord to ourselves. (Da da DAAAAAAH!)

Of course, since this here comic book is the property of Phantom Lady, retroactively canonical cousin of Ted "Starman"/"Meanwhile, Back at Justice League Headquarters" Knight, even though they started out at completely different competing comic book companies. All together now: Thanks, Roy Thomas! P.L. shines her headlights on crime by tracking down and apprehending Rosie's murderer by trying shoes on random debutantes. Hey, maybe it is a fairy tale! But honestly, I don't think that's entirely the full focus of the story itself. We now present, without comment (because i'm too young to look at 'em) assorted and completely random panels from the rest of the story. Say, Doctor Wertham!









Phantom Lady! She don't need no steenkin' Comics Code!

---

Down the Internet Wormhole Dept.: One thing I did not expect to find when I was researching some of the tangent jokes in this post (sometimes termed "looking for Wonder Woman on a Jet Ski") is that Nancy Walker did a concept album entitled I Hate Men.



"That's offensive to men!" declares a great wailing of Internet Bros.

A Month of... Pancakes! Day 25: We have met the enemy and he is pancakes

Inside back-cover gag strip from Pogo Possum #4 (February-April 1951); script, pencils, and inks by Walt Kelly

A Month of... Pancakes! Day 24: God, it looks like Mon-El, must be the Kryptonite in my eyes

Pal-in-blogging Mike Sterling, the man so nice they named him after a great comic book shop, pointed my fuzzy and be-ringéd nose in the direction of a post he made years ago featuring Superboy and his hetero lifemate Mon-El eating lotsa pancakes (thus showing that Mike is way ahead of us all on the flapjack curve). Here's my salute and homage to that classic post. Thanks, Mike!


Panels from "Vengeance of the Super-Villains" in Superboy [starring the Legion of Super-Heroes] (1949 series) #208 (April 1975); script by Cary Bates, pencils and inks by Mike Grell, letters by Ben Oda
Well, isn't that nice of Ma and Pa Kent? They sure take care of their boy...and his pal from one thousand years in the future who only knows pancakes in pill form. Yes, Pa and Ma Kent are the best parents ever who found a baby on the side of the road and took it home and claimed it as their own.


OH THAT'S NOT GOOD. Don't you know, Pa, that statistics say if you have a futuristic sci-fi raygun in the home, you're 93% more likely to use it against a super member of your own family?


The explanation, Superboy? Cary Bates is the explanation.