You tell me: where would the great businessmenthe movers and shakers of industry and commercebe without their second bananas? Those industrious sidekicks do most of the work and take little of the credit, and have they ever, ever had a comic book named after them? No they have not. That's what qualifies them for tonight's Supporting Character Slamdown as we see Stark International's secretary supreme face off against The Daily Bugle's diligent blue-penciller...woo boy, this is a tough battle to call! Luckily I don't have to make the decision...no, it's all up to you! First, let's meet the competitors!
Yes, her name is Bambi, but you better be calling her Mrs. Arbogast. Tony Stark's personal secretary and executive assistant in the post-Pepper-Potts-period (round about the time Pep was running around Spain with Mario Batali and hanging out backstage at Coldplay concerts), Mrs. A. made herself absolutely essential to the Starkster from Day One with her cool unflappability under pressure and her expert phone manners:
Any secretary can keep an unwanted visitor out of her boss's office...but only a super-secretary can keep Namor, Lord of the Fishes, from stinkin' up Tony's executive office, what with the seaweed hanging off his little wings and his cologne with the fishy requisite-t-t-t-t-te. We here at Comics Oughta Be Fun! love the big shirtless lug, but ya gotta give Bambi props for putting him in his place. Namor respects that. In fact, he's scarily turned on by that.
Her weapons? Sarcasm. Why, Bethany Cabe's zip-a-toned green dress doesn't stand a chance against Mrs. A's withering tongue. (Eww, I didn't mean that the way it sounded.)
In fact, all you need to get Mrs. Arbogast riled up is to get her angry. Like Bruce Banner, the angrier she gets...well, let's just say that nobody parks under Tony Stark's office window for fear of the flying typewriters.
If she's got a weakness, it's got to be her tendency to gossip. If you happen to be a secret drunk on the job, filling up your red and gold armor with rich, buttery Kentucky whisky until it pours out of the eyeholes, well, then, Mrs. Blabbermouth is gonna make certain everyone knows you're back on the sauce again. Why do you think Tony took the editorship of the Stark International in-house newsletter away from her?
And hey, speaking of editors...bring on the opponent, Ragin' Robbie Robertson!
One of the greatest rock 'n' rollers of all time, Robbie Robertson has made music history during his career with hit after hit from The Band and also in his long and solid solo career. Penning such classics as "The Weight," "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down," "Broken Arrow" and many others, he was inducted into the Rock Hall of Fame in 1994. Robertson has collaborated with some of the biggest names in music, including Springsteen, U2, Josie and the Pussycats, Rick Jones, the Electric Mayhem...
Wait a minute. I'm being handed a note. What's that?
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so very very sorry. I've made another one of my silly mistakes again.
Joseph "Robbie" Robertson is the heart and conscience of that fine, fine, metropolitan fish wrapper The Daily Bugle. Between shouts from his boss of MISS BRANT WHERE'S MY COFFEE and PARKER GET ME PHOTOS OF SPIDER-MAN!, it's Robbie who does the real heavy hauling, keeping JJJ from being sued for libel on the average of three to four times a day, while still managing to hold down his job as Friendly Older Mentor to that wacky Peter Parker and his pals. Nobody, and I mean nobody, knows the news business better than Robbie Robertson. Except, possibly, Perry White. And Charles Foster Kane. And maybe Sarah Jane Smith. Maybe Kent Brockman. Okay, and don't forget Lou Grant. And, of course, Steve Martin. In fact, about eighteen people know the news business better than Robbie Robertson. Twenty, twenty-two, tops.
Add to his favor that he's a devoted family man...
And he never, never, never, never (well hardly ever) gives up:
And if there's one thing you can say about Robbie: he's never, never, never been to jail.
Man, I really gotta start doing better research on these things.
So there you go. Who's gonna win this battle of the Supporting Character Slamdown? The decision is up to you! Vote for your favorite, vote for the logical winner, vote for the character you want to see spun off into a weekly television series starring either Taye Diggs or Tyne Daley.Vote for the one who will give you a better national healthcare program! Vote for the one you think will be mostly likely to give the trix Rabbit those yummy, yummy fruity and delicious Trix! Just vote! Vote, vote, vote!
Place your vote before nine PM eastern daylight time on Thursday, April 1, or risk being mocked by Madonna because you didn't rock the vote! At nine PM on Thursday we'll count up the ballots, throw custard pies at the loser, and elect a winner!
Which way are you going to vote, Wesley Snipes?