I am as anxious and as excited as a long-tailed cat in a room full of long-tailed cat squishing machines, because tomorrow is The Big Day! No, it's not the day I get to change the filter in the Brita water pitcher! Oh wait. Yes, it is that day tomorrow, but that's not what I'm so excited about. Well, at least not as excited as I am about this: the newest and final Harry Potter book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, is coming out tomorrow! Hoo hoo!
I am the biggest little stuffed Harry Potter fan in the world (yes, even more so than my Mugglenet.com discussion board archrival, stufflepuff_giraffe23). I have read each one of the books several times from cover to cover and then back again. (Trust me, they make more sense the first way round). In case you are interested, here is my prediction about what will happen in Book Seven. I will not put up a spoiler warning because this is just me guessin', okay? So please do not sue me with your crack team of be-wigged British solicitors, Miss Rowling! I am jus' a li'l stuffed fan and not one of those scary book pirates with the eyepatches and the wooden legs and the Xerox machines. I believe that in Book Seven, Harry and Voldemort will team up to fight a greater evil. Once that is defeated, Voldemort dies, but not before making peace with Harry. Voldemortnow reborn as Tom Riddleappears as a ghostly form alongside Dumbledore and Sirius Black as Harry and his friends dance and rejoice with a bunch of fuzzy furry beings in the forest, all singing a "yub yub" song. Fifteen years later, J. K. Rowling announces plans to a series of prequels tracking the evolution of Tom Riddle into Voldemort. Tom will accompanied on his adventures by a powerful wizard, a young Albus Dumbledore, and an annoying house-elf named "Raj-Raj."
Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Bookstores all around the country are putting Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows on sale at 12:01 AM Saturday morning, which is a mere few hours away. So you'd think I'd be getting my clever little hooves on it very soon, wouldn't you? Wouldn't you? Humph. When I suggested to John that we could go down to Yavin IV Comics and wait in line to get it at midnight, he shook his head and told me that was waaaaaay past my bedtime. Also, that Yavin IV Comics is in Southern California and I live in Brooklyn. Also, that Miss Lydia is much too busy working tonight to have me hanging around showing off to her and shouting up at her "Look at me, Miss Lydia! I am doing a clever trick! Look at me, Miss Lydia!" Pfui. Miss Lydia is very kind and patient with me and always has time and a lovely pat on the head for me.
In any case, because John is a big meanie and that every kid in America will have a jump start on me in reading HP7, I am not allowed to stay up tonight and have to wait until tomorrow to go to the bookstore with my change purse full of dimes. I am very very very very very excited about it and cannot wait for tomorrow to come. I will be first in line when the bookstore opens tomorrow, standing waiting with my croissant and cup of coffee, peering into the window while Henry Mancini's "Moon River" plays on my iPod. Precisely at 10 AM I shall march proudly into the store at the head of the by-now-long-line. I shall slide my dimes on the counter and say in a very casual and debonair tone, "Please may I buy a copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows?" And the very cute bookstore sales clerk girl will smile at me and ruffle my fur and coo, "Of course you may, you cute little stuffed bull! And you do not even have to share it with your sister, Marshall, who is a much slower reader than you are and will hog the book for days. Also, here are some very special free bookmarks!" Then she will ring it up and put it in a bag and i shall sprint home and lay on the couch all day with my be-ringed nose buried in the massive nose, only emerging periodically to take a bite of my buttered crumpet or sip my cup of tea. Yes, that is what tomorrow shall be like. I can see it now.
Therefore, while I know it's very early, I'm going to go to bed right now, in order that I will fall asleep quickly and tomorrow morning shall come all the faster! It's a trick that I have used many times on days where I wish the morning would come all the faster: Christmas, Halloween, my birthday. And it never works, but in the words of my favorite cartoon spokesmoose, this time fer shure!
So, here I go off, yawning, with my stuffed owl under my arm, to climb into bed. Even though the sun is still out right now, I shall be asleep in a matter of seconds, and the night will pass faster than the Nimbus 2001 in regulation tournament Quidditch play. Next time you hear from me, I will be happily reading away in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, so come and get me, Mister Morpheus: I'm all ready for ya!