Sometimes comics focus too much on the hitting and the fighting and the kicking with the feet and the don't punch me in the face, oh missus lady person! So let's begin a new feature that focuses strictly o n the pretty-much civilian
social life one of of your and my favorite heroines! Yes, it's time for some
perfectly ordinary scenes of Spider-Woman
Jessica Drew having a
perfectly ordinary romantic life with
perfectly ordinary consequences! And as befits her position as Marvel's
swingin'-est gal of the High-Flying Seventies, Jessica ain't at no party...
she's at a disco!
Panel from Spider-Woman v.1 #17 (August 1979), script by Mark Gruenwald, plot assist by Josh Wilburn, pencils by Carmine Infantino, inks by Mike Esposito, colors by Ben Sean, letters by Diana Albers, hairstyle by Clea of the Dark Dimension
Say, why so blue, Jess? Honestly, don't worry...people won't laugh at you when you order a sloe gin fizz, and even
if it makes you hallucinate the floating head of Tony Stark and other eligible bachelors of the Marvel Universe. (Whoa, heckuva birthmark on that one guy's face.) Why, here comes one now! I'm pretty sure he's a roguish extra left over from one of Infantino's
Star Wars stories, but that's okay: he goes right with Jessica's
Shi'ar-styled haircut! So boogie down, Spider-Woman! (What is wrong with me?)
But
what's this? (I just can't stop impersonating WIlliam Dozier!)
Spider-Woman shimmying
seductively on the
samba stand? But that can't be, because
I'm Spider-Woman. I mean,
she's Spider-Woman! Gosh, can't Jess just have a
night off from belly-aching mysteries?
Let's flash back for a moment and check out the aptly named
Fluffy McRedHead* who has
stolen Jessica's purse! The hussy!** Despite apparently having cross eyes (and hey, who wouldn't with that haircut!), she sees the
perfect opportunity to turn the head of her love interest
Tony Mercury. Well, at least she has a
chance. After all, it's not
Freddie Mercury.
Luckily, Jess
lunges right into the frame,
Kirby-style, in time to see Faux-sica boogie on down out on the balcony and onto
a pink thing that does not like being stepped on. Pepto-Bismol? Pink lemonade? Some discarded cotton candy? The liqufied remains of Elvis's Cadillac? The Psychedelic Furs's greatest hit?*** Alecia Moore?
Later, Jessica strips the costume off her and leaves her in her undies at the bottom of a cliff. So far this is running about the same course as
most of her dates.
Well, that's done with! Time now for some parkin' and
smoochin'****. Look out, Eric! Don't gouge your eye on Jessica's sharp, sharp hair spikes!
Then, just like any other ordinary date, her guy
starts melting.
THIS WAS ONE OF JESSICA DREW'S
BEST DATES EVER.
*She is not actually named that.
**Da da da da da da da da da, da da da da da da da da da...DO THE HUSSY! Da da da da da da da da da, da da da da da da da da da...
***Okay, "The Ghost in You" is pretty great, too.
****I only understand this concept theoretically, but my extensive research has shown me this is what does happen there.