Thanksgiving Party Hints from the Scarlet Witch

She's may be just an ordinary housewife/mutant manipulator of reality and time/space, but Wanda Maximoff has got it goin' on. Why, back in the days before she was divorced from her robot husband who went on to have a murderous but critically acclaimed second family, Wanda was the consummate homemaker! In fact, she's made several homes completely from stray atoms of the universe around her! So when she throws a party, she really throws a party! Here's just a few of her handy household hints that'll ensure you a happy Thanksgiving party, and you won't even need to have your origin retconned into an Inhuman! Take it away, Wanda!

1. Make sure you invite all your friends! To put them at ease, remind they don't have to dress up special — just wear everyday clothing! (Geez, Namor, if you're too hot, just let me know and I'll turn down the thermostat!)


Panel from Vision and the Scarle Witch (1985 series) #6 (March 1986), script by Steve Englehart, pencils by Richard Howell, inks by Frank Springer, colors by Adam Phillips, letters by Rick Parker and Bill Oakley
2. There will be some guests who it might be difficult to invite! Swallow your pride and ask your dad to come over, even if he disapproves of your husband, has vowed to destroy the entire human race, or if he voted for Trump.


3. For those who came in late, recount everyone's origin! Note: This hint does not apply to the Summers Family Thanksgiving when Cable arrives, or else you'll be there through November 30.


4. Pig out! And don't let Crystal do that thing where she changes the cranberry jelly into cranberry sauce. That's just plain screwed up.


5. If all else fails, reset the universe.

More Cow/Bull Month, Day 2: The Nanny Dairies

Panel from Vision and the Scarlet Witch #4 (February 1983), script by Bill Mantlo, pencils by Rick Leonardi, inks by Ian Akin and Brian Garvey, colors by George Roussos, letters by Janice Chiang

Zuvembie Apocalypse!

Hey Vizh! What recent trend in alternate universes and variant covers are you really sick and tired of?

Panel from Vision and the Scarlet Witch v.2 #1 (October 1985), script by Steve Englehart, pencils by Richard Howell, inks by Andy Mushynsky, colors by Janet Jackson and A. Philips, letters by L. Lois Buhalis



Special bonus: The Vision in a turtleneck!


Splash page portion from Avengers #92 (September 1971), script by Roy Thomas, pencils by Sal Buscema, inks by George Roussos, letters by Sam Rosen



Hey, that turtleneck looks a little tight on Vision's Ultron-sculpted bod. How do you suppose he can squeeze in and out of clothes that snug, huh?



And now you know why it's fun to go to the mall with the Vision:
he hardly takes any time to try on clothes.

(See also: The Vision in a Sweater!)


Special extra chess nerd bonus: take a look at Vision's chess problem. Why, that is an unusual variant of the English Opening...seeing as the English Opening is 1.c4 and the Vision's board actually shows 1.f4! I'm just nitpicking, but I can't see how the usual piece of the English Opening, the king's bishop's pawn, can have already been captured from the placement of the pieces. But, ya know...comic book chess. And I welcome someone with more chess knowledge than me correcting me!

Well, if he's going to learn an unusual opening, he's got the right book: chess grandmaster Leonid Stein was renowned as the "Master of Attack". Sadly, he would die in 1973, two years after the publication of Avengers #92, at the young age of 38. I dearly hope that before he passed, the Vision got a chance to meet and play a friendly game or two against Stein. I think Stein would have enjoyed pitting himself against an artificial man. After all, in chess...even an android can ply.

365 Days with Hank McCoy, Day 155

Panel from Ms. Marvel v.1 #16 (April 1978), script by Chris Claremont, pencils by Jim Mooney, inks by Frank Springer, colors by Janice Cohen, letters by Rick Parker

Sartorial Splendor of a Synthezoid (or, "Even an Android Can Buy...His Clothing from T. J. Maxx!")

Ladeez and gennlemen...I give you...

The Vision in a Sweater!

Panels from West Coast Avengers Annual #1 (1986), script by Steve Englehart, co-plot and pencils by Mark Bright, inks by Geoff Isherwood, colors by Petra Scotese, letters by Tom Orzechowski

Other interesting tidbits in this panel: Wonder Man proving, yes, indeed, he can have a costume worse than the one in Avengers #9, an early appearance by Crazy Wanda's fictional babies (later members of the Young Avengers), the fact that Wonder Man was present at the birth of Wanda's babies (hey, clear the delivery room, Simon!), not to mention Wonder Man politely assuming that Vizh and ScarWi have something better to do than to "crush the Avengers." (Also, looks like they have the same painting over their couch as The Simpsons.)

Still, don't let those bizarre points distract you from the weirdness and wackiness of...

The Vision in a Sweater!

Also, we learn that the Vision apparently likes Wands to cosplay as Hermione Grainger. Still...

The Vision in a Sweater!

One more look at...
The Vision in a Sweater!



Special Bonus:

The Vision in a Bathrobe!

Additional Special Bonus:

The Greatest Sound Effect of the Eighties!

The Unsettling Slang of Mister Clint Barton, Part 8

Hey, we haven't done one of these in a while, have we? No, we haven't. So let's check in with the fearlessly frantic archer of adventure, Mister Oliver Qu Clint Barton, the high-flyin' Hawkeye! He's an Avengers extreme and the superhero voted Most Likely To Shoot You In The Butt With An Arrow three times running (losing in '79 narrowly to Beast during his Robin Hood phase). Not content with mastering the fine art of toxophilousity, Mister Hawkeye is also best known for shooting off his big mouth. Even during a tender scene with Wanda "No, I would never rewrite the world in my father's image and reduce the world mutant population to fewer than 200, why do you ask?" Maximoff, Clint's likely to spoil a sentimental moment with a discussion of religion:


Panels from Avengers #181 (March 1979), written by David Michelinie, pencils by John Byrne, inks by Dan Green, colors by Françoise Mouly (yes, that Françoise Mouly), lettering by Elaine Heinl
(Click to embiggen. Or, direct your tender eyes below:)


Whoa, that's a conundrum for the ages, Hawkeye. Maybe you should consult with one of the Avengers who knows a little more about religion, like, say, Thor. But in truth, take a poll of most ursines and I think you'll find very, very few are Roman Catholic...


Well. Whaddaya know! Like the proverbial stopped clock, Hawkeye's right at least twice a day. Ain't that the truth, Mister Barton?

In today's Avengers, the role of Quicksilver will be played by Tom Cruise

I'm off for a few days to the sunny, wide-open Pacific Northwest, where the grass is green, the seafood is succulent and where I'm not bringing my laptop, so no updates until Saturday, Bully backers. I'll see ya on that day with the usual "Saturday Morning Cartoon" and "Separated at Birth" (guaranteed 100% Iron Man-free!)

In the meantime, why not relax, kick up your heels, slap some chillin' Miles Davis on the reel-to-reel, rap with a member of your family, and curl up with a good book, just like cool cat Pietro Maximoff here:

Panel from Avengers #99 (May 1972), written by Roy Thomas, art by Barry (Windsor-)Smith and Tom Sutton.

Wait a minute...what the heck book is Pietro reading, anyway? Let's zoom in through the magic of Marvel Essential-vision:


Hoo boy. You know...that explains a lot.

See you on Saturday! be good to yourselves and others.

EDIT: Quicksilver Kevin Church beat me to it many, many months ago. I actually commented three times on his post and don't remember a thing. I plead swiss cheese memory. I also blame society. I will now take his original color panel and alter the shades and tones of it, infuriating him until he tosses his whisky bottle at me. Tee hee.

The Unsettling Slang of Mister Clint Barton, Part Four

Both panels in this post are from Avengers #102 (August 1973), script by Roy Thomas, art by Rich Buckler and Joe Sinnott

Bonus "Sometimes you can teach an old archer a new trick" panel!:

Who's your daddy? Oh, wait....

Scene: Magneto has captured the Avengers! (And the X-Men too, but that's just another Tuesday for them.) And as the curtain goes up on the splash page of Avengers #111, Magneto holds Earth's Mightiest Heroes (and the Strangest Teens of All) captive and hyp-mo-tized to do his evil bidding, as explained in some page two expositionisming about how iron particles that flow through the blood in the brain can be chemically altered by his magnetic powers to...oh, go along with it or the whole story falls to pieces, okay?

So what's the first thing Earth's premiere mutant terrorist does with his newfound thralls? Uses them to take over the government? Forcibly enact a pro-mutant agenda across the globe? Help him replace all those Betamax tapes he accidently magnetically erased? No. He does not do that. Instead, he forces the Scarlet Witch to go-go dance for him.


Splash page from Avengers #111, May 1973, script by Steve Englehart,
art by Don Heck and Mike Esposito

Except...um..

Oh, ick. That's your daughter, Magneto.

To be fair to ol' helmet-hair, he didn't know that at the time. Neither did she. Even Snazzy Steve Englehart didn't know. Actually it wasn't until six years later, in X-Men #125 (1979), that we all started to put the pieces together of why Quicksilver's funky hair looked so familiar (although it would take until 1983, another four years, until Vision and the Scarlet Witch #4, for a proper Magnetic Family Reunion).

Still. Ick. You gotta know Marvel was hoping no one would remember that panel ten years later. As Joey the Q likes to say: "Read that again, knowing what you now know about Wanda." Aiyyyyiii! No thank you!

I hereby summon the power of Magneto's blood-brain warping thingee magno-powers to wipe it all out of our memories! (Please?)