Saturday, November 26, 2016

Today in Comics History: Open casting calls begin for The Breakfast Club, Part 2: Lunchtime


Panel from Back to the Future (IDW 2015 series) #4 (January 2016), script by John Barber and Bob Gale, pencils and inks by Ryan Browne, colors by Jay Fotos, letters by Shawn Lee

366 Days with J. Jonah Jameson, Day 331: The first rule of journalism: Ignore Jonah


Panels from Peter Parker: Spider Man (1999 series) #4 (April 1999), script by Howard Mackie, pencils by Bart Sears, inks by Scott Hanna, colors by Mark Bernardo, letters by Liz Agraphiotis

Friday, November 25, 2016

Today in Comics History: First All-Nude Hickory Farms store opens


Panels from Back to the Future: Citizen Brown #2 (June 2016); adapted from the video game story by Bob Gale, Michael Stemmle, Andy Hartzell, and Jonathan Straw; adapted by Bob Gale and Erik Burnnham; script by Erik Burnham; pencils and inks by Alan Robinson; colors by Maria Santrolalla; letters by Shawn Lee

Happy Fifth Anniversary to my two favorite people, John and Randi!


Variant cover of Amazing Spider-Man: Renew Your Vows (2015 series) #5 (November 2015), pencils by Joe Quesada, inks and colors by Kevin Nowlan

366 Days with J. Jonah Jameson, Day 330: Parker! Get me wedding photos of Spider-Man!

Exactly five years ago today, my very bestest human pals, John and Randi, got married! Hooray! I am all for this getting married thing, because together they are the best and they work really hard to make us have a happy home with lots of love and cookies.

So let's celebrate by showing the time the world's grumpiest man got married! (Note: John is nicer than Jonah.) John and Randi had a wonderful wedding, but it was definitely missing a cameo guest appearance by Stan Lee!


Panels from Amazing Spider-Man Annual (1964 series) #18 (December 1984), plot by Tom DeFalco, script by Stan Lee, pencils by Ron Frenz, inks by Bob Layton and Jackson Guice, colors by Bob Sharen, letters by Joe Rosen

Just for fun, let's see how Jonah behaves when it's not his own wedding!


Panels from Amazing Spider-Man Annual (1964 series) #21 (1987), plot by Jim Shooter, script by David Michelinie, pencils by Paul Ryan, inks by Vince Colletta, colors by Bob Sharen, letters by Rick Parker

Happy anniversary, and many more, John and Randi!

Thursday, November 24, 2016

Q: What do Jonah Hex and I have in common?

Thanksgiving! It existed in the Wild, Wild West!* And it exists in the far-off future! Is there anything that Thanksgiving can't do? Well, it can't make Jonah Hex happy. Probably because he can't get his jaw in good around a big-ass turkey leg.


Panels from Hex #18 (February 1987), script by Michael Fleisher, pencils by Keith Giffen, inks by Carlos Garzon, colors by Bob LeRose, letters by Milt Snapinn

By why is the Merc with a Mouth and Some Extra Melted Skin Joining It Together so down on the holly jolly holiday of Thanksgiving? We begin to find out in an extra-sized, extra-bold-panel-bordered flashback sequence, where Kid Jonah Hex discovers the wounded, timelost Rocket Raccoon trapped in a...trap, I guess. Serves him right for being taken in by the bait of a chilled bottle of Boerl & Kroff Brut 2055 Champagne.


Later, the Hex family &#$151; patriarch Woodson Hex, mother Virginia Britney Hex, and young Jonah Susan Hex settle down to eat a dee-licious Thanksgiving meal, presumably out by the cee-ment pond. Say, what do you think that holiday mystery meat is? Three guesses, and the first two don't count, especially if you guess "Spam" and then "Spam" again.


(Scary Door sting) TURNS OUT IT'S RACCOON


Hey-yo! You think that's a shocking, surprise ending? Well, it is, kinda. Also: they had stuffing instead of taters. DA DA DAHHHHHHH

Speaking of shock endings...later in that same comic, Jonah finds...himself — all taxidermed up in a sideshow warehouse. Well, that'll happen.


So, the answer to the question I posed in the title, What do Jonah Hex and I have in common?

A: We're both stuffed.

* No it didn't. But they did have giant steampunk spiders.

Today in Comics History: World ends within six weeks. Oh thanks, 2016 1971.


Panel from Star Trek: New Visions #7 (July 2015), script, photomanipulations, and letters by John Byrne

Thanksgiving Party Hints from the Scarlet Witch

She's may be just an ordinary housewife/mutant manipulator of reality and time/space, but Wanda Maximoff has got it goin' on. Why, back in the days before she was divorced from her robot husband who went on to have a murderous but critically acclaimed second family, Wanda was the consummate homemaker! In fact, she's made several homes completely from stray atoms of the universe around her! So when she throws a party, she really throws a party! Here's just a few of her handy household hints that'll ensure you a happy Thanksgiving party, and you won't even need to have your origin retconned into an Inhuman! Take it away, Wanda!

1. Make sure you invite all your friends! To put them at ease, remind they don't have to dress up special — just wear everyday clothing! (Geez, Namor, if you're too hot, just let me know and I'll turn down the thermostat!)


Panel from Vision and the Scarle Witch (1985 series) #6 (March 1986), script by Steve Englehart, pencils by Richard Howell, inks by Frank Springer, colors by Adam Phillips, letters by Rick Parker and Bill Oakley

2. There will be some guests who it might be difficult to invite! Swallow your pride and ask your dad to come over, even if he disapproves of your husband, has vowed to destroy the entire human race, or if he voted for Trump.


3. For those who came in late, recount everyone's origin! Note: This hint does not apply to the Summers Family Thanksgiving when Cable arrives, or else you'll be there through November 30.


4. Pig out! And don't let Crystal do that thing where she changes the cranberry jelly into cranberry sauce. That's just plain screwed up.


5. If all else fails, reset the universe.


Today in Comics (Alternate) History: Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? Aquaman.

Hey, remember thirty years ago, when the world ended? That thirty years has flown by so fast it feels like the world ended only last week. Anyway, flash-forward four years to a post-apocalypse world of Thanksgiving Day, 1990! When I check the "Today in Regular History" website, it tells me that the strange, mutated people of Thanksgiving 1990 had made "Love Takes Time" by Mariah Carey the #1 hit! Well, you've always got to expect some radioactive horror after the bombs fall.


Panel from "Thanksgiving Day — 1990!" in Strange Adventures #132 (September 1961), script by John Broome, pencils and inks by Murphy Anderson, letters by Gaspar Saladino

Wow, that sure is a lot more exciting than my Thanksgiving day, which mainly consists of stuffing myself with stuffing (of the non-stuffed bull variety) and then lying on the couch for the rest of the day burping along to the songs in Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. But in the scary atomic world of the future past, just gathering enough food to even survive is a challenge! Why, even Saturn Girl and G.I. Joe's Duke only got seed, sods, fruits and grasses! Say...is corn grass?


Later, the last dregs of humanity have a Thanksgiving picnic! It's all vegetarian (booooo!), because if you remember your basic Atomic Knights mythology, all the animals were mutated into monstrous forms. So not so much any turkey steaming on the table, more like turkeys looming on the horizon ready to stomp your house while gobbling menacingly.


Suddenly, distant relatives you don't care for that much arrive for Thanksgiving dinner! In this case, the interlopers are the armies of Atlantis, and they're brandishing their "8"s at us! Quick, put in the extending leaf and get out the card table for the kids!


So just where did this horde of the Undersea Kingdom come from? If you can trust the ads on the very next page of this here comic book, they came from Rockville Center, New York, and they're monochromatically armed for battle at a low, low price!


No, actually, the Atlantean attackers were blasted from the distant past into their hellish post-nuclear future by the power of the atomic bomb! Golly, is there anything it can't do?!?


SCIENCE!:


Luckily, the Atomic Knights fight right back! Keep in mind these tactics for when your cousins from a mythical land of millennia ago show up and there's not enough green bean casserole!


So, just like many Thanksgiving stories before it, the Atomic Knights' 1990 Thanksgiving ends with exterminating the native people. Enjoy your pumpkin pie, suckers!


Today in Thanksgiving Comics History: Cable votes for Trump and it's still not the most uncomfortable thing at the Summers' Thanksgiving


Panel from X-Men (2013 series) #20 (December 2014); script by Mark Guggenheim; pencils by Harvey Tolivao and Dexter Soy; inks by Dexter Soy, Ed Tadeo, Scott Hanna, Norman Lee, Craig Yeung, and I dunno, quite possibly me at this point; colors by Paul Mounts; letters by Joe Carmagna

Today in Comics History: All Marty McFly needs is some clown makeup over that mustache and he's Cesar Romero


Panels from Back to the Future: Citizen Brown #2 (June 2016); adapted from the video game story by Bob Gale, Michael Stemmle, Andy Hartzell, and Jonathan Straw; adapted by Bob Gale and Erik Burnnham; script by Erik Burnham; pencils and inks by Alan Robinson; colors by Maria Santrolalla; letters by Shawn Lee

Today in Thanksgiving Comics History: Homer is once again still not yet ready to go camping


Panel from "The Winter of Our Discount Tent" in The Simpsons Winter Wingding #10 (November 2015), script by Ian Boothby, pencils by Phil Ortiz, inks by Mike DeCarlo, colors by Alan Hellard, letters by Karen Bates

366 Days with J. Jonah Jameson, Day 329: Jive Turkey

Hope you have a giant turkey this year for Thanksgiving! Although maybe not as giant as this one.


Panels from "Danger From a Strange Land" in Spidey Super Stories #20 (December 1976), script by Pat Thackray, pencils by Win Mortimer, inks by Mike Esposito and Tony Mortellaro, letters by Ray Holloway

Yes, the Impossible Man tale from Spidey Super Stories! Also known as "the one with a chapter named after an adult film."


Panels from "Danger From a Strange Land" in Spidey Super Stories #20 (December 1976), script by Pat Thackray, pencils by Win Mortimer, inks by Mike Esposito and Tony Mortellaro, letters by Ray Holloway

I'm not certain myself what is meant by an "adult film." I'm guessing it's one about mortgages, or antacids.

Enjoy the Thanksgiving Day Parade, Part 5: Na na na na na na na na Balloons





Panels from "Thanksgiving" in Batman: Li'l Gotham #1 (June 2013), script by Dustin Nguyen and Derek Fridolfs, painted art by Dustin Nguyen, letters by Saida Temofonte

Enjoy the Thanksgiving Day Parade, Part 4: Would You Like a Ride? I'm a Beautiful Balloon


Splash page from "Flee to Your Grave" in the Unexpected #170 (November-December 1975), script by George Kashdan, pencils and inks by Ernie Chan

Yes, Terror from the Macy's Non-Branded, You-Can't-Sue-Us Thanksgiving Day Parade! And it all began the night before in a mad scientist's lab. Seriously, within the pages of DC's horror/chiller comics, what doesn't?


This changes Professor Travers into the amazing Green-and-Purple Monster-Man, star of so many DC comics during the 1970s. Remember All Star Green-and-Purple Monster-Man? Brave and the Bold and the Green-and-Purple Monster-Man? Batman and the Outsiders and also the Green-and-Purple Monster-Man?


Luckily for the Professor's sake, he's able to casually sneak into a Thanksgiving Day Parade amongst the Superman and Batman blimps. Truly, his fame is ballooning! ... Kill me.


At least, until the evil Reese, who did not invent the peanut-butter cup, convinces the police to shoot at the Monster Professor through the giant Superman balloon. Hey cops: helium lives matter!


All's well that ends well with an ironic twist O. Henry would have envied if he had ever written a story about a scientist changed into a giant balloon and cornered in between Warner Bros. licensed characters on the fourth Thursday in November. Truly that tale was indeed one of The Four Million everyday ordinary tales of life in the city.


Enjoy the Thanksgiving Day Parade, Part 3: Cheryl Blossom is literally full of hot air



Panels from "Don't Rain on My Parade!" in Cheryl Blossom Special #4 (1996), script and pencils by Dan Parent, inks by Rudy Lapick, colors by Barry Grossman, lettes by Mindy Eisman

Enjoy the Thanksgiving Day Parade, Part 2: All this and they didn't even invite Bouncing Boy


Cover of DCU Holiday Special 2010 one-shot (February 2011), pencils and inks by Matt Haley

Welcome to the DC Universe, where, just like us with our parade balloons of Stephen Hawking, Mae Jemison, and Larry Csonka, they celebrate Thanksgiving Day with the likenesses of true-life heroes within their own world! Heroes in shiny, armored costumes who star in popular and successful adventure franchises in film and on television The CW!


Splash page from "Hero of Heroes" in DCU Holiday Special 2010 one-shot (February 2011), script by Kevin Grevioux, pencils by Roberto Castro, inks by Scott Koblish, colors by Alex Bleyaert, letters by Travis Lanham

Whoa, not so fast, Hal Jordan. We said popular and successful.


You're okay, Flash, seen Tuesday night at 8, 7 Central on the CW.

Enjoy the Thanksgiving Day Parade, Part 1: Soaring! Helium! Air! Zeppelin! Ascend! Macy's!

Mary Marvel got her first grand marshal job
In a parade where everyone could see
Foolin' her elderly mom
It was Thanksgiving of '73




Panel from "The Thanksgiving Thieves!" in Shazam! (1973 series) #10 (February 1974), script by E. Nelson Bridwell, pencils and inks by Bob Oksner

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

366 Days with J. Jonah Jameson, Day 328: The one where everybody talks real fast like a Tracy/Hepburn movie


Panels from Amazing Spider-Man (1963 series) #39 (August 1966), script by Stan Lee; pencils by John Romita, Sr.; inks by Mike Esposito; touch-ups by John Romita, Sr.; letters by Artie Simek

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Preacher Science Theater 3000

Because I thought Jesse Custer needed some pals with which to watch John Wayne movies (especially McLintock!):


Panel from Preacher #32 (December 1997), pencils and inks by Steve Dillon, colors by Pamela Rambo; and Mystery Science Theater 3000 art by Steve Vance; all inexpertly Photoshopped by yours little stuffed truly

And here's a tip of the little bull's fancy top hat to the fabulous Charlotte Finn, who inspired and helped me find the Preacher panel needed. Check out "Preacher Ma'am," her great re-read and review series on Comics Alliance!