365 Days of Defiance, Day 184: Bob Dylan never knew it would be this easy

Last issue, we saw Peter Parker dramatically declare "BITE ME, WORLD!":


Panels from Amazing Spider-Man (1963 series) #70 (March 1969); plot and layouts by John Romita, Sr.; script by Stan Lee; finishes by Jim Mooney; letters by Sam Rosen
Well, we all know that sooner or later Peter will return to his senses and become the Humble Spider-Man, protector of everybody else and all-around, not-at-all self-centered good guy, but just how long with this startling plot twist last? twelve issues? Two issues?

How about until the next page?


And for those of you who tuned in because this feature is called "365 Days of Defiance," let's check in with the student protest subplot.


Huh. That...that was easy. Well, I guess it proves that tensions between the races and you ng and old can be solved if you just sit down and rap. First issue of the day, I think: Hey Robbie where'd ya get that green suit?!?

So all's well that ends well, except for Mr. Parkewr, as usual. Because he didn't take part in the student protest (because, let's face it, he already has a cool pad he shares with Harry Osborn and his Fantastic Fu-Manchu Mustache and Drug Addiction), Gwen Stacy, queen of our hearts, slams Pete for ducking out. Frankly, this relationship could stand a little more open communication, because Peter could open up, express his concerns, pay attention to the sensational Ms. Stacy instead of being lost in his own thoughts, possibly even trust her enough to open up and ask her why she's cosplaying Disney's Pocahontas.


Later, Spider-Man kills J. Jonah Jameson, so that's something.


Tomorrow! Something different, and definitely not Amazing Spider-Man #71.

366 Days with J. Jonah Jameson, Day 360: There's No Place Like Jonah's for the Holidays

Previously on Spider-Man's Tangled Web: On Christmas Eve, Peter Parker (secretly the Amazing Spid...oh, you know that part)...has rescued a passel of Japanese schoolkids, but then, having to rush out into the night, as he does (whatever a spider can), he leaves the kids behind with Betty Brant in the Daily Bugle office. Meanwhile, a big-ass Christmas snowstorm is a-blowin' into New York City. S'alright? S'alright. And now...


Panels from Spider-Man's Tangled Web #21 (February 2003), script and inks by Darwyn Cooke, pencils by Jay Bone, colors by Matt Hollingsworth, letters by Paul Tutrone
Jonah + Kids = trouble, right here in New York City, which begins with "N" and that rhymes with "bullpen" and that stands for...well, it rhymes with "newspapermen," but I'm not certain how to finish the song from there. Needless to say, there's both trouble and cuteness ahoy! Crouble? No, tuteness.


The Bumper Book of Humor Writing that I got today under the Christmas tree (thanks Santa!) tells me that one of the first rules of laughs is opposites are funny! So, pair a rusty, grizzly, grumpy old Jonah with cute adorable tiny tots and what do you get? That's comedy, my friends! Also: Pissed-Off Betty Brant™, which is one of the all-time greatest action figure variants.


Jonah tells the kids a story. Guess who's the hero in this one?! It's our old pal and star of many Marvel Comic books, the Amazing Spider-Slayer!. Except I imagine even JJJ censored the name of that particular character in his tale. I'm guessing we're looking at the Adventures of J. Jonah Jameson, The Sensational Spider-Hugger!


Meanwhile, Spider-Man and the Inhuman named Medusa (the hero who could never be an important part of a sensible Marvel Universe) are battling it out in the Toy Department at Macy's, no doubt wrecking Santaland and frightening Crumpet the Elf into a much more sedate essay-writing career. JJJ gets the kids into their cute li'l coats 'n' mittens to take 'em to Macy's to watch Spidey getting his butt beat (by a girl with sentient hair, at that!). It's events like that which drove the crowds to Macy's and ran Gimbel's out of business. You're a business menace, Peter Parker!


Tonight's very pecial Christmas Eve Guest Stars, singing "All I Want For Christmas Is Groo...t": the Fantastic Four Three! Well, it's entirely possible Sue Storm is already there but invisible, though I doubt that: J. Bone and Darwyn Cooke would not pass up a chance to draw the curviest of the FF! (If you don't count H.E.R.B.I.E.)


Turns out Macy's Santa is really the Puppet Master and making Medusa and Spidey yadda yadda yadda, and it's a Christmas Fulla Crying Tots, just like the ones we used to know!


Then, in an action-packed summary-stuffed double-page spread, they all head over to Jonah and Marla's apartment for a Christmas party, and Jonah gives Peter the very finest Christmas bonus of all the ones we've seen so far: he's bused in Aunt May and Mary Jane all the way from Queens. It wasn't an express bus and they had to wait for twenty minutes to catch a transfer in Roosevelt Island, but they're here.

(Click picture to Christmas dinner second-helping-size)
And a very happy holiday was had by all at the Christmas party by everyone except Betty Brant, who was rescued by...let's say...Willie Lumpkin.


Happy holidays to all! (And we miss you, Darwyn!)

366 Days with J. Jonah Jameson, Day 353: It's true, where ever you find love / It smells like Christmas

Remember when J. Jonah Jameson used to give out crumpled, well-used ten dollar bills as a Christmas present? Could his bonuses get any better than that?

Well, no.


Panel from Amazing Spider-Man Annual (1964 series) #10 (1976), co-plot by Len Wein, co-plot and script by Bill Mantlo, pencils by Gil Kane, inks by Frank Giacoia and Mike Esposito, colors by Petra Goldberg, letters by John Costanza
Special holiday bonus!: using brand-new HTML-6, I have actually programmed scratch-and-sniff technology into this very blogpost! Simply scratch the image and smell the mouth-watering scent of cheap cigars!

Ah ha! Made ya do it!

366 Days with J. Jonah Jameson, Day 350: Hey, look! There's a fiver.

Please take note of how much J. Jonah Grincheson gives out for Christmas bonuses: a whoppin' half-a-sawbuck. Don't forget this: there will be a test over the next few days!


Panels from Marvel Team-Up #106 (June 1981), script by Tom DeFalco, pencils by Herb Trimpe, inks by Mike Esposito, colors by Carl Gafford, letters by Diana Albers

366 Days with J. Jonah Jameson, Day 342: This Is Fine

Panels from The Spectacular Spider-Man (1976 series) #174 (March 1991), plot by Gerry Conway, script by David Michelinie and Terry Kavanagh, pencils and inks by Sal Buscema, colors by Joe Rosas, letters by Rick Parker

366 Days with J. Jonah Jameson, Day 339: Fresh as today's headlines

Oh no! That scion of journalism, J. Jonah Jameson, has been taken in by the law-and-order (dun dun!) lies of conservative candidate Sam Bullit, the only people's choice endorsed by the Punisher simply because of his name. Naturally, Robbie Robertson reminds him that the "good ol' days" were quite so good for everyone. In other words, that shill vowing to "make American great again" may be playing on your worst instincts, Jonah!


Panels from Amazing Spider-Man (1963 series) #91 (December 1970), script by Stan Lee, pencils by Gil Kane, inks by John Romita, Sr.
Luckily, by the next issue, Jonah has had a journalist's epiphany (and has gotten his back up over Bullit's heavy-handed tactics), leading him back onto the team of good guys! As I occasionally say in the labels, J. Jonah Jameson is Sometimes a Decent Man.


Panels from Amazing Spider-Man (1963 series) #92 (January 1971), script by Stan Lee, pencils by Gil Kane, inks by John Romita, Sr., background inks by Tony Mortellaro, letters by Artie Simek
Lunatic hate groups! That's what Bullit meant by "law and order." Also, he's a stinkin' bigot and racist. I'm pretty sure his candidacy was endorsed by The Sons of the Serpent! Boo! Hiss!


And Jonah doesn't even need Spider-Man to crash through the window and punch Bullit in the face. You go, girl Jonah!


And that, kiddies, is how Franklin "Foggy" Nelson became our newest and greatest President of Manhattan.

This parable for our modern times has been brought to you by Stan Lee, The Amazing Spider-Man comic book, and the shame lots of journalism ought to be feeling right about now.

366 Days with J. Jonah Jameson, Day 336: Robbie finally figures out JJJ is the Vulture

Panels from Peter Parker: Spider-Man (199 series) #23 (November 2000), script by Paul Jenkins, pencils by Mark Buckingham, inks by Dan Green and Rodney Ramos, colors by Joe Rosas, letters by Troy Peteri

366 Days with J. Jonah Jameson, Day 331: The first rule of journalism: Ignore Jonah

Panels from Peter Parker: Spider Man (1999 series) #4 (April 1999), script by Howard Mackie, pencils by Bart Sears, inks by Scott Hanna, colors by Mark Bernardo, letters by Liz Agraphiotis

366 Days with J. Jonah Jameson, Day 320: Presenting the inconsistently colored fingers of Nova, the Human Rocket!

Panels from Nova (1999 series) #3 (July 1999), script by Erik Larsen, pencils by Joe Bennett, inks by Armando Durruthy, colors by Steve Oliff, letters by Chris Eliopoulos

366 Days with J. Jonah Jameson, Day 315: A Modern Parable

Panels from "The Day of Doom" in Spidey Super Stories #9 (June 1975), script by Jean Thomas, pencils by Win Mortimer, inks by Mike Esposito and Tony Mortellaro, letters by Artie Simek
So who was the scorpion and who was the frog after all?

The Belle Stars, "The Snake" (1983)

366 Days with J. Jonah Jameson, Day 312: The Amazing Vote-Man: the hero that could be...you!

Don't let the press convince you not to vote! It's still important to get out there tomorrow!


Panels from Captain America (1968 series) #250 (October 1980); script by Roger Stern with ideas by Don Perlin, Roger McKenzie, and Jim Shooter; breakdowns by John Byrne; finishes by Joe Rubinstein; colors by George Roussos; letters by Jim Novak

366 Days with J. Jonah Jameson, Day 303: It's a rich man's game no matter what they call it / And you spend your life puttin' money in his wallet

Panels from Amazing Spider-Man (1963 series) #158 (July 1976), script by Len Wein, breakdowns by Ross Andru, figure finishes by Mike Esposito, background finishes by Dave Hunt, colors by Glynis Wein, letters by John Constanza

366 Days with J. Jonah Jameson, Day 301: Duh duh DUH!

Panels from Marvel Knights Spider-Man #4 (September 2004), script by Mark Millar, pencils by Terry Dodson, inks by Rachel Dodson, colors by Ian Hannin, color separations by Avalon, letters by Cory Petit

366 Days with J. Jonah Jameson, Day 292: Robbie Robertson: Who He Is and How He Came to Be (at the Bugle)

Panels from Amazing Spider-Man (1963 series) #-1 (July 1997), script by Tom DeFalco, pencils by Joe Bennett, inks by Bud LaRosa, colors by Bob Sharen, letters by Kiff Scholl

366 Days with J. Jonah Jameson, Day 284: My baloney has a first name / It's J-O-N-A-H

Panels from Marvels: Eye of the Camera #2 (February 2009), script by Kurt Busiek, pencils by Jay Anacleto, colors by Brian Haberlin, letters by Richard Starkings

366 Days with J. Jonah Jameson, Day 274: The Ballad of Iron Jonah

And now, quite possibly the greatest comic strip of all time! Take that, Krazy Kat! Get outta here, Pogo! No time for you, U.S. Acres! Yes, it's the Sensational Character Find of February 2014...Iron Jonah!




The Amazing Spider-Man newspaper comic strip (2014), script by Stan Lee, pencils by Larry Lieber, inks by Alex Saviuk
Of course, Iron Jonah is an immediate hit with the general public (if not The Beat*)




Look out, Spider-Man! You've got Iron Jonah on your tail! And that's about as unappetizing as it sounds!



Unlike any of Tony Stark's armored suits, however, this one malfunctions! And Jonah didn't save the receipt, so he can't even get store credit back for it! Curse these restrictive retailing regulations!




So everybody forgives Jonah, and another subplot about Robbie Robertson is tied up in the most bromatic way possible.



This fantastic storyline was never adapted into the regular Marvel Comic Books, because J. Scott Campbell refused to draw a sexy cover of bare-midriff J. Jonah Jameson.

Iron Jonah, won't you?

(A hooves-up salute to my very good pal, the mighty Chris Sims, who first brought the Invincible Iron Jonah to my attention in this fine article from Comics Alliance!)

*I meant the English Beat, but if you wanna take that as referring to Heidi MacDonald, that works too.