Monday, November 05, 2007

Johnny Storm is a Dumbass, Exhibit A

To paraphrase Pseudolus: "Wodehouse tomorrow, Johnny Storm tonight!"

Johnny Storm pin-up pageOkay, let's do a little roleplaying here, shall we? Get yourself for a moment in the head of Mister Johnny Storm, a.k.a. The Human Torch, won't you? Okay, you set? All comfy in there? Wait...stop thinking about Angelina Jolie...okay, shove Beyoncé over to the side of your mind...okay, now clear your head of this and this...you all set?

Okay, you're Johnny Storm. First, step away from the drapes. Next...imagine that you're alone in the Baxter Building when suddenly...Dr. Doom attacks! Awwww, he's always doin' that. And he's brought some kind of sophisticated battle robot that's just meant for clobberin' time, but which is impervious to flame. Now, think about this: in the middle of the pitched battle, you've got a moment to leave a warning message for the rest of the FF, or perhaps your beloved sister. You're gonna be quick and succinct, right? A few fast words to outline the situation, huh? What would you write? What would you write?

Well, maybe you could write "DOOM & ROBOT ATTACKED" or "FIGHTING DOOM + ROBOT" or even "BEWARE DOOM." Something fast. Something quick. Something that'll let your teammates know the terrors facing them without taking too much time about it, right? You'd think you'd write four, maybe five words, huh?
FF #34 panel
Panel from Fantastic Four #34, written by Stan Lee, art by Jack Kirby and Chic Stone, lettering by Artie Simek


I mean...at least...at least abbreviate it as "Dr.".

To sum up: Johnny Storm: dumbass.


11 comments:

The Fortress Keeper said...

Must run in the family.

Sue doesn't seem much quicker on the uptake regarding the note.

Michael Jones said...

Who knew Johnny could even write?

Anonymous said...

What really gets me is he even wrote an ellipsis, comma, and even some dashes

km said...

And an apostrophe! Boy, that must've been some sixth-grade English teacher the kid had...

Sleestak said...

"Wait...stop thinking about Joey Heatherton...okay, shove Nancy Sinatra over to the side of your mind"

Fixed it.

SallyP said...

The sad part is that he was going to add that they were low on Orange Juice and needed muffins, but darn it, he just ran out of time!

Anonymous said...

Translated for late 2000's txt messaging lingo :

fting Ddoom CHOAL bwr sis dmbot BRB LOL

Rich said...

Late 2000s? Man, the English language is really going to suffer this millennium.

Michael said...

Sis - Beware Doom's Robot of AARRRGGGHHHHH

Sue: "I wonder what kind of robot that is"

Reed: "No, Doom caught him and he was in pain when he wrote it."

Ben: "Egghead, would Johnny really do that?"

Reed: "Ben, you dumb pile of rocks, he took time to write out 'Doctor' didn't he?"

When, suddenly, the Robot of AARRGGGHHHH attacked!

(Not as good as the original, but you catch my drift.)

davidm said...

Bully, I'm not sure a little bull should be using words like "dumbass" at all and especially not about Johnny, at least in this instance...Go and read FF#34. We'll wait...Johnny didn't write that, did he? He wasn't fighting one of Doctor Dooms' robots at all, was he? It was all a trap set by that nasty Mr Gideon to set members of the FF against each other, wasn't it? And you're usually such a nice little bull, too!
Mind you, I suppose the comments about Sue have to stand...

Vinnie Vegas said...

The message makes perfect sense to me.