Monday, October 15, 2012

Watch, man

Hey, remember back in 1983 when this happened?

Panel from "Worlds at War!" in Journey into Mystery v.1 #50 (January 1959), pencils and inks by Jack Davis; recolored version published in Curse of the Weird #4 (March 1994), new colors by Ashley Posella

Naw, me either.

But I do remember this happening in 1985:

Panels from Watchmen #12 (October 1987), script by Alan Moore; pencils, inks, and letters by Dave Gibbons; colors by John Higgins

When did he do it, you might ask?

Be that as it may, here's what else happened in 1983, while you were all drinking your new-fangled "juice boxes" (those things'll never last!) and hanging up "Baby on Board" signs on your car, or, if you didn't have a car, just right on your baby. Yes, 1983 was the year J'onn J'onnz cosplayers came to Earth! (They shoulda took that left turn at Albuquerque.)

Well, the Martians are an evolved and advanced race. Surely they'll be willing to teach us their methods of global peace and harmony and...hey! Where ya goin'?

You know, I gotta wonder about these aliens that give us so much advance warning before destroying us. What's in it for them? I mean, lookit the Xindi. They destroyed Florida twenty-six episodes before they were ready to blow up the Earth. Did that make any sense? Well, no more than having a beagle in space. Speaking of beagles in space, the world's nations decide to get together and launch a dog into space band together to become stronger for the sake of humanity! It's just like President Benjamin Franklin said: "We must, indeed, all hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately. Now, pass me that tankard of ale, wench, for 'tis truly partying time! Yeee-haw!"

And faster than you can set a montage to the tune of hit single "Flashdance...What a Feeling," one of the biggest songs of 1983, everybody teams up with each other and gets things done! Yes, Americans and Russians working's just like the movie Armageddon! It's partnership and brotherhood, hand in hand, just like the hit "Ebony and Ivory," which was released in 1982 but was still a big hit in 1983. Also, popular 1983 comedian Yakov Smirnoff helped. "In Soviet Union, rocket fires us!"

Surprise! It was all a prank that the Martians were put up to by their goofy cousins on Jupiter. Also, it was a way to get the Americans and Russians to be stronger together! World peace has been achieved thanks to the threat of mutual destruction! That old trick? It worked all along!

And it all happened in 1983...two years before the events of Alan Moore's Watchmen. Then, it was beamed back in time, past Thor's nose, to be published in a 1959 issue of Journey into Mystery. Just so Stan Lee could say

"I did it twenty-four years ago!

Ah, those wacky comic book writers. Always usin' time travel to get one up on the other.


snell said...

Of course the 1963 Outer Limits episode Architects of Fear used the same plot twist, as Moore hat-tipped in the last issue of Watchmen.

So we've had multiple instances of time travel...

Dean said...

Recognising their opportunity, the unified nations of Earth quickly conquered and enslaved the defenseless Martians.

BillyWitchDoctor said...

"Upon learning that they no longer had a common enemy, humanity did what came naturally and began fighting like rabid dogs again. TEH NED."

TB Tabby said...

The 1980s Twilight Zone put a twist on it with "A Small Talent For War." The aliens WANTED humans to be warlike, because they were breeding them to fight their wars for them. They just weren't good enough at it.

Jon Jermey said...

At last the Black Hats and the Purple Hats can live in harmony!

Blam said...

Yes, 1983 was the year J'onn J'onnz cosplayers came to Earth!
That's hilarious. As is the Martian's laid-back, sarcastic "Not quite, Earthmen" in response to "We trust you've come in peace..." (It's J'onn J'onzz, by the way — double z.)

Blam said...

"We have no weapons of destruction nor any army to wage a war!"
"Hmm... You know what that means, Ivan?"
"Da, Joe! It means Soviets and Americans can team up to take over Mars!"