In which a little stuffed bull asks the musical question: Who's the punchiest guy around? Why, it's not the Hulk, and it's not Wildcat...it's not even Russell Crowe! No, the punchiest guy in the land is the guy from the sea: Mister Popeye the Sailor Man!
Don't believe me? Well, cast yer good peeper on these...only a select few of Popeye's Greatest Hits:
Say, just who did teach Popeye to punch like that? Well, he learned from the best in the businesshis dad, Poopdeck Pappy...who likes to punch...um...shall we say, more defenseless targets...:
Like father, like son? Think about it, won't you...Olive?
Bahlactus will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.
Hooray! It's winter! Soon it will be snowing in Central Park and I'll be out sledding on my toboggan, strapping on my little skis, making snow angels, having snowball fights, and all sorts of fun winter activities that are great for the cold crispy snowy months!
But if you're going to play in the snow in Manhattan, make sure you play nicenot like these guys:
Panels from Fantastic Four #242 (May 1982), written and drawn by John Byrne, colors by Glynis Wein, letters by Jim Novak
So remember, you may be a crook, but that snow excuse for being a dumbass and trying to mug a superhero. Ben Grimm sure knows how to bowl 'em over, doesn't he? Why, he's having a real ball!
So take it from the Thing, the original abominable snowman: safe winter play is snow accident!
It's not even Christmas yet, but plop in the Bully mailbox landed two intriguing padded packages addressed to yours truly. What could they be? What could they be?
Wow! Two of my good internetty friends, Pal Dorian Wright and Jovial Jared Axelrod sent me some wonderful surprise-type presents! Why, is it my birthday? No! I just have really good friends!
Dorian must have known how sad I am that I am not going to London again this Christmas (sniff) so he sent me the next best thing: a wonderful colorful map of London!
It's big enough that I can play on it and pretend I'm in London. Hey look, everybody, I'm sitting on Graham Norton! Hah!
There are fun-type activities that will keep me amused for hours. I have to scour London to find Nelson's Column, a London bus, and a public loo. Wow. That last one is hard.
There were also fun London stickers in the map! You've gotta love free bonus stickers. They're like the sour cream on the Chipotle Burrito of life.
John said I could not put the stickers on the walls or the furniture. He did not say anything about not putting them on the cat! Tee hee! Stand still, Gus...you are in London now!
Dorian also sent me a "Beauty Walks in Atlantic City" map. I think I am not pretty enough to use this map personally, but it will come in very handy the next time I play Monopoly. A hotel for Marvin Gardens, please!
When I opened Jared's package, I was surprised and happy to find he had sent me a beautiful home-made Doctor Who sonic screwdriver! This is tons better than the manual screwdriver I have to use all the time! Everyone will be jealous of me in shop class.
It looks just like the real (Sylvester) McCoy! And the end actually really lights up! I can shoot sonic rays and unlock doors and get into the cookies wherever John has hidden them away.
It is especially good for fighting off Daleks. If they don't respond to the sonic attack, just hit them over the head with it.
Christmas is coming
The bull is getting fat
Please to put some money
In the little bull's hat!
Why am I out on the street corner singing and dancing for pennies? (If you haven't got a penny, a ha-penny will do. If you haven't got a ha'penny, well, the heck with you!) Because I'm saving up to buy all my bestest friends wonderful Christmas presents as that holiday rapidly approaches. But y'know, you don't need to spend a whole hatful of pennies to make your friends happy on December 25th. Simply give them something that they really, really want, and they'll be pleased as punch on Christmas morning. That's what I'm doin' for my friend Popeye the Sailor Man. I went down to the docks and asked him what he wanted for Christmas and he squinted at me and mumbled "Aw, pipesk down, ya fuzzy swab...mindkst yer own bizness. I yam disgustipated." I scratched my little stuffed head over that for a while until Miss Oyl whispered that I could find everything a sailor man would possibly wish for on Christmas...and more...if I just logged onto the internet and searched for Popeye's Amazon.com Wish List!: