By "now" you've heard the news: Marvel is going to cancel and restart many of its flagship titles this fall in a plan to freshen and invigorate the series. The new program, titled Marvel NOW!, will team up Avengers and X-Men in The Uncanny Avengers (not to be confused with The Mighty X-Men), returns Jean Grey to the Marvel Universe in all her multi-colored glory, finds a way to replace old white one-eyed Nick Fury with young black one-eyed Nick Fury, pushes into the spotlight Rocket Racoon (never a bad thing), gives Thor some honkin' big swords, and reintroduces all your favorite Star Comics characters into an original super-hero team led by Royal Roy and Wally the Wizard!
Marvel plans that this brand-new jumping- off on point and renumbering of many issues will please and delight comics fandom, who have repeatedly demanded and rejected change in the Marvel Universe's status quo. But what else can you expect from the all-new, all-different Marvel NOW!? Yours little stuffed truly talked to my mole at Marvel
...and I'm happy to be able to share this with you: here's lots more of what you can expect from Marvel NOW! (I think you are supposed to shout the NOW! when you say it) this fall. So enjoy the new secrets of... Marvel NOW! Now!
Instead of beginning with "Stan Lee Presents," all Marvel Comics will be headlined with "Walt Disney in Association with the Walt Disney Company Corporation, Walt Disney Productions, Walt Disney Entertainment, Disney Consumer Products and Walt Disney Theme Parks Present"
Reuse the plots from "Heroes Reborn"
In his new origin, Daredevil blinded by a radioactive Kardashian
Northstar divorces his husband; marries Kevin Keller
Original five members of the X-Men replaced by Wolverine, Deadpool, Punisher, Thanos, and Wolverine
New digital comics format allow readers to download and pirate comics within seconds
Spider-Man now carries guilt of having personally beaten Uncle Ben to death in an argument over wheatcakes
The New Universe, and this time we're gonna make that puppy stick
Brian Bendis will probably write something
Reed Richards divorces Sue, remarries with younger trophy wife Mary Jane Watson
Annual crossover with superheroes from Earth-2
Marvel Now! Pogs
Tony Stark's drinking problem replaced by OCD; each issue to feature 8-10 pages of Tony washing his hands
Dark Power Pack
Carol Danvers demoted to Lieutenant Marvel
Wolverine's claws now made of delicious candy
Give The New Warriors their own book one more time. Kids love The New Warriors, right?
Comic book printing to introduce fifth color
Nick Fury Jr. revealed to have five-year-old illegitimate son missing one eye, who takes command of SHIELD
Psylocke's rear end to get its own four-issue limited series
Marvel to publish new Batman comic; bets DC won't even notice
Christian Bale as Bruce Wayne and Michael Caine (The Greatest Actor of Our Time™) as Alfred Pennyworth in The Dark Knight (2008), screenplay by Jonathan Nolan and Christopher Nolan, directed by Christopher Nolan
Celebrating our terrific two hundredth day with Alfred with one of the greatest screen Alfreds of all time: Batman '66's Alan Napier!
Batgirl (Yvonne Craig) giving Alfred (Alan Napier) what she never gave Batman or Robin: a kiss!...in the Batman episode "Enter Batgirl, Exit Penguin" (September 14, 1967), scripted by Stanford Sherman, directed by Oscar Rudolph
Hey, if you're a fan of the musical mash-up genre, scoot on over to my This Is My Jam page and check out a Madonna vs. Monty Python mash-up I did. Please excuse the sound quality: I made it years and years ago (even tho' I'm only six) and it had been saved in, wouldja believe it or not, the Macintosh System 7 Sound File format!
That page again is right here for a Madonna vs. Python mash-up, and hurry: this offer expires next Monday! (By which I mean This Is My Jam pages only stay up for one week.)
Chris O'Donnell as Dick Grayson, Alicia Silverstone as Barbara Wilson, George Clooney as Bruce Wayne, and Michael Gough as Alfred Pennyworth in Batman & Robin (1997), script by Akiva Goldsman, directed by Joel Schumacher
Oh no! Golden Age Flash Jay Garrick has been trapped by the Fiddler! Which, I think we'll all agree, is better than being fiddled by the Trapster.
Panels from "A Stranger with My Face" in Speed Force one-shot (November 1997); script, pencils, inks, and letters by John Byrne; colors by Noelle Giddings
Luckily a mysterious stranger who looks kind of like a relative is able to release Flash, but not being telling him to remember the date. You know, Mysterious Stranger, you could have at least given him a Post-It™ note with the date of 7/15/42 on it.
Well, luckily, as you see in the caption above, we can find out the answer to this puzzling conundrum (or, as we in the bloggin' business say, puzzdrum) within the pages of Wonder Woman #129, only a few months later!
Oh wait...hope you didn't buy Wonder Woman #129, because the story actually continued in Wonder Woman #130. Whoopsie.
Panels from Wonder Woman v.2 #130 (February 1998); script, pencils, inks, and letters by John Byrne; colors by Patricia Mulvihill
Oh, so the M.S. was the white-templed Jay Garrick of 1998 who traveled back to 1942 and released the Jay Garrick of that time so that he could survive into 1998 and go back in time to save himself in 1942 so he could...look, you guys all know how time travel works. Everything is predestined. Unless it isn't.
So, thank you John Byrne, for helping us laugh at July 15...again!