366 Days with J. Jonah Jameson, Day 148: J. Jonah Jameson, Tracer of Lost Spider-Men

Panels from Amazing Spider-Man #178 (March 1978), script by Len Wein, pencils by Ross Andru, inks by Jim Mooney, colors by Glynis Wein, letters by Joe Rosen

366 Days with J. Jonah Jameson, Day 126: Mostly just another excuse to post a Romita Gwen Stacy panel

Panels from Spectacular Spider-Man (168 series) #1 (July 1968), script by Stan Lee, pencils and inks by John Romita Sr. and Jim Mooney, letters by Sam Rosen

Today in Comics History: Peter Parker celebrates May Day by having dinner in the nude

Panels from Amazing Spider-Man: Renew Your Vows #1 (August 2015); script by Dan Slott, pencils by Adam Kubert; inks by John Dell; colors by Justin Ponsor; letters by Joe Caramagna

366 Days with J. Jonah Jameson, Day 88: The Idiot's Lantern

Panels from Amazing Spider-Man: Renew Your Vows #3 (October 2015); script by Dan Slott, pencils by Adam Kubert; inks by John Dell, Andrew Hennessey, and Mark Morales; colors by Justin Ponsor; letters by Vic Caramagna

366 Days with J. Jonah Jameson, Day 54: Jonah is so cheap (how cheap is he?) that he only invested in a square television

Panels from Incredible Hulk (1968 series) #346 (August 1988), script by Peter David, layouts by Todd McFarlane, pencils by Erik Larsen, inks by Jim Sanders III, colors by Petra Scotese, letters by Joe Rosen

366 Days with J. Jonah Jameson, Day 34: That first panel is straight out of Spider Super Stories

Panels from Marvel Team-Up (1972 series) #20 (April 1974), script by Len Wein, pencils by Sal Buscema, inks by Frank Giacoia and Mike Esposito, colors by Glynis Wein, letters by Artie Simek

Happy Fourth Anniversary to my two favorite people, John and Randi!

art from variant cover of Spider-Man: Renew Your Vows #1 (August 2015), pencils, inks, and colors by Skottie Young

Paper Doll Month, Day 3: Wait, when did this happen? I don't remember this

"Mary Jane Watson Paper Doll" from Marvel Age #54 (September 1987), pencils by John Romita Sr., inks by Vince Colletta, colors by Janet Jackson. Why the Sam Scratch are they credited in reverse on the page, huh?

Happy Holidays and Peace on Earth, True Believers!

Page from Spider-Man's Tangled Web #21 (February 2003), script and inks by Darwyn Cooke, pencils by J. Bone, colors by Matt Hollingsworth, letters by Paul Tutrone

Have a Gwen-Tossin' Halloween!

Splash page from "Happy Halloween from the Green Goblin" in Spidey Super Stories #48 (September 1980), script by Michael Siporin, pencils by Win Mortimer, inks by Mike Esposito,

Marvel Value Stamps, Day 3: Face it, Tiger, you just hit the...hey, stop licking my back

Marvel Value Stamp #82, from Fantastic Four #147 (June 1974)

All Redheads Look Alike

All redheads look alike. It's true! Here's proof: two absolutely identical-looking photographs placed side-by-side for your confusion:


You might find it hard to believe, but these two photographs are actually of different people! That's not the same person at all, but actually Karen Gillan and Willie Nelson! Or maybe Willie Nelson and Karen Gillan. Let me keep looking at them to see if I can figure that out. Hmmmm.

The redheads of the Marvel Universe all look alike, too! Take gorgeous go-go gal Mary Jane Watson, f'r instance.


Panels from Marvel Team-Up #79 (March 1979), co-plot and script by Chris Claremont, co-plot and pencils by John Byrne, inks by Terry Austin, colors by Glynis Wein, letters by Tom Orzechowski
As usual when danger's all about and...evil is in the air, smooth operator Peter Parker ducks his date and slips away to change into his long underwear instead of hanging around with his supermodel girlfriend. Are you beginning to wonder why we idolize Spider-Man? Me too.


Not content to sit on the sidelines while Peter Parker takes photographs of Godzilla versus Iron Man or whatever happens to be going on, vivacious redhead Mary Jane takes the law into her own hands and enters the mysterious haunted museum by herself. I bet the villain is going to be some caretaker wearing a rubber mask, which means that M.J. can be one of those meddling kids. Serves her right for wearing Gwen Stacy's blouse and jacket.


I bet around about now you're wondering where the all-redheads-look-alike bit comes in. Right about now, True bullievers! Hyp-mo-tized Mary Jane grabs a convenient sword from a museum case, setting off the alarms and instigating an INTERPOL worldwide search for the debonair thief of the Pink Panther Diamond. Oh, also, she changes to somebody else. Who could it be? Gold Girl? Loincloth Lass? Yellow Young Woman?


Nope! Curvaceous redhead Mary Jane Watson transforms into curvaceous redhead Red Sonja, complete with explanatory asterisk and buy-it-now box in completely different lettering! What she really needs is a caption explaining how the heck she can wear a bikini made of silver dollars, and why it doesn't jingle when she walks, and what the heck the purpose of those thigh bands are. Red Sonja: the original Rob Liefeld character.


And then Spider-Man...and this is the important part...thinks she looks like Mary Jane. Because Mary Jane often runs around in a metal bikini waving a broadsword and attacking demons. Oh wait, that's just in Peter Parker's fan fiction.


So, there you go. Mary Jane Watson = Red Sonja. It's easy enough to see how they would be confused for each other. One of them causes tigers to hit the jackpot, and the other one cuts the heads of tigers and puts them in a stewpot. Pretty darn close. Which not only means that Sonja looks like Mary Jane, but that she also looks like every other redhead in the Marvel Universe. At least to Wolverine:


Panels from What If? v.2 #16 (August 1990), script by Glenn Herdling, pencils by Gary Kwapisz, inks by Ian Akin and Brian Garvey, colors by Daniel Vozzo, letters by Janice Chiang
Wha...huh?!? What the Sam Scratch is Wolverine doing in the era of Red Sonja? Well, there's a very simple explanation. Here's the backstory:

The year is 1990, and Department H launches the last of Canada's deep space probes. In a freak mishap, Wolverine 3 and its pilot, Captain James "Logan Howlett, are blown out of their trajectory into an orbit which freezes his life support systems, and returns Wolverine to Earth, 500 years previous.

Wait, that doesn't make any sense. Eh, let's just say that The Watcher did it. Anyway, Wolverine's first thought upon seeing Red Sonja is that she's popular American humorist Jean Shepherd, but then he believes her to be Jean Grey, the Girl Who Wouldn't Stay Dead™. Well that makes sen...huh??? The only way you can explain this is that all redheads look alike! Also, for some reason, Sonja thinks Wolverine hosts a late night talk show. (That last sentence satisfies the National Comic Bloggers Association's minimum mandatory requirements for a reference of Conan O'Brien when discussing Conan the Barbarian.)


Completely by coincidence in the same story, Conan the B. is transported to Wolverine's time and place, where he immediately mistakes Jean Grey for Red Sonja! Hah! It's because all redheads look alike! His misapprehension has some slightly unfortunate consequences.


So! End of the universe, everybody! End of the universe.

Before it ends, let's take another look at some Earth-616 proof that all redheads look alike. Jean Grey, completely coincidentally and for no apparent reason at all, happens to look exactly like her own evil clone, Madelyne Pryor! What are the chances of that? Especially since Maddie Pryor is related to revolutionary comedian Richard Pryor.


Cover of Mutant X #20 (June 2000), cover art by Adam Pollina
It's a good thing that when she was first introduced, Chris Claremont Scott Summers remembered to tell us that Madelyne Pryor looked exactly like Jean Grey, since we'd never seen Paul Smith draw Jean Grey yet, and for all we knew it could be a completely different redhead. If it weren't for the fact that (sing it along with me) all redheads look alike!


Panels from Uncanny X=Men #168 (April 1983), script by Chris Claremont, pencils by Paul Smith, inks by Bob Wiacek, colors by Glynis Wein, letters by Tom Orzechowski
I always thought that Claremont and Company oughta have capitalized on the resemblance of Maddie to Jean up as the best practical joke Scott Summers would ever play. "Hey, everybody, look who's back!" "AIEEEEEEEEEEEE!" "Naw, jus' funnin' ya! Sucker!"



Panels from Uncanny X=Men #173 (September 1983), script by Chris Claremont, pencils by Paul Smith, inks by Bob Wiacek, colors by Glynis Wein, letters by Tom Orzechowski
Of course, it was only a matter of time until Jean Grey popped back up from her grave like some redheaded toaster pastry to confront her coincidentally identical genetic clone:


Cover of X-Factor #38 (March 1989), cover art by Walt Simonson
Wow! They sneer alike, they walk alike, and in these two panels they even talk alike!


Panels from X-Factor #38 (February 1989), script by Louise Simonson, pencils by Walt Simonson, inks by Bob Wiacek, colors by Petra Scotese, letters by Joe Rosen
I've deleted the next ten panels which consist of Jean and Maddie repeating "a distorted mirror" again and again until Wolverine stabs them both through the throat. (Oh, how the X-Men and X-Factor all laughed and laughed!) Instead, here's a completely literal and not at all symbolic page in which the Giant Floating Heads of Jean Grey and Maddie Pryor face off in a battle of wits including two senior citizens, their tiny selves, and a naked girl. (Wow, I am loving these special pieces in X-Men Monopoly!)



Of course, in her first appearance, we the readers were thrown off by the miscoloring of Maddie's hair. As she was not a redhead in this cameo, we of course didn't confuse her with anyone else in the Marvel Universe at all.


Panel segment from Avengers Annual #10 (1981), script by Chris Claremont, pencils and colors by Michael Golden, inks by Armando Gil, letters by Joe Rosen
Then she got better and became a redhead, and it was like looking in Jean Grey's mirror! Well, over her shoulder so you could see Jean while you were doing so. Um, if you were angled just right so that you couldn't see yourself in the mirror but you could see Jean just fine. Or maybe even better, it was like looking in Jean Grey's mirror if you were standing next to her while she was looking in at and you are a vampire! So, to sum up, Jubilee agrees with my undeniable proof that all redheads look alike.


Panels from Uncanny X-Men #238 (Late November 1988), script by I think you can guess who by this point, pencils by Marc Silvestri, inks by Dan Green, colors by Glynis Oliver, letters by Tom Orzechowski
All of which leads us full circle. If Mary Jane Watson = Red Sonja = Jean Grey, then we can wrap it up like this:


Panels from Marvel Knights Spider-Man #13 (late November 1988), script by Reginald Hudlin, pencils by Billy Tan, inks by Jonathan Sibal, colors by Ian Hannin, letters by Cory Petit
Wolverine luvvvvvvvvs Mary Jane Watson.

But not to worry! I mean, it's not like Logan has ever, ever made a move on somebody else's girl, right?




In Wolverine's favor, really, he probably just thought he was making out with Mystique or Siryn or Juggernaut. Because all redheads look alike. Isn't that right, Rachel Summers?

Like a Rock

So, in the Marvel Universe of the 1960s, who do you think is the most manly man of them all? And no, I'm not talking about chiseled Tony Stark, or suave Stephen Strange, or even nabobitty Namor "I'm too sexy to wear shirts" McKenzie. No, I'm talking about who Stan Lee considered the manliest man of the time. And as far as Stan's concerned, there is only one choice: Mister Lee has a big man-crush on Rock Hudson.



Well, who wouldn't?

The former Roy Harold Scherer, Jr. was apparently a popular choice of the Marvel Age's architect of the written word. "Where's your proof?" you ask. "Show me some examples, Bully!" you demand. And you've forgotten to say "please," but what the heck. I'm nothing if not obliging, 'specially where there's comic book panels referring to Rock Hudson to be parceled out. Everybody wait patiently in line and you'll all get one, okay?


Panel from Tales of Suspense #39 (March 1963)

Rock Hudson: geographically, he stands at a place within the area of dreaminess that is away from admiring girls on the beach, but with Tony Stark somewhere at a given point bisecting the line drawn between Rock himself and...look, I'm gonna have to draw a diagram to get this straight, so let me work on that while you move onto the next panel, okay?

Sure, nameless cameo-appearing beach bunnies in Tales of Suspense and Big Grey Clunky Armor may not suspect that historically, they might be barkin' up the wrong tree, vis-D-vis Monsieur Hudson, but hey, they are anonymous one-shot characters that will never appear again, unless it's in that big crowd scene in the Thor issue where our good-hearted Norse god decides to shake the hand, one by one, of everyone on Earth. Let's check in with a more regular denizen of the Marvel Universe, one who will eventually get to be played in the movies by Gwyneth Paltrow. Yes, folks, it's Margot Tenenbaum Pepper Potts herself! So, what do you think of Rock Hudson, Ms. Potts, keeping in mind your last name is "Potts"?


Panel from Tales of Suspense #45 (September 1963)

Huh, well, sure, Pepper has a big infatuation on Hudson as well. But can she be the only second banana in the MU who thinks Rock has appeal? Nope!


Panel from Amazing Spider-Man #43 (December 1966)

When you keep in mind that Mary Jane Watson had only first met Peter Parker in the previous issue, well, that's a mighty strong infatuation at first striking-of-the-jackpot to ditch a date with Rock Hudson for Petey...oh, wait, she's telling a joke. I get it. Ha, Mary Jane! Ha!

Why, even in the letter columns of Marvel Comics, Stan can't stop thinkin' about Rock Hudson long enough, and he's gotta refer to him in an editorial reply. How do you think that makes the Hulk feel, Stan? So jealous he's trying to smash puny Hudson right through the letter. But Rock Hudson is invulnerable to the Green Goliath's powerhouse slams! That's because he's Rock Hudson!


Letter from Incredible Hulk #102 (April 1968)

So there you go. If the Marvel Universe existed in the real world...and who says it doesn't...then the Sexiest Man Alive on the cover of Marvel People every year would have been Rock Hudson...a man so popular he has large yellow letters that follow him faithfully to point out his name to everyone. You know, I don't care who he liked to kiss...he's a sexy, handsome man. Rock Hudson, we salute you, you big beefsteak of manhood, you!



Also? He was Rock Quarry on The Flintstones. How cool is that?

A Merry Marvel Christmas: Spider-Man and Mary Jane

Pin-up from Marvel Holiday Special 1992 (1992), art by Steve Lightle

365 Days with Hank McCoy, Day 306

Hank McCoy dances with Mary Jane Watson and Bobby Drake dances with Gwen Stacy in panels from X-Men and Spider-Man #1 (January 2009), script by Christos Gage, pencils, inks, and colors by Mario Alberti, letters by Jared K. Fletcher

Mary Jane Watson, Master of the Obvious