Dear Santa Claus,Hi hi hi! It's me, Bully! How are you? I am fine. I hope you have had an enjoyable summer and found some time to get away on a relaxing vacation. Did you go to the Poconos again this year?
I know it is not even October yet but I wanted to get in early this year with this request (I know how busy you get towards the end of the year). You may remember last year I asked you for the Batmobile for Christmas. I have a similar item to put on my Christmas list this year. Santa, will you please bring me the Batman Express train set?:
I have always been a very big little Batman fan and I also love trains, so this is like a delicious Reese's Peanut Butter Cup of a gift item. Imagine the fun I will have running my Batman Express around the apartment, running through tunnels, blowing the whistle, and startling the cat!
I have never actually thought of trains as superheroes, but if it says it in a sales brochure from a gift collectible house, it must be true! Hmmm, I wonder if this train has a mild-mannered or rich playboy secret identity.
And the windows light up! That is quite a tribute to Batman. It is not as big a tribute as that Gotham City "We love Batman" parade they had last year, where Batman rode in the back of the Batmobile and waved to the citizens while ticker tape rained down, but it's still a very unique tribute, wouldn't you say?
Speaking of lights, Santa, check this out: a working headlight on the diesel engine! Altho' it seems to me that they missed an opportunity to put a little bat silhouette decal on that headlight and turn it into the Bat Signal! Can't believe they didn't think of that. Perhaps I oughta be designing Batman collectibles, huh?
And every sixty days after I receive my Batman diesel engine, another train car featuring a fabulous villain from the Caped Crusader's rogue's gallery will show up on my doorstep! The Joker! Catwoman! Two-Face! Killer Croc! The KGBeast! Bane! Maxie Zeus! Orca! Zsasz! All the lovable goofy villains the kids adore! Because once you collect the first one, you can't stop buying every single one after that. As Barry Sobel once told Dr. Katz: "That's how they get you!"
The only complaint I'd make about the Batman Express...the best Christmas present in the whole universe!...is that it features a kinda-eighties-lookin' Batman who hasn't looked like that in the comics for quite some time. And anyway, monorail fights in movies aside, I really don't think of modern-day Batman as a train-kinda guy anyway. Now, this Batman...this Batman is a train guy:
So, in conclusion Santa, I have been a very good little bull and hope that you will see your way to bringing me the Batman Express for Christmas. After all, how can I resist it...it's a regular cow-catcher.