I oughta know when to keep my little stuffed mouth shut! I noticed via the magical medium of Google...
...that it's the birthday (in 1812, same as the overture) of the man who invented Christmas and urban poverty, Charles Dickens. Happy birthday, Chuck!
House ad for Teen Titans #13 (DC, January 1968), cover pencils and inks by Nick Cardy, cover letters by Ira Schnapp; in DC Comics cover-dated January 1968
Where I made my mistake was in running to tell my pal John, who suggested that since I was studying English Literature in my homeschooling, that I should write a report about the life of Dickens. You know, John, some things you just wanna celebrate, not turn into homework.
from Marvel Classics Comics #36 (Marvel, 1978)
So I ran down to the hermetically sealed and climate-controlled Bully Big Vault o' Comics, hopped into my little electric cart and drove a few minutes to aisle C, section 17, where I pulled out one of my copies of Classics Illustrated and brought this page back to John:
text page from Classics Illustrated #6 [A Tale of Two Cities] (Gilberton, September 1948)Wow, what a downer of an ending. I think it would be a good idea to add onto that, like, he came back from the dead to fight zombies with the aid of a combination giant steampunk robot and time machine. Anyway, John said I had to write my own report. (Spoilsport.) So I took the express elevator back down to the vault and here's what I came up with.
My Report
by Bully (age 7) (me)
Charles Dickens is a very very very famous author who is famous for writing many comic books.
Throughout his career he created many exciting action characters, most of whom will be familiar to all you comic book readers.
(Left to right: Thrash-Guy and his son, Bat-Man and Bat-Girl plus Magpie the Wonder Cat, Old Skulky, Capt. & Mrs. Crunch, Napoleon Bonaparte, The Dancing Duet, Punchinello the Clown, Spider-Rider, Two Old Ladies with an Umbrella and a Bottle of Gin, Flag-Head, Falling-Over Guy, The Ghost Kids, Helicopter Lad, The Guy Who Says Talk-to-the-Hand, Miss Floaty and Daughter, Raven-Man, The Fighting Irish, Cylinder-Head, and Mister Inkwell.)
Charles Dickens is often remembered for having met The Spectre at a Christmas party, where they exchanged really clever Secret Santa gifts.
from The Spectre (2001 series) #12 (DC, February 2002), script by J. M. DeMatteis, pencils and inks by Ryan Sook, colors by Guy Major, letters by Chris Eliopoulos
Later, he taught writing and advanced beatnikism to Patsy Walker, the runner-up winner in the Sweetheart of Earth-616 Competition (just behind Millie the Model).
from Patsy & Hedy #75 (Marvel/Atlas, April 1961), script by Stan Lee, pencils (and inks?) by Al Hartley
During the tumultuous nineties, he moonlighted as an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.* *Surely He's Inscribing Elegantly Like Dickens:
from Ultimate Spider-Man (2009 series) #9 (June 2010), script by Brian Michael Bendis, pencils and inks by David Lafuente, colors by Justin Ponsor, letters by Cory Petit
Later he met his untimely violent death at the hands of The Joker! We'll miss you, Charles Dickens.
from "The Joker's Double" in Detective Comics (1937 series) #85 (March 1944), script by Bill Finger, layouts by Ed Kressy, finishes and letters by Dick Sprang
As we have seen, Charles Dickens was a great man. But did he ever get his picture on a trading card?
Why, yes. Yes he did. Twice!
Beleagured comic book editors looked to Dickens as a character to plug into a text story to attain that low, low, second-class postage mailing rate!
"The Visitor" from Jack-in-the-Box Comics #11 (Charlton, October 1946), author unknown
So, in conclusion, Charles Dickens is a
text page from Classics Illustrated #48 [A Christmas Carol] (Gilberton, June 1948)
Hooray! John said my report was very good. He gave me an "A!"
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6 comments:
Have you ever read anything by Charles Dikkens, the famous Dutch author? I recommend "A Sale of Two T*tties."
Brilliant stuff, that took work. Thanks!
So is your favourite Dickens character Bull Sykes?
Classics Illustrated says "The grave was left open"?? Oh, that's suspicious. A get out clause if there ever was one.
Wow! Tremendous work, Bully! And TIL Charles Dickens helped Steve Martin with the lyrics to one of the greatest novelty songs ever written!
...How tall is cigarette card Charles Dickens?
@Robert Carnegie: Please see another literary analysis of the man by Christopher Hibbert: Charles Dickens: The Making of a Literary Giant.
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