Saturday, January 28, 2006

Okay, okay, another one...

Always remember:

Oh, like you've never thought the same thing.

The Dark Lincoln Saga

Of course, once Abraham Lincoln joins the X-Men, it's only a matter of time until, possessed by the spirit of the Phoenix, he goes mad and begins destroying the Marvel Universe:

Friday, January 27, 2006

Abe Lincoln can join the X-Men now!

Space Lincoln Totally Rules, Man!

From today's Yahoo News:

"Historians have long puzzled over whether Abraham Lincoln might have had a genetic disorder called Marfan syndrome, but new research has members of the beloved president's family tree wondering if his clumsy gait may actually have been caused by something else. Researchers at the University of Minnesota have discovered a gene mutation in 11 generations of relatives who descended from Lincoln's grandparents. The gene causes spinocerebellar ataxia type 5, a degenerative neurological disorder that affects coordination, including walking, writing, speaking and swallowing. There's a 25 percent chance that Lincoln also inherited the mutation, said Laura Ranum, a genetics professor who led the research."
She then went on to explain that Lincoln would now protect a world sworn to fear and hate him, and that yes, he was indeed the best he was at what he did.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

All the cool kids are doing it

I know, I know...I haven't been keeping up on my blogging, and I'm a bad little stuffed bull (please don't scold me!) I'll come out of my busy busy life pretty darn soon to post all about these and other subjects: "Inspirational Comics Retailers 2006, Part One", "All in Color for Two Dimes, Parts (One and Two)", "What Was Fun in 2005 (Second Half Only)", "I'll Trade Ya For That," and "You Don't Tug on Superboy's Cape (Because He'll Rip Your Freakin' Arm Off)".

In the meantime, I figgered I'd better leap on the new comics meme bandwagon jussssssst as it starts to grind to a halt. Always ahead of the curve, ain't I? So, always remember:

Rock Your World!

He may come late to the party but he always has something to contribute: yet another reason why Ben Grimm totally rocks.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Another reason Warren Ellis totally rocks your world

Hey, every comic I bought this week helps me keep my New Year's resolution to Try Each Week to Pick Up One New Comic Title I Haven't Been Reading!

Thing #2-3THE THING #2 and 3: This comic is fun! Hey Bully!, you are likely to shout at me. "Hey is for horses!" I will shout back. But Bully, if this is Comics Oughta Be Fun, home of "Ben Grimm Totally Rocks," then why aren't you reading Dan Slott's new Thing series? Uh...uh...go away rude disembodied voice! Stop bothering me! Cos altho' I missed the first issue, and didn't pick up the second one when it came out, this week I bought two, count 'em, two issues of The Thing, and golly-wow, it sure is chock-full of Ben Grimm rockin' clobberin' time excitement! As y'all well know, I'm a big fan of Dan Slott's She-Hulk (well, except for the creepy cheesecake covers—even tho' I luv eating cheesecake at Junior's here in Brooklyn, I jus' plain don't like Greg Horn's cheesecake!). But that's not a problem with Ben Grimm. Even tho' he doesn't wear a shirt most of the time! Anyway, these are two action-packed, rollickin' adventure issues. Like in She-Hulk, Dan Slott knows a lot about the Marvel Universe and has a lot of fun working in popular and obscure Marvel characters (Nighthawk, Arcade, Iron Man, the Constrictor, and even Brynocki from Master of Kung Fu) without going completely over the top. The cliffhanger of #2 even features a whole horde o' Hulk robots! The plot's a roller coaster but there's still plenty of time for the traditional Grimm introspection. There's not many people who really "get" my favorite hero, Aunt Petunia's ever-lovin' blue-eyed nephew, but I think Ben is in good hands with Mister Slott.

Nextwave #1NEXTWAVE #1: This comic is fun. How can I give away the award for The Best Line of the Week" to Mister Warren Ellis when very nearly every one of his lines in Nextwave #1 is the best line of the week? Really! Let's sample a few, shall we?
  • "Hey, I'm from Brooklyn. I'm going to call myself Mr. Friendly? Hell, no. Captain %$@#^."
  • "Every day I smoke two hundred cigarettes and one hundred cigars and drink a bottle of whisky and three bottles of wine with dinner. And dinner is meat. Raw meat. The cook serves me an entire animal and I fight it bare-handed and tear off what I want and eat it and have the rest buried. In New Jersey!"
  • "Silence, fleshy one."
  • "When her mother died, she went to Hell, and is used as a bucket by giant weasels dressed as cheerleaders. And that's what happens when you tell your kids to get a proper job."
  • "Fin Fang Foom! Has been burning with the need to mate since 1956! Fin Fang Foom! Has absolutely no genitals whatsoever! Fin Fang Foom! Oh, you cannot imagine how annoyed he is."
  • "Hello, I am a tiny insignificant particle. Put down your guns or I'll bounce off you undetectably."
  • "I shall kick you to death with slippers on, so it doesn't hurt so much."
  • "I hate broccoli. Let's kill 'em."
  • "Oh my God. It's wearing underpants."
And none of these lines make much sense outside of their own context, but inside the comic they're outrageous and milk-snorting funny. Put together a half-dozen abandoned and forgotten Marvel superhero characters into an over-the-top team run by Dirk Anger (he's that much more a man than Nick Fury). This is The Authority without the social conscience, in full-speed-ahead take-no-prisoners and make-no-plans action that's the equivalent of taking your old Marvel Secret Wars action figures and blowin' 'em up with firecrackers just cos it's cool to watch. If I had any quibbles it's that it's harder to justify that this over-the-top approach actually takes place in the Marvel Universe, but that's prob'bly less of a worry in the twenty-first century where various corners of personal continuity seem to have broken out (beginning with X-Statix) writers like Ellis can play with the Marvel universe toys in his own sandbox and nobody's going to get mad if his plots don't merge perfectly with this month's issue of New Avengers. It revels in the joy of its own anarchy and Ellis reminds us that hey, it's jus' a comic book: don't take it so serious, bub. Be warned: Nextwave is not for kids (and prob'bly not really for little stuffed bulls). I'm not even certain Nextwave is for adults. But hey! It's got the best letters page since Mike W. Barr had Katana send everyone home with the lungs in a bucket, and it's got Fin Fang Foom in it! And that, as well as a million other little pieces, is what makes NEXTWAVE #1 the most fun comic of the week!